Sooner or later, all spouses are faced with the question of expanding the family. Someone solves the dilemma is very easy: one joint yes or one joint no.
Someone suffers for a long time and cannot accept and implement the final decision. In the second variant, a conflict of interest is usually manifested: one spouse wants another child, and the other does not.
1. One of the spouses does not want to change their way of life.
Any change in life is stressful, and the birth of a child is even more so. There are new duties, life is shuffled, as in a huge card deck.
When life suits us for the most part, we have no particular desire to change anything in it, especially cool. We do not want to lose the freedom and time that could be filled with something else.
Prepare for the birth of a child so that the changes are not so drastic. To prepare is to adjust your reality to the appearance of a child, to finish everything (by the way, a good reason!), To close all projects that take time or to postpone them for a while.
Equip an apartment, plan who will help you and how, plan joint responsibilities, start preparing your first child for the family. Morally prepare to devote yourself for the first time (from one to three) to the child and his needs.
Thus, even in spite of the fact that you will have to change your way of life – the changes will not be so drastic. In addition, changes with the birth of a child are temporary.
Children grow up and parents gradually return to a rut.
2. The parent is afraid of repeating the scenario with the first child.
Sometimes the first child is not easy for parents. He can sleep badly, be ill, just have an intractable temper and put his (not your) agenda into practice.
Because of this, parents can become just exhausted, irritable, and all this in a compartment adversely affects their relationship. If the parents managed to survive it and save the family, they do not want to repeat it.
Statistically, if you hit a red casino at a casino on roulette, this does not mean that the next time it will be red too. As a rule, the second child is different from the first in character and the parenthood of the second child is not at all the same as the parenthood of the first. In addition, you already have experience (the son of difficult mistakes) and you will not re-attack the past rake of ignorance and self-doubt.
You will be a much more confident parent.
3. The eldest child will be jealous.
Sometimes in honor of the birth of the unborn child, the elder children fly off the coils. And it happens even before the birth of a younger brother or sister, even during pregnancy.
They are jealous, want attention and can do anything to get it from their parents. And to achieve this attention, they will not be good behavior, but in every possible way hooligans (since the reaction of parents is faster and stronger).
And what will happen when the baby is born and how to devote time to both and find strength on both of them?
Involve the older child in the process of pregnancy and the future birth. Telling that he will become an elder brother or sister and a new little man will appear in the family who will love the elder (not vice versa – the elder is not obliged to the younger!) Be sure to spend time with the elder, even when the second baby was born, so that the elder knows and feels that his place and family status is safe.
Be prepared to sometimes prefer the older to the younger, even if it seems that the younger need it more. The birth of a new family member is stressful for the older child, but if he feels that he is not losing the attention of his mother or father, he will calm down.
4. We do not have enough money for another child.
It is difficult to argue with this argument – money, in difference from vital energy and forces, can be counted. The modern world, especially the big cities are not particularly sharpened by raising children in them.
Not to mention the fact that life in them is expensive and if you add here additional costs for nursery, kindergarten, nanny, mugs, clothes, etc., then finances will be singing romances.
Your ability to make money is flexible. What you earn today will probably be half of what you earn in a year or two.
And oddly enough the birth of a child can contribute to this. Because a conscious parent with the birth of a child becomes more mature and it has a positive effect on his career. Many studies also show that jobs favor parents with children.
The second part is the two with the spouse and calculate the planned costs and see what you can temporarily tighten the strap. Large spending, of course, can be postponed for several years.
In the end, the child is more important and more interesting than the new kitchen.
5. The decline in career and loss of independence.
At first, the child requires all the free time, at least one of the parents. If both work in the family and both are successful, then one parent (usually the mother) has a hard time deciding on another child, sacrificing his career development, and even his workplace.
Not all women also want to sit on the neck to her husband and immerse themselves in the magical world of pots, diapers and morning walks.
Work and career at birth can be saved. To do this, firstly, you need to plan your work schedule for the coming months.
When you can get back to work, who will take up your position while you are out? You will need a magic wand about two ends.
One end is support at work. And here, at the right time, you will have good relations with your superiors or with partners and customers, if you have your own business.
The second end is family support. Here you will need help from your husband (or wife), which will include more or less equal care for the child, including separation of vacations, night vigils, etc.
And also the help of grandmothers, nannies, friends, kindergartens, that is, all people and structures that can give a helping hand in childcare. Thus, for the first time after the birth of a child, the cosmic take-off in a career will most likely not be, but rather, will be a deflection.
But over time (often quite short), this deflection is leveled and everything returns to normal!
6. You have difficulties in the family.
The reluctance of one parent to have a child may indicate that he is not confident in his relationship with a partner. To have the next child is to pledge to be with a partner for at least several years and work closely together to grow and raise an initially helpless child that requires a lot of attention.
If one of the partners is not in addition in the relationship, he will not want a child.
Talk with a partner honestly and openly about what he or she lacks in a relationship. Often the problem lies in the lack of communication, inability to listen and understand each other.
Also very often, especially for men, the problem lies in the lack of physical intimacy and sex. Having sex for the sake of the child, when there is no sex for the sake of him, the man perceives himself with hostility.
Talk frankly and find out what the partner is missing and whether you can give it to him – both now and after the birth of her second child. The child does not improve family relations, on the contrary, it requires the joint work of both partners and, if you have a quiet disorder now, then most likely it will only get worse and harder.