The first thing that needs to be learned by each parent: caprice, caprice, strife. It is very important to be able to distinguish the real child “grief” from the whims and behave accordingly. There is a whim as a simple emotional pressure on an adult, an attempt to force parents to do what the child wants.
Crying, screaming and skating on the floor can be an attempt to force a parent to buy a toy, to arrange it so that it will not be sent to kindergarten or taken home from the playground. The child is “pressing a tear out of itself,” seeking the desired from you.
If the child managed to achieve his own with the help of some unsightly behavior, he will improve in him, resorting to this method more and more often. The most important weapon to combat such a whim is calm and patience. It is necessary to react to all actions of a child with understanding and not make any concessions during whims.
And when the child calms down and calm down, try not to scold and not shame the baby – just express the hope that he will never repeat his behavior again, and assure him that the method of manipulation chosen by him is unproductive.
But there are other moods caused by hunger, illness, fatigue, anxiety, lack of sleep, overexcitement. The baby may become angry or cry bitterly when it doesn’t work or cannot be understood. The emotions of a child of primary school age are similar to the weather: if you do not like it, you must wait and it will change.
Same thing with the baby. Now the sprawling tower of cubes knocked the baby out of balance, and he inconsolably sobs about it, and in a minute this event will seem like a matter of yesterday, and he will switch to the cat running past with curiosity.
An ordinary child’s day is filled with many difficult tasks, he learns, acquires new skills, tries to do something on his own and at the same time listens to the instructions, assessments and moralizing of adults throughout the day. The baby experiences a huge amount of emotions that quickly replace each other. These emotions are connected with new discoveries, with small victories and very often with failures and difficulties in the way of knowing the world.
The baby still lacks speech skills to clearly express their needs, feelings and desires. When all this has accumulated too much, your child may begin to whimper, cry and scream.
Let’s see how to respond to mood swings in this case and what will help us to bring the baby into its former equilibrium.
Some parents are extremely poorly tolerated baby crying. Nevertheless, you must pull yourself together and support the child. Inadequate reactions and expectations of parents only heighten tensions and exacerbate children’s whims.
Parental anger and screams will only frighten the child, and he will be even more excited. Try to keep calm. Crumbs need help to learn to easily and comfortably discover the world.
Do not give in to his mood swings, be a source of composure, benevolence and calmness for your baby. In the end, how can you calm down a child who, due to his age, experiences a clear lack of internal control, if the adults around him are also unable to restrain their emotions and continually lose control of themselves? But to be with him, to make him feel your willingness to help him – this is very important for the child.
Watch your tone of voice. If you do not know how to control yourself and raise your voice, children will do the same.
During the experience the child is in an excited state and cannot cope with it. This internal force can scare him, and therefore he needs a gentle and calm adult who will help direct the energy in the right direction, soothe, support and take on the excess of feelings. Attempts to urge a child to reason or cries will lead nowhere, as the baby is too excited.
It is not worth waiting for a long time, if a child cannot calm down on his own, come to his aid, for example, say: “I understand that you are tired and sad for you. Sit down, think about how I can help you, and when you calm down, we’ll talk. “
You show the baby that you accept his feelings and empathize with him.
The baby needs support. Sit him on your knees and help him calm down. If the child is just looking for your warmth, do not react evil and intolerant, otherwise he will be more and more depressed.
For example, you can gently stroke him on the back, slowly wiggle, repeating: “My good, cry a little, let all sadness and anger come out of you, and I will be near.” Often this is enough for a child.
And in the future, do not forget to give him more attention – then the need to get him crying will disappear. More and more rarely, parents use an excellent confidential gesture: when a baby is sad, crying or trying to tell you something, you can firmly take his pen in your hand.
This gesture speaks of participation, full of our attention and sympathy. We are always in a hurry, talking to children, we are not too busy to postpone parallel affairs.
But our children need love; receiving a response, they themselves learn to show love and sympathy and grow responsive, cheerful, and not emotionally squeezed.
Instead of panicing or trying to reason a kid who is hysterical, try to shift his attention. Sometimes such a physical activity as dancing or playing with a ball may be enough to calm the child. A small child will be intrigued if you quietly sit on the floor, take out his toys and start playing with enthusiasm, from time to time inviting him to join.
But small children, who still do not understand it, often completely cease to control themselves. Therefore, simple but effective techniques may be useful: you can wrap the baby in a blanket and go out onto the balcony with him or bring it to the open window so that the crumb can take a sip of fresh air. Some children are helped by a contrast or cool washing of the face and neck, others by a warm shower.
When the child calms down, caress him and sit with him for as long as he needs, without shame and without scolding. If your baby is rubbing his eyes or sucking his thumb, it may be time to eat or sleep.
Self-control, self-control, inner calm and peace – how wonderful it would be if all the children looked like little Buddhist monks, but this is impossible. Angry, muttering and irritated, the baby is freed from negative energy.
It is a bit like a pressure cooker pan, which, under pressure, continually produces extra steam. Knowing that various internal conflicts are raging inside the child, it will be easier to understand why between the ages of two and four years old children are very excitable and touchy.
Discharging is simply necessary for the fragile child’s psyche: this way the child is freed from the negative energy that accumulates in the process of children’s activities, otherwise the child is not able to cope with it. If a child constantly shows character, remember that, unlike adults, children find it harder to choose words to express their feelings (especially if they are just beginning to talk); children show their inner problems with their behavior — it is easier for them to show than to tell.
Too often, when we ask children to hide their true feelings, we do this in order to calm ourselves, because the cries and tears of children often get on our nerves. Nevertheless, it is dangerous to suppress emotions, sadness and feelings. Our own parents did not know how to respond to our emotions, and felt uncomfortable in such situations.
Therefore, having matured, and we learned not to express our feelings, to suppress them in ourselves; so we do with our children.
Sometimes it is important for a child to get your sympathy and understand that negative emotions are possible and need not be ashamed of them. Childhood tears cannot be considered a sign of mental weakness. Yes, a strong man does not grumble, does not complain, does not cry out for the sake of sympathy, but he accepts his feelings, if they exist, and only in this way can he deal with them and stand up again, straightening his shoulders.
And he must be sure that his feelings are normal, they are possible, but if you grieve for a long time, you will not be able to help. However, this belief is not a weak person, but a strong, self-confident and loving self. But can a child love itself when its feelings are rejected, when the closest people make it clear: we don’t care about your feelings, get up, stop crying over trifles.
Experiences do not go away simply because you are trying to downplay them or consider the problem insignificant.
Do not allow your child to experience strong emotional experiences for more than 10 minutes! Listen to him, help cope with emotions and try to switch to other activities. Showing sympathy with phrases like “You are sad, cry, my dear!”, You should not abuse them – these words are useful as empathy, but do not always help the child to get out of the state of sadness.
The more you let your child experience, the longer you will have to console him. For the sobbing and angry screams, the baby needs a little time, give him that time.
But then look at the crumbs in the eye, get in touch with him with a look. Use the voltage drop to say, “Now it’s over.
Let’s go play outside. ” The child will feel that you understand him, which means that you can do something else.
We love it when our children laugh and sing, and we also don’t like to listen to how they cry and scream. But the child has the right to be sad, dissatisfied, angry, in a bad mood. He needs to know that you accept both his laughter and tears, that the expression of the child’s strongest emotions will not destroy your love for him.
Children, just like us, sometimes get up on the wrong foot; Like us at the end of the day, after a nursery or school, they feel exhausted. Not only adults experience fatigue. In addition, it happens that hypersensitivity and vulnerability are signs of a specific mental structure of children, properties of their nervous system.
It is impossible to change these congenital features at will. Here persuasions, reproaches and punishments will not help.
Any violent measures will only aggravate the problem, increasing tension and anxiety, which means that they will weaken the child’s nervous system even more and undermine self-confidence. Our babies grow and become independent. At the same time, our approval is very important for their well-being, but their desire to follow their own impulses is often stronger.
If we recognize the importance of their own views, we assume that they can have a personal opinion on some reason and their own opinion on some things, it means that we are raising our children, showing respect to them, and this is the best way to cause they respond feelings.
The child wanted to get this toy, stay on the swing, eat a pie, and you said no to him. He is unhappy, angry and shows his emotions.
Put yourself in his place. There is something to be upset about!
Do not worry if the child laughs, then cries, then gets angry, then caresses: quick mood changes are a very good sign, the child develops. There would be cause for concern if the baby had never cried, did not shout and was not angry. It is in the order of things that he is experiencing certain emotions – this is life!
Just try to correct the behavior of the baby, if he wants something, teach him not to express his desires violently and unconstrainedly, explain that it is ugly to express your feelings publicly, to show off, and especially not to encourage hysterics. Do not rush to meet the requests of the child, expressed in a capricious tone.
Try to explain to him that he would have achieved his goal much faster and easier if he spoke calmly. Adhere to the rule: while the baby is aching, all its requirements are ignored; only he ceases to be capricious – the requests are satisfied.
Mark more effective ways to ask: “With the help of groans you can never achieve anything. It is better to calm down and say so. “.
Angry tantrums and screams of a child must be tolerated; moreover, it is important to be insightful and try to understand the cause of children’s tears. Every time, when confronted with obstacles and difficulties on the path to independence, the kids become indignant and angry.
Unfortunately, at this age they cannot express their disappointment caused by their own weakness in a different way. But this is not the only reason.
Most often the cause of whining is some kind of real need or problem that we do not notice for a long time. This is a need for attention or sympathy, crying from loneliness, when parents work hard and rarely find time to play with the baby.
This may be the usual children’s fears: fear of the dark, loud noises, dogs, witches, doctors or water. And if no one helps the child to cope with his grief, refuses to listen to him, then crying and screaming will become a sustainable form of protection from fear and anxiety.
The vagaries of the child: everything that parents need to know about it
There are many reasons for whims, moreover, at every age and in every situation – they are their own. We have made a selection of articles in which different situations and age periods of children’s whims are considered.
Negativism, three-year crisis, manipulation, stubbornness and hysteria – what the child has the right to and how parents behave in each case. Read more