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Teach us to be friends

Teach us to be friends

Man is by nature social and needs to communicate from birth. The baby looks at mom’s kind eyes, papa’s face feels, grabs his brother by the nose. The most interesting thing for a baby is to observe living objects, to study faces, to consider peers.

Baby grows up and by the age of two he is waiting for his peers to participate in pranks and fun. “I can jump into a snowdrift, and you?” Scurry, cheerful cries, relaxed movements – that’s all communication. Up to three years, kids can only play side by side or fight, taking away from each other “treasures” that they, alas, cannot consciously share.

3-4 years is a time when children finally start playing together. Each has its own role. “You will be Artemon, I will be Malvina.” “Well, no, I don’t want to be a poodle.”

Conflicts appear (although they have always been), and children are ready to solve them in order to continue the game, to achieve their goal: “Okay, you will be Pinocchio”.

The child needs to communicate with peers – you can not argue with this fact. A kid who has no friends causes concern from the point of view of the full development of the personality.

Even the closest relationships with parents can not replace the game with other children. Although it happens that mothers decide to “take care” of the baby from friends until school.

We went to the playground with Katya (she was 3 years old), but when a boy took a toy from her, his mother didn’t even say a word, my cry went out, I took the child, the doll and left. The next day, even worse: Katya was pushed into the snow by the girl, the daughter wanted to take the scoop from her.

I scolded someone else’s child and, under the displeasure of her mother, left again. Why do you need such communication?

What can quarrel teach? Now we are walking in the park together or with dad.

Hopefully, before school, Katya will learn to give change. ”

Teach us to be friends

To minor conflicts between children should be treated calmly. Quarrels, as is known, are not only where there is one person.

Walking only with parents for a child is not the best option. He needs to learn to build relationships, communicate, make friends.

Preschool period is the age of development of the instinct to live in a team, the acquisition of communication skills, the ability to respond not with a fist, but with a word, deserve trust and respect. Conflict is a part of human communication; it is necessary to be afraid if they never happen between children.

This is unnatural.

Instead of running away at the slightest problem, watch your child. The nature of the conflict can tell you a lot.

What is the reason for the argument? Does your baby need only other people’s toys? He insists that the bird says “Tchik-chirik”, and not “Pee-Pee-Pee”?

Or maybe the stubborn crumb would never agree to move on the bench? Take a closer look – you will get to know your child better, and perhaps you will work on the mistakes.

I take light to ordinary conflicts, but I can’t tolerate the behavior of one boy. As soon as he comes out, the mothers on the bench sigh heavily and quite loudly, and the children begin to hide their toys and move closer to their parents.

Nikita (4 years old) runs up, starts to bully, and then, in response to children’s dissatisfaction, he throws snowballs. It may be harmless, but in the summer it was rocks and sand. Provokes fights, selects toys, in general, accelerates all peacefully spending time.

What to do with this bully? His mom doesn’t care, she doesn’t react to our constant reproaches and remarks.

And what remains for us? Slap the baby? “

Teach us to be friends

In a situation of unhealthy communication, we must understand that a four-year bully with inadequate behavior is just a kid with a problem, and his mother, who does not know how to help a fidget, is experiencing no less difficulty than the whole yard involved in the upbringing. Before us is not a criminal, we have a child. Do not act as judges.

Maybe the kid just has nothing to do? He was not taught to play, not taught to be friends. It’s time to postpone philosophical conversations on the topics “buy or not buy” and “what to cook for lunch”, get up from the shops and creatively approach the situation.

We will help children organize a joint game. If this is a shelling of snowballs – we will start building a snow fort, no boy will refuse the “Ice Battle”.

If it’s summer, we will throw balls, and build a fortress, for example, from boxes of household appliances. We will invent any common game, and the whole company will again “spend time peacefully.”

Then calmly and return to the benches to continue intimate conversations.

The simple rule: treat others the way you would like them to treat you, dictates a pattern of behavior. No need to shout, raise your voice, express your opinion with irritation; and, of course, no assault.

By acting as an overseer and arbiter, favorable results cannot be achieved.

It should be remembered that it is always easier to prevent a quarrel than to stop a developing conflict. Make sure that the toys were enough and enough for everyone, so that the children would not be bored, be busy with a fun and exciting game. Give the children some of your time, and you give them friends!

Teach us to be friends

Oddly enough, psychologists consider non-interference to be the best position. And that’s why.

Imagine the situation: your child was hurt, for example, they did not give a toy. He was all in tears: he asked for so long that he was simply pushed away.

You come up and maybe gently explaining to another kid that it’s not good to be greedy, you have to share, persuade him to surrender. So, on the side of your child are two, one of which is an adult.

On the side of the “miser” – only one kid. You have a clear advantage. Do you think what will the grandmother do when walking with the little “greedy one”?

Of course, intercede. Well, here we wait: four are already involved in the conflict. Who is next?


If the grandmother has already taken the position of non-interference, then even here the children will not benefit. Yours has a vengeful satisfaction, and his “friend” thirst for revenge.

Intervention does not give an opportunity to solve the problem on its own, impedes the development of the ability to find a compromise.

Undoubtedly, there are situations where it is difficult to stay inactive, to put it mildly. If you are unlucky and still had to become a “raznimitel”, let all the parties to the conflict speak, and not just the one you already considered right. Do not stand on the side of one child: find out who wants what, and help to agree.

As a rule, both are guilty in conflicts: they started it, they participated in it, and therefore, it does not make sense to blame someone for one. If we draw the conclusion “Vasya’s fault” with children, then in the future the kids will interpret the behavior of this child negatively, reacting to any of his wrong movements, up to step over the sandy city.

Teach us to be friends

We can teach our kids to be friends only when we stop quarreling. Conflicts of parents in playgrounds are not uncommon.

Interestingly, most often they last much longer than the “fights” fighters. Look, the children have long been reconciled and play together, and we all continue to figure out which approach to education is more correct, whose child is better and who was still to blame for their quarrel.

Of course, you can give general recommendations for the presentation of claims such as: speak calmly and friendly, use the unifying word “we”, look at the situation through the eyes of the interlocutor. But in a fit of “righteous” anger, in the process of discussing what happened, while listening to retaliatory accusations, it is so difficult to follow the rules.

Yes, and becoming a “wolf in sheep’s clothing,” you can cause even more aggressive behavior. “Of course, she has the right child, and she’s all right, only we are bad” – the feeling of the mother, whose baby didn’t manage to behave well, is no less resentful for the crying crumbs. If there is a sincere desire to make friends of children, to find common solutions, and not to throw out your anger on the interlocutor – recommendations are not needed: you will definitely agree.

If it so happens that the enraged mother goes with a discontented face to you, gather the will into a fist and try to leave the conversation with dignity. First of all, let the lady scream, let him throw out that very anger.

Accept the charges and calmly apologize, now is not the time to defend their positions and provoke a conflict with children.

Maxim (5 years), my son, is a calm, kind boy, he never fights and will not offend a fly. One day, a girl of about three ran up to him and violently pulled him off the swing.

Maxim dodged, and Polina started pounding him, and then bit him. The son wept. I did not scold the little girl, but decided to turn to her mother.

She said only: “Look after your child!” Word for word – and a real scandal broke out. How not to swear moms if their children hurt each other.

Mine, too, could not resist and pushed Polina. He also turned out to be guilty: “the elders must give in.”

Teach us to be friends

Often the causes of conflict behavior lie in the uncertainty, low self-esteem of one of the participants. The child tries to earn respect and attract attention in any way: hit harder, bite more painfully, spoil, sprinkle, cover, pinch, take away.

If the crumbling provoked a fight or offended another child, go to the victim, have pity and apologize for her. Unconsciously, the prankster is waiting for you to scold him, he will start crying and then, finally, he will get his: consolation and care.

Pay attention to the baby when he behaves well, and not when everyone complains about his tricks.

There is also another variant of behavior: the crumb tries to make friends with the help of gifts and invitations. “Mom, give me candy, I will give them to Sveta and Ksyusha, and they will play with me.” Such a trick will, of course, work, but not for long.

After a few years, this technique will not work, and the child will again be rejected.

In both cases, treat the child as an individual, appreciate his achievements, praise more, do not compare with peers, emphasize his capabilities and abilities. And then the baby will not need to “beat out” credibility.

Children are always drawn to the one who acts as a leader and stands out against the general background with self-confidence.

At home, studying with a child, simulate situations of communication on toys, include them in the course of activities, offer your child to find ways to overcome conflicts, analyze actions. Plots can be: “Bunny and Mishka played volleyball. Wolf came and took the ball.

The bunny began to cry, and Mishka suggested … What did Mishka suggest? “” The kitten and the Puppy played salki. The kitten ran away, and the puppy caught up. The kitten slipped on the ice and fell.

What did the puppy do? Why?”

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