To kid. When a child wants to take his presents back, gives an expensive toy or something that does not belong to him, he is in the middle of a conflict situation.
You. Parents, as a rule, are forced to intervene in an unpleasant situation in order to return the thing that was presented or bartered by the child.
Before you determine how to influence your child and cope with a family problem, you need to find its possible cause. Children often give out toys or change them.
At the same time, they are driven by completely different motives: generosity, simplicity and naivety, internal insecurity, gentleness and dependability. In each situation, your decision.
What a cute baby he gave his favorite book to his little cousin! But, going home, he decided to take her back. You did not foresee that the child would regret the presented book, and now the fight began.
Small children still do not understand the difference between giving and lending for a while. The cause may be some kind of emotional outburst.
Small children are very impulsive: giving something to another child, however, like assigning something without permission, the child does not think what will happen after that.
What to do? Start explaining to the child the meaning of the gift as soon as he expresses a desire to give something to another baby. Say that if he gives, it means that he will not be able to take this toy back.
Explain that giving is giving away forever; when you presented, the toy is no longer yours, now she has a different owner. And if after some time your child wants to get a gift back, remind him of his words.
Do not take his side and do not give in, even if he cries.
What to say? “Would you be happy if grandma took back the gift she gave you for her birthday?”
When a child loses interest in some thing, he easily breaks up with it, gives it to someone or exchanges for what he likes, and sometimes this exchange is far from equivalent, but only from the point of view of parents. Do not expect that in three or four years the child will be able to appreciate the expensive thing.
For a little girl, nothing costs her mother to exchange a gold pendant with a ruby for a beautiful glass ball, which she saw at a friend in the playground.
What to do? Do not forbid the child to change, just help him do it right, that is, without offending either himself or others.
Explain that you can give a beautiful picture, a toy, but you can not give your mother’s and father’s things to strangers. Sometimes the “generosity” of children is explained by the inability to assess parental work. It is very important that in 2-3 years, along with the word “my”, the child begins to understand what “someone else” is.
You can hear the child say: “This is my father’s watch, this is my mother’s bag, this is my grandmother’s glasses.” This is the right period to start teaching the child what to always ask before taking someone else’s.
At the same time, help your child see the direct connection between parental work and the toy presented to him. A child from childhood must learn that money is always received for work, and not just.
Encourage your child to share, give gifts to friends, but at the same time reckoning with you and consulting. And, if the baby has presented someone with an expensive item, focus attention not so much on its price, as on the fact of the act.
Show that it saddens you not even the fact that there is no expensive thing left, but the little one’s irresponsibility, his kindness is not at his own expense.
What to say? “This pendant was very dear to me, it was given to me by your dad. For this, he had to work hard.
We hope that now, when giving friends gifts, you will not forget about our feelings with dad. “
It always happens during a walk: the baby gives away all his treasures and leaves nothing to himself. Why?
A child is hard to find friends. Perhaps he is experiencing a difficult situation at home (divorce of parents, the birth of a brother or sister, moving) and he lacks attention and love? Perhaps in this way the child is trying to compensate for the loss of emotional balance through gratitude for the gifts made?
So the child is trying to “buy” the missing love and attention. Think about what can be changed so that your child does not feel lonely.
What to do? Make sure you pay enough attention and affection to your baby. Talk, discuss with him the past day.
Spend time together: walk, play and have fun. Good emotional contact with the child is the best prevention of unwanted generosity. If possible, put him in a circle that will help him get into relationships with other children without gifts.
Better understand the feelings of the baby will help you play in a fairy tale, similar to real events. Suppose Misha was very kind and always treated all animals to candy and toys. But once he ran out of toys and candy.
What to do Misha, because he has nothing left. What does he feel at this moment? How to decide to behave further?
Look at the reaction of the child: what will he think of, what continuation will follow? Maybe other animals began to share with him their toys, sweets?
Or was he sitting alone while the other beasts laughed at him? If you see confusion, uncertainty, help your child, tell him the continuation of this story, and let her have a happy ending: he will meet a wise gnome who will explain when, with what and with whom it is worth sharing.
What to say? You have friends, because you are a good friend (you are very kind, and it’s fun to play with you), and not because you give someone gifts. True friendship is not bought or exchanged for toys and sweets.
People are friends because they are interested together.
The kid came to the playground with a new train? We often observe how quarrels about toys between children in the sandbox inflame. And very often, mothers, trying to raise a generous child, shame their “greedy person” and demand to share.
One kid will be hysterical, not wanting to give something dear to him, and the other, more timid, will give in and give up. At the same time, the crumb begins to feel “bad”, and why it does not understand.
And often gives a toy just to seem better. From such episodes, a model of interaction of the baby with the world is formed.
One kid will become greedy, the second, believing that it is only in this way that the position of his comrades is won will give up everything, regardless of his interests, and the third, more timid, will strengthen his inability to say no to a more persistent peer and will surrender everything that require it.
Teaching a child to be generous and sharing with others is a mixed story. Many children in the playground may not be as generous as yours, and some may behave like little extortionists.
What to do? The first step is to teach the child to give willingly, and not under pressure. And if you teach the kid generosity, do not be ashamed of him.
Shame promotes anxiety, the formation of low self-esteem. At the age of 1.5–3 years, a very important ability to say the word “no” is formed.
People who have not been given the opportunity to learn to say “no” suffer greatly as they become adults. These are consequences of the very “sandbox” where they were forced to share. Their mothers were very afraid that they would grow up greedy, and they grew up flawlessly.
Help the child understand: he can share a toy, but he does not have to. Explain that if he does not want to change, then he does not need to do this, and no one has the right to force him.
Teach your baby to talk about their feelings and defend their rights.
What to say? Speak for the baby until he can do it himself. “Stop it, please!
We do not like it … “; “We can’t give you this toy because we play it ourselves …” – these phrases will help a lot in the future life.
The most effective way to raise the right balance between greed and generosity is a personal example of parents. After all, mom and dad are the most reputable people.
- Set a good example.
Try to explain to the baby that someone else should be taken only after receiving permission. Do mom and dad ask for permission before taking someone else’s thing?
- Show and clarify what a “personal thing” is.
There are things that are meant for everyone, such as cookies in a vase on the table, and things that belong to one person: school notebooks of a brother or father’s documents — they cannot be taken in any way.
- Respect children’s property.
Adults should respect the things belonging to the child. Do not decide on your own which of the toys you can give to younger brothers and sisters.
- If something is missing, do not be hasty in judgments.
Before deciding to punish, be sure to talk to your child and listen to him before you act. In one family there was such a case: parents missed piggy banks with coppers.
It turned out that their little daughter bought a kitten from the yard boys, whom they scoffed at.
- Do not hurt the child in front of others.
If an awkward situation has occurred, try to control your emotions, first of all apologize and find an opportunity to talk with your child alone.
- Try to resort to “visual agitation.”
If the baby is already big enough, and the habit of giving away everything worries you, let him feel the consequences of his decisions “on yourself.” Gave a new expensive toy – cancel the trip to the puppet theater, explaining, showing that the price of his gift is equivalent to visiting the whole family of the play.
- Watch how you spend your money and how you feel about the desires of the child.
Analyze: are there any similar reliability in you? Do you spend too often money on toys, sometimes unnecessary? Is this not at the expense of the more immediate needs of other family members?
Do you notice in your child a sense of appreciation for the benefits that he receives from his relatives?