Children under 6 years old Santa Claus is very necessary – just like a fairy with a magic wand, good and evil wizards, carpets, airplanes. After all, fairytale characters and magical objects help kids understand the real world, prepare for all its complexities and learn how to live in it.
Santa Claus has a specific task – to convince a child of the goodness of the world and teach them how to do good deeds on their own. Obediently, you behaved or not, learned to tell poems loudly or not – you still deserve a gift and a holiday, a good attitude.
Of course, parents also inspire such confidence, but Santa Claus is an expression of kindness in general, on a scale of the whole surrounding reality. Perhaps that is why children are very worried, having learned the secret of its non-existence too early.
He was lucky – of all the fairy tale characters, he is the most realistic. Not only that gifts are brought from his name every year, but he himself, personally, comes to every New Year holiday.
He also sits in stores talking with children and walks the streets with a magic stick in his hands and a bag of gifts. He even has a mailing address!
How can you not believe that Santa Claus really exists!
And, of course, parents do the right thing, that they keep faith in him, giving magic to the most beloved children’s holiday. But perhaps still a bit exaggerated.
Firstly, it’s because they’re exploiting the poor old man too much. Already at the end of autumn his image literally pursues, being placed in any place where the child’s gaze can fall.
And with all the forces he calls upon making wishes that he is able to accomplish (of course, for this, the child must at least once say his wish with his parents). And in the end, Santa Claus is so tightly bound in the presentation of a child with gifts that, in general, they often expect nothing but gifts from him.
The second bend in relation to Santa Claus is that it is endowed with such a controlling and even punishing function. “Have you been a good boy all this year?” Asks a kind grandfather before giving a present. “If you don’t obey, Santa Claus will not bring you anything,” parents are trying to bring to discipline. “To get a gift, you have to tell a poem,” the educators urge. Children feel in this situation, it should be noted, not very comfortable.
And you would feel the same way if you knew that all your mistakes were noted, remembered and summed up. They were late for a family celebration – a minus, they did not prepare a dinner – a minus, they talked kindly to their mother-in-law – they would be left without a gift.
No, all of us – both children and adults – need to know that we are loved no matter how well we behaved. Know and feel it.
And by the way, it is this knowledge and this feeling really makes us better, encouraging us to do good deeds.
Elena: “I love the New Year, but now, when the children are a little older, the holiday gives me a lot of problems. Alyona (6 years old) and Denis (5 years old) start discussing in a month what Santa Claus will bring to them.
I do not know what to say to them – to promise that all desires will be fulfilled or to warn that gifts may not be the way they want. I really want them to be really happy, but I do not like the fact that they treat gifts like this. On the last holiday, we gave them a doll and a plane, and then guests came with their children, to whom Santa Claus presented several gifts.
We somehow immediately drooped, Alena even burst into tears. And this year, in my opinion, writes a whole list … “
Sooner or later, an epiphany regarding this kind old man in a red coat will come. How exactly should this happen?
Many parents are worried that, having learned the truth, children will no longer trust them, adults. What is the best thing to do – to say everything as it is, by yourselves, or to wait when the child guesses everything, once he finds in the parents’ room what he finds in the magic bag? Many children learn about everything before their parents make a decision – from older brothers or more progressive and realistic kindergarten friends.
And then they themselves have to make a choice – to believe or not to believe.
Someone is really disappointed when he realizes that he has been deceived so many times, someone takes it absolutely calmly, and someone … still continues to believe that miracles happen with the New Year chimes. But most people come to this discovery independently and gradually – when they begin to realize the limits of reality in general. And it does not deliver any special experiences – they simply join the world of people included in one game.
Continue to buy gifts and discuss with the child decorations for the Christmas tree, sew carnival costumes and prepare surprises. Continue to prove that the holiday is not only material gifts, it is also a special relationship, and a joyful atmosphere, and something completely elusive – fabulous and wonderful, albeit quite real.
Your efforts will not be in vain: the child will learn for the whole life how to make life more pleasant, and the holiday is more fun, and will surely make his own children happy with the help of this knowledge.
If one day a nice child comes up and, trustingly looking into your eyes, asks: “Tell me, does Santa Claus happen or not?”, Then you still have to answer. But do not be afraid of this question, because no one presses you against the wall, demanding an unequivocal “yes” or “no.”
Think about what the baby feels and what answer he is waiting for. It is possible that he is not interested in the fact of the existence of the wizard as such – he just wants to talk about his, about the child.
Answer in accordance with the age, desires and mood of the baby. However, even if the child insists on hearing the whole truth, no matter how terrible it is, you can still avoid it, giving it freedom for imagination.
French psychologist Francoise Dolto advised in cases where a child doubts, generally to get away from the answer. That is, do not say directly either no or yes, but ask counter questions. “Does your friend say that Santa Claus doesn’t happen?”
And why is he so sure of that? ”; “Doubt? And what would you like? ”; “Do you think all people think that there is no magic?” If a child is 5 years old, this “confusion” will be very useful. On the one hand, there is no deception (“It’s hard to say whether it is there or not, because so many people all over the world believe in it”), on the other hand, it’s keeping secrets and magic.
Francoise Dolto believed that such answers contribute to the ability to think creatively.
Anna: “When my daughter was small, she believed in Santa Claus. But then at the age of six she began to ask if it was true or not.
I did not know what to say – I was sorry to destroy the atmosphere of the fairy tale, but at the same time I didn’t want to deceive it either. And I replied that I didn’t know for sure that the gifts were really chosen by us and dad, but the New Year is still a special holiday, there is no other one like that.
And she said that once I had fulfilled a wish made for the New Year, she was born, Julia. Now the daughter is adult, she has her own children.
She is an independent, responsible and very successful person. She achieved everything herself. But, answering her children the question of whether Santa Claus exists, she says the same thing that she learned from me in due time.
So that they also believe in a fairy tale and that our most cherished dreams come true. In my opinion, such faith only helps a person in life. “
Fantasy is an important part of a child’s life. But it is a part, not the whole life. And cases where fantasies and tales are given such a large place that reality is almost completely supplanted by reality, they require careful attention.
Do not miss the signs of this.
Lack of a sense of reality. The child endows himself and others with some qualities and behaves in accordance with what he invented, without leaving a single moment out of this state.
Four-year-old Sasha was afraid of her neighbor, because she always made remarks and laughed loudly. He sent her to the forest to the evil little men and … just stopped noticing when he came across her in the yard. “This is not she, she is in the forest, and I will not greet this aunt,” he said to his mother.
The child receives from the process of immersion in the fairy world such pleasure, which does not give him anything from the world of this. He can listen to fairy tales endlessly, and having barely learned to read, he does not raise his head from books.
Often parents are even happy with such curiosity and only then notice that, apart from reading, the child does not do anything at all.
Narrowing social circle and lack of interest in general entertainment and games. By and large, the child can notice a negative attitude towards others.
He does not show this in aggressiveness, but carefully avoids situations of communication.
The reasons for this hobby are that the child is not satisfied with the surrounding reality. He does not feel well in his family, he cannot improve relations with his peers – one way or another, his invented world turns out to be better than the real one.
And the task of parents is to understand what is happening. What does a child need, what does he lack in reality and what problems does he solve by inventing a fairy tale in reality. And, of course, to make sure that he finds all this – love, support, care, friendship.
To feel happy just like that, every day, and not by a wave of a magic wand.
Olga: “I did not believe in Santa Claus in childhood and didn’t even know who it was. Parents gave gifts on their own behalf. And I also wanted a fairy tale: for someone to come at night, put gifts under the pillow and fulfill dreams.
And, probably, therefore now I arrange such holidays to my children (and even to adults). Once on New Year’s Day, I could not return from a business trip.
Non-flying weather, and not a single train ticket. And then suddenly: “There is one ticket!” Lucky – there is no such thing for the holidays. But it was the New Year! ”
At six years old, a child knows how to manage emotions and build relationships with others. He no longer needs magical support – he is ready to accept the world as it is.
It is believed that this is already an opportune time to say goodbye to Santa Claus. But how to behave to parents, if the child learned the truth about the good wizard before the deadline – and not in the best possible way?
What to do in this case depends on the age of the child. It will be easy to convince the smallest of the opposite, because children of three or four years old most of all trust adults. Say that many people have such an oddity – not to believe in miracles, but this does not mean that there are no miracles themselves.
Such words, supported by a gift under the Christmas tree for the coming New Year, will be very convincing. Anyone who is older is more likely to doubt, ask questions and make his own assumptions.
Parents no longer need to prove the existence of an old wizard by any means. This, on the contrary, can undermine trust – after all, the older the child, the more critical it is to everything.
When the understanding of reality occurs gradually, no drama arises. But still, in the year of parting with Santa Claus, pay a little more attention to the holiday, and to the child himself. Tell us in more detail how the holiday and its traditions arose, how different peoples call the main holiday wizard.
Walk around the New Year’s Eve streets more, plunging into the festive atmosphere. Buy cards, souvenirs, table decorations, decide with your child who will give what and what gifts to make congratulations. If there is a younger brother or sister in the family, discuss with the elder how Santa Claus (he still exists for them) will congratulate them.
And be sure to reassure the child in terms of gifts and entertainment. The main thing – do not overdo it with sympathy.
Often parents experience much more children.
Galina: “Children already in the first class knew that there was no Santa Claus. They took it quite calmly.
But I was sad. I recalled how we put gifts under the tree, which did the tricks to go unnoticed. And now nothing will happen. “Let Santa Claus be like us for a few more years, as an exception,” the children joked.
Now we are doing that. ”