“How strange it is that your girl, a year and a half, still does not walk. But her cousin with might and main stamped at the age of 10 months! ”,“ Don’t you think that for a two-year-old child Sasha speaks simply fantastic?
I can not even believe that he is younger than Polina! ”,“ All my grandchildren at 2 years old already went only to the pot. If I were you, I would ask the pediatrician why your girl is lagging behind. “In the family circle, at the sandbox, in the nursery locker room” comparative analysis “of others and their own children is in full swing. As soon as we become parents, we immediately begin to evaluate the “achievements” of our treasures, strenuously looking at them for signs of advanced development and getting terrified if the slightest lag behind the statistical “norm” is found. “I’m generally anxious by nature,” admits the mother of 4-year-old Denis. “From the very first minutes of my son’s life, I was already in a panic, because on the Apgar scale, which assesses the viability of the newborns, he scored only 7 points.
Thank God that in five minutes he already had 9! Then I was afraid that he was not gaining enough weight quickly, that he had too little girth of the head. I analyzed each mark in his medical record in detail, and we spent hours discussing it with my mother.
I recorded all our achievements by leaps and bounds: the first smile, the first tooth, the first step, the first word, the first night without a diaper, the first drawn little man. And I am proud that my son acquires all the necessary skills on time, it fills me with confidence about his future! ”
This concern for strict compliance with the schedules and standards of development is being introduced deeper and deeper into the minds of modern parents. Fathers and mothers today read a lot of popular magazines and special literature and get a lot of information about the so-called “normal” stages of child development, although no child exactly fits the standard model described by statistics.
The graphs that represent the stages of mastering a variety of skills and abilities are averaged. One should never forget that every child, like every parent, is absolutely unique! Such words, of course, are encouraging, but what if your child is the first, and therefore you have no criteria for assessing his development? “I never held a newborn in my arms before my eldest daughter was born,” says Ella. – I had to rely on the official calendar: first smile at the age of 4 to 8 weeks, at two months the child holds the head and follows the moving object with his eyes, at 6 months he sits down and begins to babble, at 9 he crawls on all fours, at 10 on legs, etc. As soon as it seemed to me that my daughter deviated from the norm even though something, I was gripped by horror.
But from the second and the third I became much calmer, I realized that all stages of development are coming quite naturally, everything comes in its turn. ”
And in fact, is it worth declaring a state of emergency in the family if the child is a little slow in starting to walk, or is not eating with a spoon in a year and a half? “Already about 20 years ago, scientists precisely established three important things regarding the development of children,” says French psycho-sociologist Jean Epstein. – All newborns begin to acquire a variety of skills from the very first hours of life. After all, the abilities of each baby are absolutely exceptional! There is an incredible variety of developmental options depending on each individual child.
The scope of the concept of “norm” in relation to walking, speech, neatness, reading, etc., has been significantly expanded. For example, today it is considered normal if the child finally refuses diapers between 2 and 6 years, and begins to read – between 4 and 9. So if the child is not yet ready to start reading at the age of 6, there is nothing “abnormal” , and you do not need to force him to jump over the necessary stages of development, if he still needs some time to master this skill.
Finally, the notion of the duration of the period over which all “epochal” events in a child’s life should happen has changed. The statement that everything is resolved at the age of 3-6 years is absolutely ridiculous, since there are periods of catching up in children’s development, and children as early as adolescence may well catch up with what they “slipped” in childhood. If a child has some difficulty at 7 years old, this does not mean that he will have problems all his life.
A child is fully capable, if loved ones support him, to re-enter the harmonious rhythm of development. All these scientific facts should have encouraged the parents, but they have never been more concerned with the development of their children than they are today! ”
What to argue, today we live in a rather ruthless world. The competition is fierce, and modern parents have enough reasons to say: at a distance leading to success, that child starts more successfully, which has a certain odds compared to others.
If a child missed a lesson in music or drawing, because he was asleep after dinner, or did not go to the pool because of a cold, they get upset: what, the opportunity to make a kind of educational breakthrough is up!
TOEach of us wants his child to be the best, the most beautiful, the strongest and the most intelligent. It would be strange if we did not dream about it! But. “The anxiety of parents is constantly fueled by this,” emphasizes the child psychologist Inga Rybakova, “that there is always a difference between a real and an imaginary child.
The aspirations of parents do not coincide with the real childish possibilities. ” In addition, mothers reproach themselves: “My daughter speaks poorly because I went to work and didn’t pay her enough attention” (“I didn’t give to this circle,” “they didn’t hire an English tutor at 2 years old”).
Meanwhile, new achievements of our children do not occur in all areas at the same time. A kid engaged in mastering the techniques of walking simply cannot intensively concentrate on the development of speech.
A child who puts all his energy into solving the problem of going to the pot will pay less attention to, say, drawing. In addition, the well-known American pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton argues: new skills are unevenly taught by children, periods of progress are followed by pauses, during which I can show parents that the child has stopped and even stepped back in its development. In fact, he is simply preparing for a new “throw”, and this may require several months of effort and concentration.
We, adults, are accustomed to focus only on the final result, and after all these “periods of rest” are very necessary for our children: the harmony of their development depends on them.
It is important to assess children’s development as a whole, to pay attention not only to its rhythm, but also to all its areas – intellectual, sensual, emotional. In order to achieve professional success and become a fully developed personality, the harmony of emotions is no less necessary than the well-known IQ – the intellectual factor. “A sociable, pleased with himself, surrounded by friends, a child“ starts ”as well in school life as the one who has been reading since 4 years,” emphasizes Inga Rybakova. – If a kid before school prefers to play, rather than count or write, this does not mean that he has less chance of success.
Children who attended early development courses and those who have not been to such classes even once are equal in grade one in the first grade. ”
No one will deny that being a parent of a child with brilliant personalities, well developed in all areas, is terribly enjoyable. But gifted children are actually very rare. So let’s not forcibly turn our kids into future geniuses of humanity right from the cradle!
A child forms his mind only by developing his imagination. While playing, he “works” with his inner world and emotions and is preparing to become an adult.
European education tends to speed up child development. No Asian or African mother will worry if her child does not get up at night to go to the pot at 2 years old. She knows that everything will be adjusted in a natural way, say, by 3 years.
And really, have you seen a lot of schoolchildren in diapers?
By the way, the more we are impatient, the more likely it is that the child will “get stuck” at one of the stages of development. “Alarmed parents daily transfer their stress to the child,” emphasizes psychologist Inga Rybakova. “The kid clearly catches any doubt in his abilities and, naturally, begins to lose confidence in his own abilities.”
Indeed, it is better to allow the child to develop in his own rhythm. “In Japan,” says Jean Epstein, “they have already noticed the negative effect of overly active attempts to intellectually“ load up ”babies of 2–3 years of age. You do not need to demand too much from our children, you do not need to “sentence” them to success.
Otherwise, they will not suffer the first school failure and “break” at the first misfire.
So, you should not stuff the knowledge of the smallest, but it is extremely important to constantly satisfy their curiosity. “We need to listen and look closely at the child,” Inga Rybakova advises, “and offer him the stimulating games he needs in order to develop his abilities.” You can not concentrate on failures and try to fill the gap with any price from early childhood.
It is much more important to emphasize his success and rejoice in them to help him gain confidence in himself.