By inheritance, you can get not only a luxurious mansion in Miami or a round Swiss bank account. From ancestors, we get a company nose with a crook, reproduced with amazing persistence in half of our relatives, and “family” traits such as inextinguishable optimism, tediousness, laziness, or hard work.
However, the nature and external similarity – only the visible part of the iceberg. Almost the entire set of moral guidelines that we follow daily, was composed before us by our forefathers.
We usually do not realize this share of the inheritance, and in fact it determines our lot. Psychologists have called this program the genocode. The term unites a set of stable stereotypes of thinking, behavior and emotional reactions that build up the life scenarios of members of one clan.
How exactly we inherit them is not yet clear to scientists.
Unlike the exact science of genetics, the branch of psychology called “psychogenetics of behavior” relies solely on speculative conclusions. Nevertheless, anyone can be convinced of the immutability of the theory of the gene-code, one has only to shake well with the branches of one’s genealogical tree.
The voice of the ancestors dictates to our subconscious how to interpret the events around us and how to act in them, based on how our ancestors reacted to the same situations and how they overcame them. In this case, the covenants of grandparents “heir” hears, as a rule, more clearly than the messages of their own parents.
Key installations are formed in previous generations in response to critical moments of life: long journeys, repression, loss of loved ones, divorce, injustice. Of course, not only mistakes and failures, but also positive experience are taken into account, but it is the everyday obstacles that leave a negative imprint on family memory.
Information about them is passed on from generation to generation, and even if some family secrets and psychological traumas are silenced, the trace of them remains in the genetic layers. And we often copy the fate of our ancestors and fall into the same traps.
Over the years, the social scenery has changed, and transsemeal parallels are not always obvious, but can be traced if desired.
Identifying “common places” in the fate of their predecessors is useful to everyone. Problems not solved by great-grandfathers fall on our shoulders and make adjustments to our dreams. If we dream aloud about Illya Muromets or countless treasures, then unconsciously we can expect Koschei the Immortal or a broken trough from the fate.
And the fate of a long time does not need to beg.
Our hopes are deceived to be glad. The mechanism is as follows: if a woman took over from her ancestors the belief that she was not worthy of the love of a reliable, loyal man, then she would reject all ideal candidates in favor of a notorious scoundrel.
If a man inherited the axiom that there were never rich people in his family, no matter how many people broke his forehead, he would hardly ever hit the jackpot.
The world around us adapts not to our desires, but to our expectations. We attract those circumstances and those satellites that these aspirations will justify. Moreover, people perceive us in the light of our expectations, and it is often meaningless to demand more from them.
Need proof? All our friends can be divided into two categories. If the first ones ask us for a favor, we immediately rush to the aid, without asking unnecessary questions, and the second we refuse outright and immediately without explaining the reasons.
Simply, the “lucky ones” are sure that the world is a gift, and people are brothers, and the “losers” are convinced that their fate has been cheated by them and are set to fail in advance. We read these unofficial installations and act accordingly.
“I want” and “I can” do not always coincide. But if this discrepancy prevents us from achieving our goals or getting pleasure from life, it is worth looking back at the forefathers.
First you need to ask yourself, do you want to repeat their mistakes? Or, on the contrary, do you want to break out from outsiders to leaders, find a reliable partner in life, and so on?
If you do not analyze the lives of your ancestors, do not reconstruct the family history, then get rid of ineffective behaviors will not work. As long as we are not aware of them, we will move through life in a state of a kind of “genetic trance.”
Sowing the habit of acting according to learned patterns, we reap our character, and by sowing character we reap our destiny.
But nothing prevents us from using the same formula by simply changing the conditions of the problem. Transforming our habits, emotional reactions and behavior, we can become our own directors.
To understand what family laws affect you, you need to make a genogram. It is similar to a schematic depiction of a genealogical tree.
Reflect in it at least 3-4 generation. Men designate triangles, women – circles. Inside the figures indicate the age or years of life, and next to each married couple put down the duration of the marriage.
If a relative has been erased from the clan memory, he should take his rightful place on the genogram, and it is important to find out the reasons for his “exile”. At the second stage, one can proceed to the analysis of intrafamily relations.
It will be easier to start if you are aware of your problem or character trait, which you are especially unsympathetic. Do you often quarrel with your spouse? Now you know that you are waiting for these quarrels, it remains to find out from whom exactly you got this installation.
To do this, you will need to explore the relationship of your ancestors in terms of emotional intimacy and mutual respect.
Particular attention should be paid to repetitions in scenarios, landmark events, wedding dates, births of children and death, the degree of emotional closeness in different branches, the attitude of ancestors to themselves and to each other, their profession, the presence or absence of education and work, their ways to overcome crises . Learn the clan myths – sustainable ideas about all the main areas of life (when and who married, how many children to have, how to bring them up, what kind of work is better).
They are laid in the genocode, and then perceived by us as an axiom.
Listen to family proverbs (“Don’t tell anything to anyone – they will be jealous”, “Forever we are not like people”) – by themselves they clearly indicate traps set for “heirs”.
To rewrite the life scenario, it is necessary to retrain our unconscious, which is used to check with inherited stereotypes.
1) Twice a day in a relaxed atmosphere, you can work with affirmations – affirmative positive judgments, in which new beliefs are formulated. These “mantras” are a tool of self-suggestion: they help to fix new goals, tasks and rules of behavior.
It is better to start them with the words: “Now I know that …” and build in the present tense. You do not need to tie the realization of the dream to specific deadlines and formulate the phrase as if you have already achieved the goal.
2) At first, you can use a universal installation for everyone: “Now I know that I am not a repetition of my ancestors, I fully use my own right to life, filled with ease, confidence, mutual understanding and pleasure.”
3) To overcome the negative attitude towards the past, which may arise during the investigation, will help the “diet of good news.” Refuse to be someone else’s vest, but first start with yourself: stop complaining about fortune.
4) During the day, mark 3 thoughts or actions for which you can praise yourself. So, positive features will become more frequent, and you stop putting negative labels on yourself, people around you, and events in your life.
5) Analyze your attitude to relatives. Perhaps they see themselves differently than you do them, but unwittingly adjust to your expectations.
Spouses both need to change their expectations and behavior. If a couple wants to be together, you can always find a way to build a union so as to get pleasure from each other.
But both should want it.
Psychologists identify about 20 typical life scenarios laid down by the gene code. Each of them sets certain traps in our path that prevent us from feeling the joy of life. The most common and most viscous are these:
The victims. These people are unconsciously prepared for the fact that they will not be considered.
They put all their strength on the altar of other people’s interests, sincerely believing that this is their destiny from above. The victims are convinced that fate is unfair to them. As a result, they do not want to control their own life and take responsibility for it, so they have no healthy desire to defend their interests.
The victims are often children born “at the wrong time.” They also appear in families where mom lives exclusively with household chores and does not receive any thanks for his works or where his father was unjustly expelled from work.
Tyrants. Their slogan: “There are only two opinions – mine and wrong.”
They are constantly lobbying their overtly aggressive leadership position and keep close circle in constant tension. They are categorical in their views on the distribution of roles and the rules of their own and other people’s behavior. But the position of the tyrant is dual: he is a despot and a victim at the same time.
Such a scenario is inherited by children who have suffered physical or moral violence in the family. As adults, they do not miss a chance to recoup their loved ones or subordinates.
Wrestlers They are born in families where stories about overcome and current difficulties are constantly kept. Wrestlers are constantly looking for obstacles.
They believe that the success achieved by the easy price cannot be real. All because their ancestors really fought for survival and handed the message to the heirs: “The world is full of dangers.
The one who notices them first and neutralizes will survive. ”
Bruins. “All that I have is not that or not quite that,” they think, and for disappointments of various scale they always find a lot of reasons. They are always dissatisfied with everything, because, before making a choice, they doom themselves to dissatisfaction beforehand.
The grumpy temper develops under the influence of the strongest disappointment that befell one of the ancestors. This may be an unsuccessful marriage, the destruction of the family nest by the elements, the betrayal of a business partner.