All mothers are familiar with the situation when the baby starts screaming every time someone tries to borrow his paddle or truck. You probably tried to explain to the little owner more than once that no one would want to play with him if he behaved in this way.
But the kid does not convince. Do not try to tell him about a brotherly feeling, about the possibility of giving up something for the pleasure of another person.
For a two-year-old baby it’s too high matter. And that’s fine.
At the age of two years (sometimes a little later), the child realizes for the first time that there are things that belong only to him. A cot, clothes, toys – the baby is now confidently saying “mine” about all this.
But the child, unlike adults, perceives his things as part of himself. And therefore he regards the attempts of other children to take possession of them as an encroachment on him.
During this period, the baby goes through a phase of building up his own “I”, psychologically separating from the mother. Finding a sense of autonomy, he builds and denotes the boundaries of his personality.
For a baby, what is outside of it is also one with it. When the child grows up, he will know that there are objects that he owns, and that they will not cease to be such if someone takes them in his hands. But for now the baby must feel his property in the literal sense of the word.
He pulls the toys to himself during the walk and never for a minute lets them out of sight. So when we ask him to borrow a little friend with just a paddle or a machine, it’s the same as if we asked him to part with his pajamas or bed for a while. And the negative reaction of the child is not a whim and not a manifestation of egoism, but a categorical statement that he needs to have everything he has with him in order to feel his integrity.
Do not be ashamed of the child for the manifestation of greed, thus ignoring his feelings and denying support. Do not deny the right of the child to make their own decisions: by showing respect to the feelings of the child, you will facilitate the passage of this phase of development.
But how, then, does the baby adapt to real life? After all, we would like our child to learn to behave in a socially acceptable way, to be generous, polite and willing to share with others. You can simply explain to a child how relationships are built in human society, what is acceptable and what is not.
Be prepared for the fact that even if your explanations are available to the child’s understanding, he will not accept them. This “lesson” will be useful to him a little later.
You must have noticed the fact that children, who know perfectly well what “my” is, still do not understand what “someone else” means. This is often the cause of conflicts that flare up on the playground: for a minute, without forgetting about their property, the child, without fear and doubt, tries to take possession of the comrade’s favorite toy.
This is because the child is not yet able to take into account the interests and desires of other people. He does not know how to control and restrain his momentary impulses, and the desired object must immediately be in his hands. He is not in the least upset by the offended roar of the baby, from whom he took a toy.
Gradually, with your help, the young expropriator will understand that other children also have things that belong only to them, and they feel the same possessive feelings towards them as he does.
Curiously, not all children passing through the stage of egocentrism is characterized by a reverent attitude to their property. Some babies are completely different.
At the same age, they manifest themselves as true altruists and easily share their toys with other children. Does this mean that the formation of their personality is somehow wrong?
Should it be alarming and how to relate to such “generosity”?
Some parents are concerned that the child easily gives up his toys, without showing any special emotions. Is this not a sign of weak character, inability to stand up for yourself?
There is no special cause for concern here, it’s just that these children have found a different way of building and affirming their own “I.” They derive confidence and a sense of their integrity from something else.
Perhaps they have enough approval coming from their parents. For them, the baby is their property, what they own and what they need. My son is the most beautiful, kind, generous.
So parents fill the “I” of his crumbs, while, for his part, he does not have to make special efforts. There are advantages and disadvantages. The child is able to show generosity and is not too attached to material values, but most often this is how he acts, supporting the wishes of the parents.
In many cases, it will be more difficult for such a child to take care of itself and defend its interests.