On how well you prepare the first-born child for the appearance of a younger brother or sister, his subsequent reaction depends in many respects. It is better if the first meeting of children takes place when the crumb is just beginning to grow in my mother’s tummy. After all, the older child should get used to the idea in advance that now apart from him there will be another little man in the family.
The main thing is to set it up for a positive prospect of living together.
“It is necessary to inform the child about the appearance of a new family member in different ways, depending on his age,” says psychologist Aleksandra Kuksina. – A child under 3 years old can better explain everything clearly. You can give him a pupsik or a doll in his hands and say: “Look, once you were just as small, but now you’ve grown up. But soon we will have a baby, that’s as small as this doll.
Maybe you and he will look like. When he grows up, he will love you very much. Just like you and daddy love you. ”
A child of about 6 years old should first be told about their feelings. “Tell me that you and your spouse love him so much that you want another baby to appear in the family,” continues the psychologist. – If this is a boy, tell him that since he is older, then he will be an example for the baby. If your daughter is growing up, say that you really hope for her help in bringing up the baby. A child who is already 8 years old can be interested in that when the future baby grows up, you can play a lot with him.
Tell a ten-year-old child something interesting about small children, about how they grow and develop. How brothers and sisters are similar to each other and their parents, and how they differ.
Let the communication on this topic be informative and interesting for him.
In transitional age – about 12 years and older – for children, communication with peers and people outside the family is often the most important. So just promise the child that the baby who is to be born can become his lifelong friend. ”
The jealousy of the eldest child after birth in the family of the younger one is inevitable.
Completely avoid the manifestations of negativity on the part of the older child in relation to the newborn, most likely, will not succeed. But to minimize them is quite realistic. The main thing is to make the firstborn feel your sincere love for him.
To give him more attention is very important, just not to “bend the stick.” We can not allow the parents to communicate with the child looked like an attempt to make amends, besides non-existent.
The birth of a newborn is a wonderful indicator by which the character of an older child can be determined. There are children who, even before conception, “ask” their parents for a sister or brother. In this case, the information about the upcoming addition will bring them joy.
However, in some babies, the news of the appearance of another man can cause negative feelings. The baby is very impressed by the changing maternal emotions, is under stress from the changing rhythm of life.
Mom less and less allowed him to play where he loves. In the apartment there are new things for the newborn, all attention is focused on the unborn child.
Instead of reacting too violently to the negative behavior of the child, better support him, help him choose the safest way to express his emotions.
Children all feel and understand, they just sometimes can’t label thoughts in the right direction. The child should be given an objective assessment of the future situation.
It is also important to tell him about the possible feelings that he may experience after the birth of a brother or sister. Sometimes children are ashamed to express negative emotions, because they think that they will be less loved for it in the family.
Give the firstborn a chance to speak out!
You still have time to prepare your baby to make him feel like an adult. Let him learn to go to the pot on his own, slowly move from the nursery to the big bed, go to kindergarten.
Pre-approved measures will contribute to a more relaxed perception of all changes by the child.
Sergey, the father of 9-month-old Zakhar and Nikolay (3 years, 9 months):
“When Zakhar was born, the biggest problem for me was to solve the question of how his eldest son, a three-year-old Nikolai, would react to his birth. Thank God, the correct preparation for the appearance of a brother and the active character of Nicholas won.
Soon the elder brother turned into a real “mother hen”. The first few months he watched every rustle of the younger, sang him lullabies. As soon as Zakhar began to cry, Nikolay invented another fairy tale, under which the kid dutifully fell asleep. “
To get started, assign him to meet guests at home and introduce them to the baby.
- Raise love between your children from a young age.
During the “cooing” with a newborn, try to make him understand that he has an older brother or sister. Point the child to a brother who is standing next to him, bring the packages to the elder’s face.
Your first child will be very pleased to touch the face of the baby, kiss him. The baby “translate” to the elder like this: “Look how he smiles at you!
He only does this when you’re around. ”
- Eliminate the spirit of rivalry.
Be prepared for the fact that the baby will distract you from feeding every time. To eliminate the spirit of rivalry, offer him to lie down next to and get ready to listen to the tale that you tell him while you feed the crumbs.
- Show the older child that the “first turn” is not always for the newborn.
At some point, it will be right to rearrange the accents and make it clear that the newborn can sometimes “wait.” For example, first read the older child an interesting chapter from the book and only after that go for a walk with the baby.
- Tell the older child about the benefits of being a senior.
That this is not only new responsibilities, but also new rights. Benefits Mass – Firstborn is not as helpless as it once was; he can make his own decisions: ride a bike, eat ice cream, play with friends, etc.
- Pay senior attention.
Continue to give warmth and love to the older baby and do not stop assuring him that there will be enough love for all family members. Use any chance to be near him.
Try to connect dad to evening classes with the baby, and set aside at least half an hour to communicate with the elder (play, talk about the secret, just sit in an embrace).
The elder must feel proud if his mother at least sometimes draws his attention to the fact that the little brother or sister still can’t do anything, and he can teach them a lot of what he knows himself.
Do not promise your baby bright prospects in connection with the birth of a brother or sister. He must understand that the newborn at first only sleeps, eats and cries. Explain the real situation to him.
Tell us how small he was. Bring him to visit friends who have children of different ages.
Seven-year-old daughter of Irina Valeria gladly met the news of her mother’s pregnancy. She was mentally prepared for the appearance of her younger brother or sister, as she rotated in the circle of numerous relatives who had several children in their families. Irina picked up the right words, encouraging her daughter and putting the responsibility in front of her: “We will need your help!” And Lera gladly began to help her parents — she did small, feasible chores around the house.
Immediately after the birth of the baby, the girl experienced great pride. All congratulated her on the birth of her sister and asked many questions.
At that moment, she felt like the heroine of the day, was the center of attention. After the maternity hospital, attention turned to the younger sister, but the parents didn’t lose their head, actively engaging Lera in common troubles. But sometimes it seemed to Irina that the eldest daughter was provoking her to harsh words in her address.
Each time my mother tried to smooth the situation, but Lera still fulfilled requests with a feeling of dissatisfaction – a typical manifestation of a child’s “ego.” According to Irina, Valeria still does not want to grow up – asks to help her wash in the shower, tie her shoelaces. Leroux has always been pampered and taken care of, because her potential for independence was “hammered.”
In this sense, the appearance of a sister positively influenced her attitude. Willy-nilly Lera had to become more independent.
On the other hand, with the birth of a sister, the girl’s threshold of sensitivity increased. Recently, Irina admitted: “My immediate task is to concentrate on the problems of my eldest daughter.
Some of the responsibilities of caring for the younger one will be given to the nanny. ”
Sometimes, in order to please adults, children behave defiantly well, showing how they love babies, and, being alone, experience heart-breaking feelings. Although this does not mean that this remark is an axiom.
For the “prevention” of jealousy, you can organize the playing of mini-plots on this topic (under the guise of the development of acting skills). You can use the book by I. Medvedeva and T. Shishova “Multicolored white crows” (Dubna: Phoenix, 2005).
Olga, mother of 4-year-old Masha and 2-month-old Glory:
“The birth of a second child was a kind of test for our four-year-old Masha. After the birth of Slava’s brother, she became impossibly capricious, didn’t talk to anyone, hid herself under the table and didn’t want to crawl out of it, demanding that she be fed from a bottle. My task was to help my daughter cope with this.
I realized that I had previously built for myself an ideal model of behavior: equal loving attitude, increased attention, encouraging positive behavior and ignoring the negative manifestations in the “infant” tricks of the older girl. But, unfortunately, every adult who goes through a similar situation knows that it does not always help. ”
The manifestation of childish jealousy is a normal and healthy phenomenon. It arises from the fact that children love. The main thing is to help the child avoid feeling guilty for these emotions. “First of all, we should not forget that the 6–7-year-old baby continues to be small for a long time,” says psychologist Irina Petrova. – When parents actively switch to the newborn, the child’s suffering is inevitable.
At this point, as a therapy, it is useful to surround him with new friends and close relatives who will come to the family. This will be a very good psychological defense for the firstborn from “dislikes”.
Lera’s desire to have her washed in the shower, tied her shoelaces, etc., is a typical demonstration of this “dislike”. But remember: there is not a single situation where this childish feeling would be groundless. At such a moment, the baby is not yet able to fully express discontent and resorts to various “signals”: requests, whims and even threats with tears.
The fact that we once did not receive enough in the family, is manifested later in our attitude towards loved ones. Perhaps, during the period of growth of the older child, the parents were too busy, and the grandmother was engaged in upbringing. Such children are very often good brothers and sisters, but deep down they are uncomfortable.
The child may decline self-esteem, he will consider himself “bad.”