Let us call things by their proper names: the so-called partner childbirth came into fashion. And in this regard, psychologists are increasingly recommending to expectant mothers to ask themselves a simple question: does the future dad really want this?
Are we dragging fathers into the delivery room by force?
Presence at childbirth was considered as an incomparable experience of joining the clan of “real men”, the same as previously considered military service.
“Here is how! And what are your urgent matters so as not to be present? ”- You can often hear from midwives and doctors during birth preparation courses.
Young fathers have to give in to the onslaught of family and friends: “Do not miss this opportunity, this is an extraordinary experience. And then, you did it together, so … “or spouses:” At Masha (Tanya, Oli, Dasha) the husband was there, and the worse for me? “
In such cases, it is not so easy for a man to go against the current and admit that he has no desire to be present at birth. He is too afraid to seem like a bad husband and father!
Today, experts are unanimous: 70% of fathers are present at childbirth just because they are strongly asked for it.
At the same time, in the birth block, the future fathers are tolerated rather than accepted with open arms. Due to the lack of staff, some doctors do not want to burden themselves with the presence of a person who, moreover, does not quite understand what he is doing here.
Of course, in the leading medical institutions of the country, medical teams are ready to open the doors of the ancestral chamber to them. But…
Most often, the father is perceived as a representative of a support group, and not as a person who feels the same as a woman in labor. Therefore, he finds himself in some isolation.
In addition, men, as a rule, are not sufficiently prepared for physical and emotional stress during childbirth, which, moreover, may be delayed in time.
Childbirth is a difficult moment for everyone, because the process is not only uneasy emotionally, but also very physiological. According to psychoanalysts, a man who is present during the birth of his partner seems to be re-experiencing his own birth.
To see a child appear between the hips of a woman, where the source of pleasure for a man is, is a very strong, exciting moment, psychotherapists say. Some fathers say that at that moment they even have thoughts about incest, about the mystery of life and imaginary sex with their own mother, which brought them into the world.
In the case of difficult childbirth, if a man is poorly prepared or inexperienced, the case may even turn into tension in the relationship.
Professionals in one voice say: preparing for the birth of the baby is necessary for the future mother, but also the future fathers should not be neglected. A man who comes to support his wife can provide invaluable help.
But if he panics, he will not be able to help, but only further increase her stress!
The most important question that the future father should ask himself, even sincerely wishing to share this crucial moment with his wife: what should I do? And the answer is better to look for in advance – midwives have too many other things to do with their husbands. In the process of childbirth, there are many moments when a woman is left alone, without the medical staff surrounding her.
It is her husband at such moments that does not allow her to become puzzled, encourages and reassures. It is very important. And a man does not necessarily have to constantly be near his wife.
It is important that he was nearby and the woman knew about it. The word “here” does not refer to any particular place (it is not necessary to be in the same room), but rather to the time (we are united by common thoughts).
The father’s role is to choose words that the future mother cannot express in words. He does not experience physical pain, but he can talk about her and share it with a party horn with a gesture or a look.
The practical side of participation requires preliminary preparation from the future pope. He must clearly know how the whole process is proceeding and what he can do useful at every stage.
During the first period of labor – cervical dilatation, as soon as the contractions begin to repeat every 7–8 minutes and last for 5 minutes, he can rub his lower back and remind him how to breathe during contractions, and even better – to breathe with her. If the expectant mother actively behaves during childbirth, the spouse can become her support in the truest sense of the word: to give a hand if she wants to walk, or a neck if she wants to hang during a fight.
The future dad should not forget about anesthesia: to press on the protruding parts of the iliac bones, to stroke the lower abdomen from the bottom up in the rhythm of breathing during the fight, to press his fists on the sacrum.
At the time of the birth of the child, if the father decided to remain in the birth unit, during the attempts he needs to support his wife’s head so that she is maximally inclined to her chest – it will be easier for her to push. And do not forget to show an example of proper breathing under the guidance of a doctor.
Even if the desire to attend childbirth is sincere, the situation may change in the course of the process, because theory is one thing, and practice is quite another. Future fathers should not hesitate to say something and should be able to leave the room at any time!
A man who does not want to attend childbirth should listen. In the name of what should he force himself? It doesn’t matter if he missed this event of his own accord or by chance – he will catch up with his own.
Whatever his arguments, they have nothing to do with his masculinity and the ability to become a good father a little later! This is a personal choice of everyone, and only the couple itself can discuss this issue.
And of course, it happens that the opinions of the two partners do not coincide … In this case, the decision must be made by the man. Psychologists say: to go to rodblok against their will is meaningless.