Your husband is especially happy when you watch a good football game or a hockey battle on TV. He is a bit fixated on himself, thinks more about his own pleasure and loves when no one bothers him.
However, with all this, a calm homebody is rather pleasant in communication and usually agrees with you in everything. When you offer him to go somewhere together, he follows you without a second thought. He is always ready to dine at your mom’s house or go to a concert or theater performance that interests you.
You are not satisfied only with the fact that he himself never offers anything, as if he is not capable of taking initiative at all. Even when his friends call him to get together and have dinner together, he says: “Wait, give the phone to the boss.”
At such moments you can hardly restrain yourself.
Opinion of the psychologist. This is a little selfish and degraded man.
He is like a little boy who lives with his caring mom and is happy with everything, because he is sure: she surely knows what is good for him and what is bad for him. If you act head-on, reproaching her husband, he may simply not understand your displeasure, show his teeth and hide behind offended pride.
After all, he always adapts to you, why can not you respect his wishes? Do not expect him to be the first to take the initiative. Better tell me directly what you could enjoy.
For example, ask him to buy theater tickets. If he does, be sure to thank. And you can also invite your husband to play.
Let each of you come up with a lesson for the next weekend. In the middle of the week, be sure to ask what stage his plan is at.
The main thing is for the beloved to understand that you really need his help and support. Help him regain faith in his strength and gain a foothold in the social world.
Otherwise, he will not be able to fully feel what it means to experience true pleasure from meeting with friends or going to a concert.
Your husband constantly says that for him there is nothing more important than children in this life and that they are for him – the holiest. Of course, all this is fine, but behind these words, among other things, lies another excuse to not once again leave the house.
After all, you can not leave three small crumbs with a nanny three times a week. And there can be no talk to carry them along, because they need consistency and the mode of the day: a quiet hour in their beds is better than sleeping in a car.
It is difficult to argue with him, because otherwise he will call you a bad mother and will explain for a long time that having children in your family implies certain duties that he is not going to evade personally.
Let’s admit, he really always agrees to work with children and can spend hours playing all sorts of toys with them. And dinner will prepare, and never refuses to change the gasket in the faucet, and even ready to personally shift the tile in the bathroom.
It’s difficult to quarrel with him, as if you don’t have a reason for it, and yet you are more and more in need of a frank conversation with each passing day.
Opinion of the psychologist. This kind of homebody husband resembles a hen hen that can never part with its chickens. He does not see any sense to go somewhere out of the house, because everything is at hand.
But one day, he may “wake up” and accuse you of being completely stuck, mired in household chores, while he imagined family life to be completely different. And then you have to make a lot of effort to relieve tension. If you do not want to bring the situation to a critical point, try to figure out what caused such a craving for a quiet family backwater from your husband.
Perhaps, as a child, he was simply deprived of such an opportunity. Find out more about how his childhood went and what he lacked.
Understanding the motives of behavior in many ways helps to abandon the non-adaptive or inadequate attempts to get what was missing once. Another reason could be underdeveloped male identification. As a rule, such men suffer from women, who, on the contrary, are very socially and career-oriented.
And in such couples the roles are divided according to these tendencies: the husband is a homebody, and the woman is the breadwinner. The crisis begins when one of the spouses ceases to arrange it.
If you find your dissatisfaction with such a distribution of roles, it is important to understand why this is exactly what happened. After all, any change concerns both and violates the already well-established balance.
Before attempting to pull a husband out of his cocoon, evaluate which aspects of your relationship can become competitive. How much your female identity coincides with his ideas about what a woman should be, and how much you yourself are ready not to control the situation and your husband, because any movement towards changing roles may require you to give up on your usual behaviors.
It makes sense to talk about mutual expectations, to clarify what is missing and who. You can also try to negotiate with your beloved homebody about what he could do outside the house, and, on the contrary, take on a number of domestic troubles. You can even arrange it in the form of a contract.
Success depends on mutual willingness to change something.
The master does not have the slightest desire to move, and his eternal discontent with “everything and everyone” is reflected in you. Dinner with Irina and Igor?
But he saw them two months ago. The last film Mikhalkov? And why stand in line in front of the cinema, if you can safely watch it on DVD a few months later.
An exhibition of contemporary art? With a stroller and things?
This is just like a trip to the North Pole! Even if he agrees, it will still grumble afterwards: “I warned you, I didn’t like this idea right away.”
And even if your husband is capable of insincerity, this is his way of showing that he is right. However, sometimes he may agree that you had a good time, but not as often as you would like it … Because the grumbler-homebody is a proud person.
Opinion of the psychologist. It makes sense to think whether your husband is experiencing a temporary crisis or his bad mood – a sign of a deeper depression. With all his behavior, he reminds a teenager who feels uncomfortable and is ready to make a riot at any moment.
Discontent for him is a way of life at the moment. And the thing is that the husband considers you too an authoritarian person, but he cannot directly say about it.
He thinks you’re bothering them, and it hurt and makes him angry. Be softer, do not take on too much and, most importantly, always ask the opinion of her husband before you do something.
If in this case he refuses to help you, he is worse. You will do what you like, and let him grumble alone. And finally, watch your own behavior.
It is possible that the grumbler sometimes has desires, thoughts that you immediately dismiss, uttering hurtful phrases for him: “We’re wasted time,” “No, definitely won’t,” “What a horror!” Next time try to restrain yourself and listen to your own husband.
After all, no small concessions in family life can not do.