When your baby first hit you, expressing your discontent, you did not pay attention to it. But then, for any reason, he began to beat you and the children in the manger and in the yard.
You do not know how to treat this? Should you allow your child to put out anger on you, hoping that he will cool down and calm down, can you slap him back or will there be enough regular educational conversations?
First of all, you need to understand what “moves” the child when he manifests himself in this way. Features of age, nervous system, education, family environment?
It is also important to answer the question of what feelings a child expresses through physical aggression and destructive actions. As a rule, the child for the first time shows aggression in response to parental prohibitions and restrictions.
On the one hand, such a reaction is quite understandable and natural. A small child cannot understand the situation in which some of his needs are not met, for example, for security reasons, or are satisfied with a delay: “Dad can not play with you now, he is having dinner, wait a bit.”
The baby is still at the mercy of their desires and only with age will learn to endure, wait, or abandon something. The child does not have a “gap” between emotion and its expression; he cannot, as an adult, experience it within himself.
And your task is not to convince the child that being angry is bad, but to teach him to express anger in an acceptable, safe form for others.
Do not diminish the significance of what is happening, saying that “he beats up not painfully,” and do not reassure yourself that “he has such a character.” In response to the attempt to hit you firmly say: “No!
Parents cannot be beaten – this is the rule! ”The sooner you set boundaries and rules, the less reasons the child will have to test your strength. Here the sequence is necessary: it is not necessary to evaluate the same child’s act differently, depending on one’s mood.
The system of restrictions and prohibitions must be clear and stable, the stability of the child’s inner life depends on it. As the child grows up, the requirements need to be revised and, if necessary, modified so that there is no contradiction between the new capabilities of the child and the previous limitations.
After all, the restriction of manifestations of independence and initiative can also serve as a basis for the emergence of aggressive behavior in a child.
It is necessary not only to stop the aggressive behavior of the child, but also to try to understand exactly what caused it. Then it will be easier to prevent it.
Do not make another mistake either: do not let the child surrender. Thus, you “legalize” the manifestations of physical aggression in the family. The emotional stability of the child depends on how much the parents know how to control themselves, to manage their own anger.
In your power to influence how the child learns the skills of adequate expression of feelings. If you tend to respond to the aggression of your offspring with an angry outbreak, then it is likely that the child will copy this form of behavior and will continue to apply it outside the family, in communication with children and adults.
Often the child transfers his experience beyond the family, and then the children in the nursery and on the playground will get it from him. But sometimes a calm, “homemade” child suddenly becomes belligerent, falling into the children’s environment. Whatever the reasons for this behavior, the child must be stopped and strictly explained to him that this cannot be done.
Try to understand what drives your child. Sometimes children behave hostilely if they feel helpless and incompetent in dealing with their peers.
In this case, instead of endlessly scolding him for the fights, teach him to get acquainted, to organize games, explain what the rules of communication are.
An important task for all parents is to teach their child to express negative emotions in an acceptable and safe form for others.
“In 10 months, Kira slapped in the face for no apparent reason, not only us, her parents, but also the nanny and even her great-grandmother! Frankly, every time I was uncomfortable.
To stop this, we all tried: prohibitions, affection, explanations. Nothing helped. Only having matured, the daughter understood that it is impossible to do so.
Now, at 19 months, she has changed for the better. If a “puncture” happens, she understands her mistake and immediately comes to pet her to make amends. ”