No matter how desirable the baby is, its imminent appearance makes many partners pretty nervous, because after only a few months, their lives will change irrevocably. A time of relative stability and clarity will replace a period of uncertainty, and the unfamiliar role of parents will add to the well-developed role of the spouses.
Psychologists call such a transitional moment in relations a regulatory development crisis. As with any drastic change, it is accompanied by an increase in the overall level of anxiety, therefore the marital union becomes vulnerable. Partners do not know how to behave, they have new questions for each other, and conflicts are brewing for any reason.
However, this should not be sad, because it should be so. The family is a living organism.
For the history of its existence, it goes through several stages-crises, and the pregnancy period is only one of them.
Spouses who have learned to negotiate from the very beginning will be able, with the help of a compromise, to resolve conflicts related to the early birth of a baby. If the quarrels and before led to a dead end, most likely, the situation will not change, there is only a new topic for disputes. In this case, it will be difficult for partners to find a common language on their own, but a family psychologist will be able to help them.
He will tell more constructive ways of communication, because if the desire for constant conflict has become a bad habit for two, it must be eradicated and replaced with a healthy and useful one.
A quarrel creates mutual misunderstanding, but this does not mean that such a union is doomed. After all, flu or gastritis does not cause thoughts about death. Marital relations are in crisis just as our body is a physical illness.
And the ways to overcome are similar. Remember how we behave when someone from our loved ones is sick: in a moment we become indulgent, soft, and helpful. We give the patient maximum attention, trying to fulfill every whim of him, trying to feed and cheer up deliciously.
According to the same principle, in difficult times for a couple, one should relate not only to her husband, but also to herself. It is important to relax, allow yourself to be peaceful, sensitive, feminine, indulge yourself, allowing small and big joys. When harmony prevails in the soul, the marriage relationship will also be transformed.
However, it is better to know in advance about the most frequent reasons for family scenes: it will be easier to go around a sharp corner.
In many couples, serious passions play out in the sexual arena. Some men shy away from love joys with a pregnant wife, afraid to harm the baby. Even in spite of the fact that it is simply impossible to do this, because the pelvic floor muscles, uterus and fetal membranes reliably protect the child (only an obstetrician-gynecologist can prohibit sex, and only for good reasons, which he will definitely tell).
Most often, the stubbornness of a spouse is caused by a lack of understanding of how women’s nature works, especially if he skips courses for future parents. In this case, iron arguments with a link to the anatomy textbook can help.
Although some men have a similar phobia with an irrational nature, and even if they agree with their wives in theory, they still refuse to switch to practice. Well, it is possible to get this stubborn one off the ground. If the anatomical excursion did not take effect, it is important not to break the emotional contact and maintain close communication at the level that is now possible.
Touches, the merging of two views, the penetration of male words into women’s ears are all facets of sex life, which are also enjoyable. Who knows, perhaps such games will inflame the spouse’s fantasy and he will dare more.
To bring a happy moment closer, it is equally important to choose the right tactics of behavior immediately at the moment of refusal. Many women in such a situation make a mistake: they either get offended trying to manipulate their husband, or are angry, trying to insult him in every way.
Both reactions reflect childhood and adolescent positions. Such numbers annoy a man, because in his eyes you turn into a naughty child, who also demands sex from him.
It is much more sensible this evening to melt down your sexual inclination to another form of caress: to cook his favorite dish, to say tender words to him, to have a massage. And the next day is to evaluate the strength of its own attractiveness.
Some women with the onset of pregnancy cease to care for themselves, and this error needs to be corrected.
Spouses can move away from each other not only physically, but also emotionally. It is quite natural that a woman is completely absorbed by unusual sensations and thoughts, because a “maternal dominant” appears in her brain – a special zone that is responsible for maintaining pregnancy at physiological and psychological levels.
The problem is that both spouses perceive such internal preparation for the upcoming motherhood as a cooling and loss of interest in each other. The situation can be aggravated by the instinctive desire of a woman to spend as much time as possible during this period in a safe home atmosphere for the good of the baby.
If she does not want to be published, the man is able to perceive the refusal to his own account.
The same confusion arises because of the increased sensitivity of pregnant women to smells and tastes. For example, if it is the husband’s perfume that causes rejection and the wife is dismissed as he approaches, he interprets such a gesture as a personal dislike.
Similar thoughts arise if the spouse refuses to eat a dish prepared specially for her, because for some time her favorite broccoli has been put on the “black list”. Eliminating such omissions again will help the educational program, the joint reading of specialized books and magazines for young parents, but keeping relationships warm is more difficult. With the advent of new members of the family, the distance between the “old-timers” does indeed increase, and if you do not constantly throw up firewood, the fire will go out.
No wonder that psychologists advise you to be very serious about marriage relations (both during the family crisis and after it). Spend a simple experiment, looking at your diary. All working and everyday tasks are probably written there, but there is not a single line about joint actions with my husband – a trip to the country, going to a restaurant or morning sex.
But if the matrimony is treated as a residual, then it will be possible to get some remnants, which, alas, will turn out to be far from sweet. So the measures need to be taken urgently.
To begin with, it should be remembered that a woman is first and foremost the wife of her husband. It is this role that is paramount, because only thanks to her can you become a mother.
No matter how much a spouse is keen on a new role, from her cozy shell she needs to periodically show her husband at least her head. Enough 1-2 times a week to go together to the cinema, cafe or go on nature.
The main condition: joint leisure should be devoted to topics distracted from pregnancy and fun.
Domestic conflicts, as a rule, occur before pregnancy, and against its background they usually only get worse. In any case, the wife becomes less of a hassle at home, but there are more responsibilities associated with their own health, on which the baby’s well-being depends.
However, this castling suits not all women. Some hostesses are tormented by feelings of guilt and thoughts of their own inferiority, if they do not have time to complete all the planned tasks by the arrival of her husband.
But the burden is difficult to raise, so at least part of it should be shifted onto other shoulders. If highly skilled work, such as cooking, can be left in your diocese, then it is better to delegate the routine work that does not require special training either to a hired assistant or to relatives who are willing to assist.
It is inhumane to burden a husband with such trifles: firstly, he has his own purely male duties at home, and secondly, now he alone fills up the family budget.
If a compromise cannot be reached on a matter of principle, you can use simple, but powerful psychological techniques. When partners can not perceive each other verbally, it is worth trying to do it in writing, stating their arguments on paper. This technique will turn on a completely different area of the brain and bring a new level of understanding.
In addition, when we write, we focus as much as possible, select words, analyze our thoughts. And in the future, if the opportunity arises, it will be possible to shake significantly with a ratified pact in the air.
Work to be not a minute. Each of the spouses must find in his convictions several pluses and necessarily several minuses (there are pluses and minuses in each of our decisions, and this is the law), write them down and give them to the partner to read.
It is important to do this in order to understand for what specific reasons your opponent votes “for” or “against” this decision. At the end of the exercise, it is not necessary to choose from two opinions the only correct one, for it will not be possible to make peace for long.
We will have to look for a third point of view, and only it will be possible to call it a fair compromise. First, it is necessary to compare the results and emphasize the arguments that the partners have matched, and then write them out on a separate sheet. Such arbitration wisdom can be likened to strong dough, which is obtained from flour and water.
She also needs to be guided by stipulating under what circumstances his “yes” will indeed be, and under what circumstances her “no” will be.