First of all, it is necessary to recognize the fact that after the appearance of the firstborn in the family, the relations of the spouses do not always remain the same. Especially while the most difficult and eventful time lasts – the first year of a baby’s life.
The common human problems (first of all, we are talking about fatigue and feelings for the newborn) can add fear of resuming intimate relationships or pain during sexual contact. And sometimes young mothers complain that they no longer feel attracted to … their own husband!
To make it easier for you to understand what is happening in your family, try to analyze several situations in which partners find themselves most often after the birth of a baby.
How soon after childbirth, you can return to intimate life?
Fortunately, no timetable exists, although doctors usually do not advise resuming a relationship during the first month. Yes, and you are unlikely to have the desire to immediately embark on love adventures: firstly, the shock that you received during childbirth has not yet passed, and secondly, for complete happiness, you now have enough close contact with the baby. Take a moment, but be careful: if a man makes you an unambiguous sentence, take the time to explain to him that while you are not very ready for this.
Despite being tired and busy, try, as before, to treat him with all tenderness and love. Remember that your behavior can calm or, on the contrary, upset your partner: if you give your husband a little attention, he will understand that you still love him.
But if you don’t want to meet your chosen one even with your eyes and immerse yourself in your child, you will receive other, more disturbing and unpleasant information: “I have everything to be happy … without you.”
During sexual contact, I began to experience very different sensations … How to be?
Alas, it is inevitable: during pregnancy and childbirth, when the child passes through the birth canal, the vaginal walls stretch. That is why some women cease to feel a partner and do not have a particular desire to renew the marital relationship.
In this situation, you can advise a young mother to do the restoration of the muscle tone of the perineum. To do this several times a day, you will need to do special exercises. Firstly, it is necessary to learn how to stop the urine stream with muscular force at the time of the visit to the toilet “in a small way”, and secondly, to strain and relax the vaginal muscles several times a day.
Fortunately, over time they become elastic again.
I make love only for his sake … And this is strange.
You get up every night to feed the baby, you had to go to work, or are you just tired and annoyed – what’s surprising is that your desire is gone? If the absence of desire is a temporary phenomenon, try to discuss the situation with your husband and do not worry too much about what is happening.
If the situation does not change within a few months after the birth of the baby, you should ask this question and consult a psychotherapist or a sexologist for advice, read the special literature.
During the birth I was given an episiotomy (perineal incision). And now, because of the pain, I can’t even think about making love!
If you feel a little discomfort, do not worry: the tissues were damaged and, in order for them to heal, it takes time. But if the scar will cause pain and in 3-4 weeks after the birth of the child, it is better to contact a specialist.
Since we had children, by the evening I have no strength left for anything. Unlike my husband, I am more inclined to have sex in the morning. How do we come to an agreement?
Now both of you are involved in the maelstrom of life: home, work, family, children … It is not surprising that at one “wonderful” moment some misunderstanding may arise between you. However, if, instead of trying to figure out the relationship to the end, you limit yourself to just a statement of the fact that everything is not the same as before, you will not go anywhere.
What to do? Talk, talk and talk again.
Learn to meet each other, to seek compromises. Do not be afraid of the fact that your life is planned for several days ahead, and lovemaking takes place “on schedule”: contrary to the prevailing opinion, the absence of spontaneity does not kill desire, quite the contrary.
Try – and see for yourself: if you schedule a “meeting” on Sunday evening, worry about it in advance, put the children early, dress this day in some other way … Agree, there is something tempting in this!