Agree, there are many situations where we understand how to act, what to say, but do it in a completely different way. Our emotions, fatigue, habits make you make mistakes and regret them.
The theory, the knowledge gained in raising children often do not work in practice.
Parents, who sincerely believe that it is simply impossible to find a common language with their children, often come to the psychologist for an appointment, and offer the specialist to make sure of it on their own experience. However, the psychologist is always on the side of the baby. Often parents themselves suggest answers to their questions: “Well, just do not tell me that he behaves this way because we are divorcing.”
And children behave as we taught them, as shown, as they raised. They react to the situation in the family, to the changes that occur in life, etc.
Conflict with a child is not a quarrel where each participant tries to blame the other. Here you need to prove that you know how to find the right solution. For example, children make noise and indulge in public transport.
They need to be reassured. Habitual – scold, “build”, punish.
Most often, this reaction of parents and can be seen. It does not require thinking and ingenuity.
However, such actions, frankly, rarely help. What will parents do if they remember that they are dealing with children who are bored to go quietly and calmly and who are tired?
You can offer them a quiet game, distract with an interesting story-secret, or try to listen to different sounds around – who will hear more.
Consider each such case as a task in which it is impossible to change the conditions, but which must be solved. Can you solve the problem – get out of the house in time and not be late, if the condition says that it is impossible to insult a child, insult – all the more, but he is not in a hurry and pulls the cat by the tail?
And if the baby pulls the tail of a pet in the literal sense of the word and you catch him doing this not for the first time?
“To invent something new every time ?! Entertain and strain ?! No strength, tired! ”- many will say.
I want the children to fulfill our requirements without question, regardless of the form in which they were made.
But let me, if we cannot cope with our emotions, our feelings, our fatigue, then why do we demand this from children? And constantly!
The appearance of emotions is primarily associated with mental processes. We feel what we think.
Naturally, these thoughts, internal conversations – each has its own. We may not be aware of this, but it is.
We must learn to identify, and then change the thoughts that lead to the exit of a rage, irritation and incontinence.
For example, your baby can not learn to read, and the neighbor boy already swallows book after book. As soon as your baby makes another attempt to lay warehouses, you just shakes. Why?
Are you worried that he will never be able to learn this simple matter? Or do parental ambitions bother you with a baby?
Answer these questions and draw the appropriate conclusions.
However, everyone has the right to negative emotions, because there are reasons or grounds for their appearance. What is important is not their appearance, but what follows the feelings.
A person always has a choice: to start shouting, cursing or looking at a situation through the eyes of a child; take offense and be silent – or imagine what the baby feels.
Fear Often parents are afraid that the abnormal behavior of children will persist at a more mature age. If a one-year-old baby asks for pens, the mother worries that this will continue in two and three years. Worried about this, mom loses her temper and shouts at the baby.
As time passes, and remembering our current experiences, many of us will laugh, realizing that we were wasting our nerves for nothing.
Terrible child! Not far from the first, the second reason is leaving – we believe that our child is bad!
Of course, we will not agree with this statement, having heard it from other people. But it is such thoughts that make you feel anger and irritation.
The child scattered toys in the room and does not want to clean. Would you be angry if you did not think that he does not appreciate your work, that he is lazy and careless (he is bad)?
Perhaps you would be upset that a new cleaning is ahead, but you would hardly be angry.
It is important to learn to separate the actions of the baby from him. The crumb is not bad at all, his behavior is bad.
Do not judge the kid himself. Explain to him that doing so is wrong – this is education!
I spite! And again a similar reason: the child does this on purpose to cause pain, he does out of spite. Thinking like that is really very difficult to control your emotions.
However, there are always some mitigating circumstances of the child’s behavior, even if he deliberately acts badly. The kid stubbornly sticks to you with one question, despite your request to be silent, until you agree on the phone with the boss. Maybe the child does not have enough attention?
Maybe your answer is very important to him right now? He is not able to wait patiently yet?
Or maybe he believes that you do not spite him?
Their activities and enthusiasm Often children annoy their parents, distracting them from work or favorite activities. But imagine that when the crumb grows up a little (however, perhaps earlier, literally the next morning), when you call him to help you, and he will play, watch TV or do homework, he will answer you the same. Should I show my child a negative example?
After all, very soon it will be necessary to solve a new problem: he does not hear, does not react, snaps. Even if you are very busy, take a look at the child – he is the most expensive thing you have.
This is a matter of priorities.
Problems, stress, difficult life situations The same deeds of a baby can cause a smile on your face or anger – depending on the circumstances. My husband was promoted at work, he shares with you good news, and here comes a son, soiled with glue, and reports that he accidentally spilled it on the sofa, – one reaction.
The husband talks about the dismissal, you are considering how to live, and the same baby is a different reaction. Of course, only the realization of this can save the child from your anger.
However, it is important to find inner peace yourself. It can not always be everything in life as you imagine in your dreams.
Learn to enjoy what is, try to see the joyful, even in the most sad situations.
Out of habit Phrases like “Stop it!”, “Shut up!”, “How many times have I told you. “,” My head hurts from you! “And so on. They fly off from the tongue mechanically. Answers to unheard questions and requests pop up as if by themselves.
Give life to paint and, instead of habitually calling a kid who lost his drinking cup, be a little lost, tell a tiny tearful tale about a lost cup.