“In a year and a half, Hera turned into a nehochuha.” I offer him a banana, a favorite delicacy, – he runs away with a cry of “I do not want!” I try to wash – breaks out, stubbornly repeating “There is no-no!” Even the morning greeting responds with dissatisfied denial. (Galina, mother of Herman 1 y. 7 months)
At the age of 1,5−2 years, there is a jump in the physical and mental development of the child. The kid already understands the meaning of many words, learns to speak, to explain to others. One of the first words in the child’s vocabulary is “no,” which has a pronounced negative hue.
Children realize early that with the help of this short word, which carries a strong emotional charge, they are able to convey their opinions to adults. At about the same period in children (some later – about 3 years) there comes the so-called “age of systematic failure”, when the baby begins to reject to the place and out of place, refusing even to favorite dishes or the desired toys.
Sometimes it seems that the child no longer needs the approval of relatives, but, on the contrary, in every way tries to annoy the parents, does everything in defiance, provoking a conflict: the mother offers to read a book – a crumb cries out: “Walk!” as a child rushes with shouts of “Honor!” Parents often write off such manifestations as “spoiled character”, “bad heredity”, “bad upbringing”.
However, the fact is that in about 2–3 years children have volitional qualities, a desire for independence, independence, which the famous psychologist Eric Erikson called “autonomy”. Children no longer need excessive care from adults and want to make choices themselves.
Often, the child is not yet able to correctly express his desires and, more often than not, cannot even understand his feelings and experiences, and therefore, torn by contradictions, he begins to deny everything, to give up everything. However, it is precisely such “flimsy” behavior that speaks of the normal mental development of a baby.
The child still needs the recognition of adults, wants to earn praise, but at the same time seeks to stand out, to find their own “I”. Therefore, parents should not be angry with the baby, but should “expand the living space”, provide an opportunity to choose.
“The slightest difficulty or new situation makes Liza protest. She abruptly “closes” and shakes her head at all persuasions, monotonously saying: “No, I will not.”
Neither affection nor threats can affect the daughter. Such manifestations have been observed in Liza from an early age, and the situation worsens every year. ” (Marina, mother of Liza 3.5 g.)
Often children abandon their new occupation because of self-doubt. This happens when the crumb rarely hears the words of approval, praise, the baby lacks warmth and attention. Such a child will never take up the difficult task, and may completely abandon the manifestation of activity, not believing in success.
Even if the baby perfectly fulfills this or that task, he will consider himself “lucky”, “this is an accident” – in other words, he will be sure that the praise is not deserved. Over time, shy children become self-contained, they are not able to defend their opinions, doubt every decision made, are afraid of difficulties and troubles, do not know how to set goals and achieve them.
However, sometimes, on the contrary, insecurity is a result of hyper-care, when adults solve all problems without the participation of the child, protecting the child from any anxieties. As a result, the child is unable to take responsibility for their own actions and make serious decisions.
In a difficult situation, the child will prefer to pretend that the occupation is not interesting to him, he is passionate about others. However, the true reason is fear of failure.
The child was not accustomed to overcome obstacles, because behind his back there were always strong and skilled parents. Therefore, when a dilemma arises, the child folds, puts on a mask of indifference and refuses: this is better than “failing” the task and “disgracing” in front of everyone.
In such cases, parents need to reconsider their upbringing style, patterns of behavior in the family, give the child, on the one hand, more freedom, pushing them to make their own decisions and actions, and on the other, encourage self-reliance.
“Sasha is a flexible girl, but sometimes she is obstinate on trifles. For example, she does not want to cut her nails, although she never hurt her.
Haircut is the same story. And even combing a child is a whole problem: Sasha runs away with squeals with one type of comb. ” (Elena, Sasha’s mother 2 years 3 months.)
Children often dislike hygiene procedures. Shampooing turns into “sea battles”, and a haircut can take two hours.
The child is driven by internal unconscious fears: cut, choke. And it does not matter whether the baby had a similar negative experience or not, because such things, as they say, “sit on the subcortex” – the self-preservation instinct works.
Therefore, pressure from parents is not the best method. It is important to help the child overcome fears, and the easiest way to do this in a playful way. So, before cutting the nails, you can cut the claws of the teddy bear.
Or before going to the hairdresser to play with the baby in the “beauty salon” and trim the bangs to the dolls. And, of course, after a successful hygienic procedure, you need to praise the baby for courage, bravery, courage (even if the child resisted).
Gradually, the child will understand that there is nothing dangerous or painful in having to file your nails or make a haircut.
“All new my husband accepts“ in hostility ”. After thinking it over, he can heed the advice and reconsider the decision, but the first reaction is always a decisive “no!”.
Recently, I noticed that my son also began to refuse any offer. ” (Catherine, mother of Grisha, 3 years old).
Young children try to be like parents in everything, copying both positive and negative features. Therefore, adults should strictly follow the speech, their reactions, manifestations of emotions. Even bans that are categorical should be mitigated.
For example, instead of saying “No, it’s impossible!”, It’s better to say: “This is dangerous,” “hot,” “fall.” Thus, you will not only be able to protect your child from a thoughtless act, but also explain what disobedience threatens.
In the same cases, when a child “brushes aside” any side to the side, you can first “set the stage”: first hint carefully, put a thought into your head, then touch the burning one more time, and then, when the child gets used to the new idea, make sentence. So you can change the stereotype of relationships and teach your child to make informed decisions.
Compliant child – the dream of many parents. However, the ability to refuse is no less important than obedience. A kid who is able to defend his own position, who is able to say a firm “no”, in the future will be able to cope with the negative pressure of the environment, will be able to avoid a bad influence and will not succumb to seductive persuasion.
Therefore, no need to grab his head and worry when the crumb denies parents. The milder the adults will bypass the period of “systematic failure”, the less capricious and more responsible the baby will grow.