Of course, it’s worth preparing – at least so that the collision with reality would not be too painful. But you can’t just say: “You know, in a few years it will be much harder for you than it is now – bear this in mind.” It is clear that training requires practice — real difficulties and obstacles.
It turns out that with our own hands we must deprive the child of a happy cloudless childhood? Yes exactly.
But this should not confuse you.
First, the words “happy” and “cloudless” only seem to be synonymous. We, adults, from a height of past years and problems, used to consider them as such. And children have their own idea of happiness – they live in trifles, quickly forget problems, are easily distracted and can put up with almost any conditions.
If there is at least one close and loving person, then the joyful feeling of life, peculiar to the child, in fact, nothing can interfere.
Secondly, a happy childhood (again, in our view) does not guarantee a happy life in the future. Imagine a family in which love and complete understanding reign.
Mom and dad never said a rude word – neither to each other, nor to their child. What is a quarrel, scandals, irritability, resentment – no one in this family knows.
All are tactful and polite, they know how to create a warm atmosphere in the house and take care of each other tirelessly. In general, wonderful relationships and an ideal family.
But … it is in such families that children grow up who later cannot find happiness in their personal life. Often they don’t strive for this, preferring the usual and such warm relations with their parents. And if you still find it, then very soon there comes disappointment and now there is complete certainty that there can be no other such union like the parents.
Consequently, negative emotions and various kinds of obstacles are also necessary for normal development and a happy life. So, remembering the principle of “do no harm”, regularly conduct life-style life-training classes.
The real world enters the life of a child by itself – through the TV screen, everyday scenes on the street and adult conversations. And this world is so cruel and unsightly that we ourselves sometimes try to isolate ourselves from it. Just do not notice what is happening, just switch the channel, just distract the child from what he saw.
Of course, it would be strange to force a kid to watch scenes of wars, acts of terrorism and catastrophes. However, too much desire to hide from the children all the terrible turns against them. What feeling does a child have when adults, who talked about problems a minute ago, suddenly fall silent and are tensely waiting for him to leave the room?
Or when they grab the remote and immediately change the channel? Anxiety, with one of its most dangerous forms – the unconscious.
This feeling is difficult to describe in words – a person does not understand at all what concerns him. Everything seems to be good, but there is a feeling that everything can change, disappear. There is no sense of stability and peace.
Sometimes this state, outwardly not showing itself, is reflected in dreams. The child is afraid to fall asleep, often has terrible dreams, he cannot recover for a long time in the morning and after a day rest.
Anxiety lasts a long time, and sometimes persists in adult life.
Do not try to hide reality from the child. From about the age of 5 he may (and even, perhaps, should) be aware of all the problems of modern society.
There is no need to talk about this much, focusing on the dangers and details of various incidents. But to tell in accessible terms why this is happening, to explain what a person should do in such a case, we simply have to.
And, most importantly, to show your own attitude to this side of life, because the child first of all will learn our view of the world. “Yes, it happens, not only good deeds are performed in the world, and we need to know how to behave in this or that situation. But life does not become less beautiful from this – there is much more good in it. ”
With the greatest amount of stress we encounter in interpersonal relationships. Injustice, undeserved insults, inability to achieve the desired, conflict relations – all this happens from time to time in the life of every person.
For some, it’s just an episode, for others – a tragedy. But the installation on the events, our attitude towards them – all this is also from childhood.
It is then that we get experience that we transfer to adulthood. It is known, for example, that younger children, when they grow up, are more jealous, suffer much more enthusiastically, betrayal of a partner and even just a decrease in attention to themselves and themselves initiate separation in this case.
Those who were elders in the family, too, of course, are experiencing, however, they do not perceive everything as dramatically and fully capable of behaving rationally in such a difficult situation. After all, they had already experienced it. Everything was almost the same – beloved people are very carried away by someone else, and it was insulting and scary.
And then everything gradually improved – both in feelings and in everyday relationships. Younger children were spared from such stress, no one brought them to the house of a new child and did not convince them that “we love you the same way”.
And for the first time, they can experience true jealousy as a teenager (towards friends) or even an adult (towards a partner) age. And it is much harder.
Try to make sure that the stresses in your child’s life are met regularly. Sometimes allow yourself injustice.
We saw that the children were fighting – and without understanding who was right and who was wrong, they punished everyone equally – and the one who started the fight and the one who was defending. Slipped on the floor wet from soap bubbles – and sent into a corner, despite the fact that it was a surprise for you.
They scolded me for being naughty at dinner, forced me to remove the toys scattered by my friend, and they were irritated when they were late for their kindergarten through their own fault.
All of this is non-pedagogical and unfair of you, but it is useful from time to time. Just because in adulthood (as a matter of fact, as soon as the child leaves the walls of the kindergarten) he will most likely face such situations.
And also because it is in childhood that a child must learn techniques that allow them to survive their hurt feelings.
Wrapping a blanket and picking a toy, for example, with dreams of a good fairy defender (read: focusing on a monotonous action or looking at details) helps a lot to get distracted and reduce stress levels.
And parents can do the so-called emotional vaccinations. Tell your child that in kindergarten you didn’t have anything to do with friends either.
Or that you too offended at mom. “Everyone gets in trouble,” “It’s okay,” and other encouraging phrases will be very useful here.
Very important in adulthood quality. Independent people are responsible, purposeful, easily get used to changes in the situation and, of course, more successful.
Perhaps all parents would like to see their children like that. The problem is that in childhood all these wonderful qualities do not look so attractive. They are even called differently: stubbornness, willfulness and disobedience.
They begin to manifest early, but the first crisis moment for the development of independence is 3 years. The child comes up with the demands of the most diverse rights and freedoms, sometimes he simply comes out so that they do not forget who the main character is. Parents notice that the child has a very improved memory: if he has conceived something, he will be reminded of this in a variety of forms until he succeeds.
Or – to the general scandal, with shouts, abuse, quarrels between all members of the family. Exhausted by this confrontation, parents often do not stand up, and after long explanations, exhortations, requests and even tricks, they say: “Yes.
Do what you want, just silently. ” And then they think that the educational system has failed – with such connivance.
Actually it is a victory. And not only for the child, for you too. This is how independence, perseverance and willpower develop.
It is in such a “struggle” that the child sharpens his ability to distinguish the emotional components in speech – in just a few scandals he will know when to take the parental demand from the first time, and when he can continue to insist on his own. In addition, gradually he will learn to better understand his desires and goals, to choose among them the priorities.
Another independence, oddly enough, is brought up through a sense of inferiority. Understanding that someone is superior to you in skills – envy – the desire to learn – the support of adults – the awareness of their viability. Prerequisites for the emergence of feelings of envy arise completely naturally – the child can always see that someone draws better, runs, reads and is simply taller than he is, but it depends on the parents that the child will extract from this envy.
Too frequent undeserved praise and unjustified delight – and the child can turn into a proud man who believes that he has no equal at all. He is unlikely to become independent and active – he’s already so sure of his exclusivity. Too frequent dissatisfaction and criticism – and the desire for action disappears. “Yes, it is difficult, but you can!”, “You will succeed”, “Everyone has failures, you can still succeed!” – say this more often.
As you grow, charge children with more and more complex and responsible matters. Nestrashno, if the first time, not everything works correctly – your approval will help maintain the desire for success.
But if your proposal causes fear (for example, the child does not agree to stay at home alone even for half an hour), it is worth to wait.
There are, however, people in the world who assert that the best way to teach swimming is to throw a child into the water at depth, but most adults (especially those who have once experienced this dive) tend to be more gentle and painless. And it concerns not only water.
Parental love gives strength for life, gives confidence in their success and meaningfulness of life.
Whatever happens in our lives, we must know two things: that in all this there is some meaning and that there are people to whom we are dear to anything. Only then can we feel confident and calm. Such confidence cannot appear by itself, it is inspired in early childhood – through the love of parents.
And feelings are manifested not only (and not so much) in words, deeds. They may be elusive, but if they are, they will certainly be assimilated.
Parents who love their child are always on his side – even when scolding or punishing. Children feel it, so they treat everything adequately. Later, they are better adapted at school, easier to cope with failures.
They know that no matter what happens, there is always someone who is on their side to support and help. This is the main thing that we can teach.