Small children every day meet with a variety of difficulties: these are the first steps, mastering the pot and trying to write or read something yourself. Studies show that even at such a tender age, perseverance and the habit of not retreating largely determine how whole and small a successful person will be when he grows up. How to be, if your child is clearly not one of those who are by any means important to achieve a result?
And no matter how you persuade him to dress himself or write his name, you will most likely get an answer: “Nah, I can’t!” As a result, all peace negotiations end with his tears and your breakdown. Familiar picture of many, is not it?
And although children have different temperaments and this is important to take into account, nevertheless our experts are sure: you can help any child first of all to believe in themselves and their strength.
It turns out that our sincere desire to motivate a child, suggesting to him that he does everything perfectly, can sometimes play against him. And a generous stream of parental compliments: “What an excellent picture!”, “You write the letters perfectly”, “Here’s the clever thing that you put on”, when we often also deceitful, giving the desired for the real, as a result forms a false motivation. The child begins to expect praise for any actions.
And he refuses to do the job if he is deprived of pleasant words and associated emotions. As soon as an occupation arises, which requires additional efforts, the child, without receiving immediate confirmation of his success, easily retreats.
After all, it is easier to do only what is already well known, so that, as before, cut out the paper “the most accurate flowers” or “it is best to collect the designer” and get praise.
“If a child does something well, instead of the usual:“ You are so well done! ”- it’s better to say:“ Look, you did a great job, and so everything worked out, ”said Carol Dweg, a psychology professor at Stanford University. “It is necessary for the child to understand: an excellent result is connected with the fact that he made some efforts.”
Of course, it is important for children to feel that their parents appreciate and support them. But we, in turn, need to adapt them to a reality that is full of difficulties.
“If you encourage only those classes that are given to the child easily, without insisting on more complex tasks, this will disorient him,” Dr. Dweg believes. – He will start to believe that everything in life should be extremely easy and effortless. If a child does not stick something, encourage him with the words: “You will certainly succeed, you just need to try again.”
Do not leave him alone – help him cope with a difficult task. Even if the baby doesn’t immediately succeed, it’s important for him to know that you still believe in his success. ”
Teaching a child something new, break tasks into its component parts. This will help him learn in the future to make a work plan himself.
Concentration on small tasks, which look quite capable, in turn, relieves anxiety and tension, which is why the main goal will not seem to him so impossible and frightening. If the kid first collects the puzzle, show him that you can, for example, first select the corner details, then sort them by color.
This strategy is perfectly applicable to almost all the knowledge and skills you want to teach a child.
“My daughter quickly loses interest if she does not get everything at once,” says Marina, the four-year-old mother of Ani. – But I began to divide all tasks into small fragments and fix them in the game. I no longer tell her: “Let’s count up to forty,” but I suggest jumping on one leg five or six times, then counting how many times I jump. Then add up these numbers and collect the same number of branches, and then find the same number of stones and count everything again.
My daughter believed in herself and is engaged with pleasure. ”
Fear of failure often inhibits children and prevents them from trying something new. It is very important to explain to them that mistakes are a natural process of learning, and our life consists not only of success, but also of defeat.
Yes, it can be unpleasant and painful because of vanity, but it is important not to despair and always look ahead. Then come to the aid characters favorite books and cartoons.
Re-read the “Snow Queen” to the child: Gerda got into difficult and dangerous situations, but was not afraid of the difficulties on her way and eventually saved Kai. “The Adventures of Buratino” are built on the frequent misses of the main character, who goes through many trials, but becomes brave and resourceful and achieves his own. Pay attention of children to this line of their favorite subjects.
You can also play competitive games more often, in which it is impossible to constantly be just a winner.
“With the whole family, we play all kinds of games: lotto, hockey, a ball, making up words – the main thing is that there should always be a winner and a loser,” said Alice, the mother of seven-year-old Igor and five-year-old Inna. – Previously, the son was very upset if the other child avoided him in success and refused to continue his studies. On the advice of a school psychologist, I specifically introduced the games, where you have to compete, into the routine of every day.
And gradually, Igor became more comfortable with the fact that wins and losses are changeable categories. ”
Most preschool children are passionate about their favorite characters: pirates, dinosaurs, princesses. And endless requests to read a book about them, to watch a cartoon, to buy in the form of toys or prints on pajamas – parents are gradually inclined to discourage the child from this meaningless, as they see it, hobby.
Not worth it! – sure child psychologists. Thanks to his favorites, the baby will be more willing to learn all the knowledge you want to teach him.
The desire to read something new about a character can persuade a child to quickly learn to read on their own.
“This is a reason for us, the parents, not to get angry, but to turn on the fantasy ourselves,” says American psychologist and writer John Taylor. “A beloved hero can be placed in a wide variety of circumstances, having composed his story about it, thanks to which the child will listen with great interest and will well remember something from the field of history or geography.”
If perseverance and patience become part of the nature of your baby, then these qualities will be manifested in all his activities and hobbies. “Gradually, the child will realize that it’s impossible to be first in everything,” says John Taylor. – Playing tennis can be easier for him than solving math examples, and this is natural. But the habit of rising above oneself and making the maximum possible efforts will teach him to always strive for the best result.
It is important to cultivate the experience of success and remind of it in a difficult moment. ”
This tactic has been applied in practice by Marina. “When I brought my son to the pool, he didn’t like to do all the coach’s tasks,” she says. “But I convinced him to be persistent, because in the summer we will fly to the sea, and he will be able to swim and dive on his own.” This prospect led him not to quit training.
Now Misha is a great swimmer. ”
Be honest with your children – it is important for them to see that you also have difficulties to deal with. “Getting into difficult situations for ourselves, we instinctively want to protect children. However, our own parental example of how we cope with troubles is extremely important to them, – considers the child psychologist Olga Simakova. – Of course, you should not devote children to details, which can be perceived as a threat to the security of their own world – because the child identifies his well-being with the stability of adults.
It is only important to show that difficulties are an integral part of life and you know how to cope with them. ”
“When I had trouble at work,” says Vera, “I decided to honestly admit to the child that I have a hard time. But I also said that I will not put up with it and will try to find a new job as soon as possible where I will be interested.
When I found her, my son and I celebrated it in a cafe. ” “It’s very good that the boy saw the example of his mother: if the situation is not satisfactory, it is important to change the state of things,” Olga Simakova comments on this situation. “After all, children look at us and rely on the experience that they receive in their family from the closest people.” That is why our own example will always be more convincing and more important for a child than unfounded calls to be purposeful and persistent. “