In a broad sense, by responsibility we mean the readiness to be responsible for something: for relationships, for order in the hallway, for a pet, for our actions, words and promises. In general, this is an ability that is associated with the desire of a person to control his piece of the universe, which, for children, seems to be tempting.
Responsibility is the flip side of freedom: you are the master, you control the situation, which means that you can also handle the consequences.
The traditional “upbringing”, which did not take into account all sorts of psychological subtleties, was that the child was called to account, explaining to him how essentially irresponsible, careless and frivolous a person was: Ugh! ”Not surprisingly, many shy away from any responsibility, because this word has long become synonymous with the headwash: aha, they are talking about responsibility, now they will be scolded.
Instead of a sense of responsibility, which for some reason must wake up after a domestic scandal, other emotions arise: feelings of guilt, anxiety, and discontent with oneself. Historically, people used wine as a whip, which should raise to the standard, on which all sorts of virtues shine.
The implication was that if a child was scolded, he would immediately repent and want to improve.
This is a dead end road for the formation of responsibility. In the 21st century, we can safely say that children are not small adults, that self-blame does not benefit them, that they grow up to responsibility with the development of their emotional-volitional sphere in favorable conditions, which means that they need to be brought up with small and very specific in steps.
Life skills training
The fact that the formation of responsibility is not connected with magic tricks in the head of a child, but with the accustoming to the most ordinary everyday habits, say many experts, for example, psychotherapist Karen Raskin, author of the book “The 9 Key Techniques for Raising Respectful Children” “9 key methods of educating polite children who make responsible decisions” – ed.):
- Highlight small areas in which the baby can act independently, constantly improving their skills.
- Do not load it with a huge to-do list, things should be clear and logical. Even a two-year-old can wash his hands before eating, wipe away spilled milk with a paper napkin, collect cones that have fallen out of the pockets of his jacket and try to peel off his plasticine from his father’s wallet.
- From time to time, let your child help you in everyday life, let it smell like general cleaning and food transfer, it’s worth it.
Responsibility is unthinkable without informed choice, so it makes sense to give the child space for a personal decision from a young finger. He can choose a book for reading, a game or a garden outfit: trousers under a skirt, a hat in the form of a yawning elk, a superman’s raincoat – so what? Once a teacher somehow survive it.
By the way, when to go to the pot, and whether to finish this delicious grandmother’s soup, is also the area of responsibility of the child, do not press. Let him deal with the signals of his own body. A preschooler is growing and options are growing: he can decide what to place in his room, how to put his clothes in the closet, whether to attend a public event with a round dance.
Perhaps, for school, the child will appreciate how interesting it is to make independent decisions and will collect the briefcase without help from others, filling it with only the most necessary things – textbooks, pebbles, slingshots.
In psychology, it is believed that responsibility is tied to self-esteem. It works like this: a person has a sense of competence and control, a certain confidence that he can cope with the problems that have arisen, and then he happily takes on important business.
When he sees that things are going well, and the goldfish has not been in trouble for a week and does not pop up on its belly, the child feels proud of his achievements, raises self-esteem even more and is ready to take on a new task – try to sew a button on the doll pants.
This does not mean that the whole family should smack their tongues around the clock and admire the child: “What a handsome fellow!” We can support children’s undertakings in a more efficient way: provide your own positive attitude and clear feedback: “Semyon! Thank!
You really helped me load the washing machine. Unfortunately, the paint tube was superfluous in the drum. Let’s try to boot the car again. ”
Speak about the consequences of children’s affairs, but do not hit on self-esteem, it is terribly important here.
In addition to educational, there is another meaning in inviting children to joint business. For example, screwing together with the dad nuts from the rack, the child feels that he is valued, feels pride and community with the labor reserves of the family.
American researchers from Wellesley College in Massachusetts conducted a study analyzing articles and letters from readers in parenting magazines from the 1920s to 2006, and found out without surprise that in the last century children’s household responsibilities gradually disappeared and were replaced by a couple of trivial concerns: take the plate to the sink after dinner and go and learn the lessons. Meanwhile, it is the household chores that help children develop empathy, contribute to the well-being of their loved ones and develop responsibility, says one of the authors of the work of assistant professor Markella Rutherford. Do not be afraid to entrust your child with making a sandwich or washing a cup, sometimes it will be more useful than developmental classes in trigonometry.
Reproaching a child with irresponsibility, we give out a self-fulfilling prophecy. Children really believe parental labels and try to match.
If the guy constantly loses his mittens, forgets on the machine, does not remember where the plastic gun is going, instead of coming up with rhymes for “confused”, help him. Invent the secret methods of superagents that inspect the sandbox, leaving it, bend their fingers, trying to count mittens or equip their cars with ropes that can be tied with shoes.
If the child is able to read, practice in drawing up lists, schedules and numbered items “that I check before going outside.” In general, instead of a portion of conviction, program problem solving.
It is easier for people accustomed to army procedures to give out orders: “Stand, equate, fill the bed!” But loving parents, who, despite the morning rush, are interested in the child, which hygiene procedures he forgot to perform, will benefit in the long run . It’s not they who send a little man to brush his teeth, but he himself remembered, he went himself and cleaned himself … And he also washed the mirror on his joys.
Households, autonomy and areas of responsibility are good, but they must be appropriate for the age and abilities of the child. If you load children with impossible tasks, there is a risk to cause a feeling of insolvency, or even panic.
Cinderella once ordered to sort the bags of grain overnight, but this problem may look like nothing compared to the offer to load a dishwasher, which is twice as big as your assistant. Look at the child, at what he easily copes with, at the fact that he still does not succeed, and draw conclusions.