The mood of adults is easy for us to understand. His reasons are for the most part obvious. Problems at work, personal turmoil, feeling unwell – we ourselves faced more than once with all this and can easily, as they say, get into the situation, say “yes, imagine what it feels like to you”.
In addition, the person himself expresses complaints, asks to discuss the reasons or simply to talk. Children do not have the skills of reflection, they cannot recognize their own feelings and their causes.
They can only whimper, moan, cry, throw toys, spit out food, cling to mom, ask for pens. And then – the same thing again … That is why their bad mood does not cause any sympathy.
We tend to call it “just whims” and nip it by any suitable and affordable method. In fact, what a mood disorder can be when the whole life consists of feeding, playing and walking? Are there any reasons for depression or irritation in a one-year-old (two-, three-year-old) baby?
There is. And by the way, they are almost the same as ours.
At the age of one, the child’s bad mood is the hardest to identify. After all, it is expressed only in one way – crying. That is exactly the way hunger, pain, fatigue, inconvenience associated with wet diapers or barbed clothes are expressed.
But no. In fact, crying in the case of a bad mood will differ from crying of other species. It is quieter, lower in pitch, monotonous and mournful.
If, despite the fact that the child is completely healthy, you hear such a cry, do not hesitate: the baby is out of sorts. Who dared to spoil the mood of such a crumb?
Most likely, it was you – although, of course, they did not do it on purpose or even unconsciously. Young children are very sensitive to the mood of the mother, they adopt absolutely all her sorrows and joys.
There is an opinion that even the composition of breast milk varies depending on the mood, and therefore the baby literally feeds on your emotions.
One way or another, it must be admitted: happy, satisfied with everything that happens and with oneself, mothers and children are calm, balanced and cheerful. If the mother is too tired to rejoice, and is constantly experiencing tension, anxiety, then you can not expect much fun from the child. Such children often cry for no apparent reason, calming only in their arms.
This spoils the mood of the mother even more, it conveys more negative emotions to the baby – in general, a vicious circle is obtained. By the way, mothers themselves usually characterize their situation: “A vicious circle. I never thought that after the birth of a child everything would be so bad.
I am at home all the time, waiting for my husband to come back to help me, but he says that he is tired and that he cannot relax at home, because there is a mess everywhere. Of course, we quarrel, and the mood of this spoils even more.
How can I have fun communicating with a child if I want to cry all the time? All the more well I know that tomorrow will be the same. I’m getting too tired, then I’ll call my husband, we’ll blame each other, I’ll put the baby in tears … ”
Crying, feeling of loss, inability to rejoice at what used to be enjoyable, such symptoms are observed in 80% of women after childbirth (their probability increases with age and number of births) and, of course, also affect the communication with the baby and even his character Children who survived their mother’s mood disorder in infancy and in adulthood are anxious, prone to pessimism, more difficult to endure life difficulties.
Therefore, you need to improve your mood as soon as possible – both for yourself and for your child.
First, add a positive life to it. It is not so difficult if you remember that life consists of trifles. After all, even walking, you can go to those places where you like, communicate with those mothers who are cheerful and charge you with optimism.
Secondly, arrange psychotherapeutic conversations. No, for this you do not need to go anywhere and make an appointment with a specialist. As a psychotherapist will be your own baby. You will tell him all about the mood, thoughts about why it is.
You can complain about inattentive others (watch only expressions), you can share plans. Babies know how to listen very well and are surprisingly intelligent. They, too, get better when they find out that there is no blame for them in your mood, which just happened.
And mom is getting better – the spoken problem, as you know, is significantly reduced.
By the way, this is not a new method at all. In many cultures, young children, mother sang lullabies made up by her for the day (in cultures that have preserved the traditional system, this is the way it is now) about everything that happened, about what is bothering you.
It was believed that children thus feel part of the family and grow calmer.
The child grows, and his knowledge of the world, his needs, his social circle is constantly increasing. On the one hand, his opportunities are great enough – he knows how to walk, speak and feel completely independent, on the other, he is still under constant control and often cannot fulfill his desires. In general, the most important reason for a bad mood is misunderstanding.
Another reason is the loss of something important. And important for a child is not at all the same as for an adult.
A two-year-old child can quite easily endure the divorce of parents, leaving the father’s family, but it will be hard to survive the loss of a favorite toy. The death of a grandmother will not be perceived as dramatically as, for example, the daily care of her mother for work. This feature of the psyche allows children to defend themselves from very difficult experiences, to forget the trauma of early childhood.
Some simple and acceptable explanation of the situation gives the child the opportunity to correct his view of the world. If a person who cares and loves remains nearby, then everything is in order.
But about the little things (the fact that for us is a trifle), the child may cry for a long time and inconsolably. So long that he exhausted himself and then falls asleep.
Bringing children to this state is not worth it, but it makes no sense to be scared and to fence too. Crying is their way of reacting emotions, spilling out all the negative.
As a rule, after such a storm of tears, the awakened child feels much better and is ready to play in a good mood (although at this point parents are already exhausted). In addition, it is at this age that the child learns different ways of interacting with adults and peers.
If he realizes that his crying affects people frighteningly, he will use this weapon consciously. “Nastya is not crying. She whines, and it is much worse.
There is not a single person who would remain indifferent to these depressive, drawn-out sounds. When she whines in the store, even strangers are ready to buy her everything she wants.
At first she did not do it on purpose, but now she is simply openly manipulating. There is only one way to deal with this – to leave and not to listen.
Then she will gradually calm down. “
The bad mood of a child of this age is expressed not only by crying. He can lie on the bed, not responding to offers to play, can look blankly out the window, and if a bad mood is combined with aggression, he should kick and throw toys around. In any case, you need help.
He himself can not cope with his mood yet. Show maximum participation, patience and warmth, even if, as they say, he himself is to blame.
At the same time, this should not mean that you have to make concessions – for example, to refuse to go on a visit, since the child is so bad without you. After all, he is now getting used to the fact that not everything in life and not always will be the way he wants. And the fact that this is not a reason to become disheartened.
So give him such a lesson. Without changing your plans and not discussing the cause of his negative state anymore, hug and just sit next to you.
And more often play with children in romps, squeeze them and slacken. And stroking on the back – in general one of the best methods of preventing stress.
At the age of two and a half – three years the child develops self-awareness. He speaks about himself “I”, becomes more shy, shy (realizes that other people can look at him, discuss and so on).
In addition, the need for communication with peers is becoming more and more pronounced, and in this area there are also reasons for experiences. In general, the older the child, the more likely it is that the cause of a bad mood is outside the family (although relationships with parents are still the most significant).
At the same time, secretiveness may appear in the behavior: the child is no longer inclined to tell his parents everything. Sometimes he just does not know whether it is possible to tell what happened.
For example, if a child is attacked by an adult – a friend or a stranger, he may not tell about it. After all, an adult is an authority; if he shouts, it means “I deserve”. So, it is not so easy to find out what the cause of depression, bad mood is.
Teach your child frankness, that he can tell absolutely everything to his relatives. Always support the child in case of trouble, even if the situation is controversial.
Yes, you can discuss it, make out who is right, who is to blame, but – later, later. When a child is depressed, depressed, he needs first of all support.
By the way, this rule applies not only to children. We all need such a biased attitude, to be loved no matter what.
This is the basis of happiness in the family.
If the child still does not tell, do not interrogate. Moreover, the emotions at this age are already complex, almost the same as in adults – the child may not really understand until the end why he is sad.
Talk on abstract topics or on the topic of mood, but without searching for reasons. “And when did you feel sad?”, “But how sad are you – just sad or even you don’t want ice cream?”, “What needs to be done not to be sad?” – the child can answer such questions. And, accordingly, together with you can find a way to improve mood. In addition, so-called emotional vaccinations help very well.
From time to time you tell some story from your childhood (mother scolded, punished in kindergarten, quarreled with girlfriend). The story should be detailed in the part where it is about emotions (as you experienced) and have a good ending.
This will provide a positive outlook on life.