Every child from a certain age begins to dream of his room, a piece of personal space where he can be a master. For a child, this is important; securing himself, he can feel free from parental control, fully immersed in his thoughts and games. And we, adults, are sympathetic to the child’s need for territorial independence, idealizing comfort and individuality.
And, of course, a child born on such a soil finds it difficult to reconcile with the fact that it is necessary to share the living space with a younger child.
Older children in general are far from always satisfied with the expansion of the family: after all, from now on, mom and dad will not belong to them completely. And if they are also offered to make room, it usually leads to mutual discontent, misunderstanding and resentment.
For parents, this is not an easy situation: on the one hand, the feeling of guilt in front of the elder for “oppression”, on the other, waiting and even demanding understanding and fraternal feelings. The youngest child is much easier when he was born, he already had a brother or sister, and it is easier for him to accept this situation as the only possible reality. It is difficult to say that living in one room has advantages over owning one’s own, that it helps bring people closer to each other and establish better relations.
To some extent, all this is true. But above all for children, this is a special experience that allows them to face their own egocentrism, jealousy, aggression.
This is a painful encounter, but if you are near and help the children to realize these feelings and come to terms with the existence of each other, they can really establish more tender and trusting relationships.
And, of course, the eldest child should not share the responsibility associated with the appearance of the small, this is the business of the parents and only the parents. The birth of a brother or sister to a large extent changes the life of an elder, so you need to be very sensitive to the question of whether he will have to live in the same room as the younger one. With the advent of the new child, the first-born children are particularly keen on the sense of abandonment, because they are used to being in the center of attention of parents and not sharing their love with anyone.
Therefore, it is better to warn the elder in advance that he will have to make room. For any child, the appearance of another baby in the family is a serious test. Let him express his feelings, whatever they may be.
Do not accuse him of excessive selfishness and inability to sacrifice your interests. The smaller the child will be criticized, the more care it will be surrounded, the easier it will be for him to communicate with an open heart with his younger brother or sister.
In a common nursery, it is very important to establish territorial boundaries, taking into account the interests and age characteristics of each child. Well, if there is an opportunity to clearly distinguish between the room, if there are difficulties, then think over the system of agreements and mutual obligations in order to minimize conflicts. If the eldest child is in school, the study area should be clearly separated from the play area.
The younger one should have his own table where he can draw, sculpt, glue. The writing desk of a senior is not worth using.
It also makes sense to divide the playing area; everyone should have their own box for toys. Give the children the right to decide for themselves whether to play together or separately, to share their toys with each other.
If you help them to establish clear rules regarding the territory and the relationship to property, they will be able to feel protected. In addition, it will simplify the resolution of conflicts. Think about what each of the children needs in order to equip their own corner.
This corner does not have to be big, but it is necessary for every child so that he can be alone, blow himself, dream. Tent, where you can climb, if you need privacy.
Canopy over the bed, closing which, you find yourself in a cozy “house”. A locker where the younger one is forbidden to look in, a different color of the walls to demarcate the territory. Show respect for the needs of each of the children to have personal items: their own shelves, their drawers and their toys!
You can buy a senior lockable chest. If children of different sexes live in the same room, it is especially important to think over some details, for example, to get a beautiful screen.
The particular difficulty lies in the different rhythms of life. The older one gets up to school, and the younger one is still asleep, everything must be done on tiptoe, which is quite tiresome when you get awake. And after school?
Again, you need to observe silence, so as not to disturb daytime sleep. It is difficult to live in one room with a baby who is “sleeping” all the time. What to do?
Until the year of the baby can be taught to sleep in different rooms day and night. You can purchase a crib on wheels, which will be convenient to move around the apartment, and put it in the afternoon in the parent’s bedroom. Then your eldest child will be able to play in “his” room for a while!
In addition, the older one should have a bedside table and a desk lamp so that he can read or play in the evening without disturbing the baby’s sleep. You shouldn’t worry about crumbs: younger children often sleep better, reassured by the presence of an older brother or sister.
Yes, and the older child is easier to move from wakefulness to sleep, if the next small snuffles comfortably snuffles.
Younger almost always with enthusiasm and adoration look at the ideas of older ones, so when they grow up they will surely become “accomplices”! Sometimes it comes to you, for example, when they plot against you and stick a sign “No trespassing!” On the door with scotch tape.
And now they start fooling around and bursting into laughter. and start fights and quarrels. These bright moments they will remember all my life. They may want to move the beds, to tell each other different horror stories at night, to share secrets.
Go to meet them. If in a month they change their mind, push them apart again! Do not allow one child to beat another.
Of course, fussing and fighting is a normal part of the relationship between children, unless it is a question that one child intimidates and suppresses another. You should not always recognize the rightness of the younger one, it will give him an opportunity for manipulation, and the older one will have more reasons for insults and discontent.
When the voltage begins to increase, divert their attention, take the elder, for example, to the kitchen, let him stay next to you while you are cooking dinner.
Children grow up, relationships between them change, and the requirements for personal space can also change. Offer them something to change in the room according to their current interests and needs.
It does not matter if the nursery over the years less and less corresponds to your original plan. While children are small, they feel good in a room designed according to your ideas. But, as they mature, its appearance less and less corresponds to the original idea: the walls are full of posters, the shelves are lined with toys, souvenirs, some knickknacks.
The room seemed to have become smaller, filled with all these “necessary” things. Changes in the nursery reflect the maturing of your children, their numerous hobbies, how different they are.
But most importantly, the children feel comfortable and cozy in their room.