Four hand game

Four hand game

If married women gather at some bachelorette party, be sure that pretty soon they will start discussing this burning topic. One will say that “the husband does almost nothing,” the other says that the husband helps with the principle of “obliquely crooked, if only he is alive”, but the third one boasts that her husband did learn to hang his shirts on a hanger!

Men really do not take part in running the house. This is a fact confirmed by statistics: women still take up 80% of domestic work.

And this inequality, scientists say, increases with the birth of each new child. Well, men are lazy, but honest: at least, answering the questions of researchers, they did not exaggerate their merits …

Nevertheless, whatever we do and whatever men may say, the cart loaded with mops, brooms and rags is still there. And with the advent of the baby, this refill is filled with still wet diapers, gnawed with dryers – you cannot list everything.

We, chained to the house and the child, are surrounded by everyday life for a day, and the husband … The husband works, he has no time – much to our regret, because another study claims that the more honest the housework is divided, the more spouses have sex!

And that, for this conclusion, one does not even have to be a scientist: first, the woman gets less tired elementary, and secondly, the feeling of gratitude for a sensitive and caring husband overwhelms her – and spills out in the bedroom. It means that it’s time to shift the part of homework to men – for our personal benefit and for the good of the family.

Four hand game

Keeping calm, open your eyes to the husband.

Remember, at the beginning of your romantic story, you hardly quarreled because of scattered socks. No, you carefully tried to combine your everyday habits and – without realizing it – already then you outlined the roles of everyone in running the household.

A man – he does this and this – a little bit, and you – this, and this, and this – much more. That’s how it all started and worked fine, until you noticed that the bad mood is visiting you more and more often. It turns out that psychologists have long presumed that, by and large, this imbalance cannot be allowed to take root.

Too many couples then, cursing because of unwashed dishes, complain: why did it happen like this? And who allowed from the very beginning to make it so?

How to get down to business?

You should not wait when your bowl of patience overflows and you will discuss everyday problems only with individual hysterical cries. No, psychologists suggest that you need to allocate a convenient time to discuss everything.

It is ideal to catch a lazy husband at a time when he is calm and relaxed, and try not to immediately explode at the sight of his indifference or carelessness. Start from afar, ask about childhood – how did his parents manage the household?

If mother obediently dragged the whole house on herself, it is unlikely that the son would think to rush to help you.

To open the debate in a peaceful manner and defuse the situation, praise the husband for what he does best, and laugh at what he forgets or does not notice. Just do not broadcast like at a lecture, let’s give the partner the word: let him say that he does not like the organization of your life and how this can be corrected.

Listen to him to the end, do not interrupt! Your business is to convey to your husband (still trying not to start!) That you initially took upon yourself a great deal, which he may not realize, and that you are US-TA-LI. The argument that should help you in disputes and persuasion: the more your husband helps, the more free time you can spend together – the way you want.

Worth a try, darling, isn’t it?

Four hand game

We agree on who does what – and regularly review the list.

If, as a result of previous actions, the husband is prepared for the dialogue, it remains to clearly distribute duties. Not the way we often do: “Dear, can you not wash the dishes?

I have already managed to hang out the laundry, clean the beds, bathe the little ones … “And not like this:” Can you at least throw out the garbage before I ask you?! “We are trying not to be nervous!

How to get down to business?

Set the date to sort everything out. It is better to choose a time when peace and harmony reign in the family and you will find yourself alone with your husband. Each of you takes a piece of paper, which must be divided into 3 columns: household chores that you do with pleasure (yes, there are such!); things that don’t annoy you; and in the third, duties, the mere mention of which causes disgust.

After that, concentrate on the most unpleasant points – that is, on those matters that both of you are trying to avoid.

The main idea is to achieve real agreement, not a compromise, torn from each other’s teeth, which does not satisfy anyone. But this is not the end! You must meet again in 3 months – to review or clarify arrangements.

Plus, this contract must be rethought at every significant change in the family – the birth of a child, a change of job, or just a vacation, which each of you has the right to enjoy.

We admire the technical genius of men.

If a catfish is caught on a mormyshka (or what is it caught there?), Then a man is easy to catch on a gadget. You are more likely to involve your husband in the general cleaning, if you give him the opportunity to clean with the help of high-tech, highly programmable appliances. Even the experienced housewives, accustomed to everything, feel happier, armed with new bright rags-buckets, what can we say about the men who are always drawn to the new …

How to get down to business?

You can instruct her husband to purchase ultra-modern household equipment. He, of course, must arrange a test drive of a new vacuum cleaner to show you what this precious gift of technology is capable of. True, the problem may lie in the fact that the “presentation” will be enough for the husband and he will give the control panel of the vacuum cleaner to you with satisfaction.

But no – he just proved that he is doing fine – it means that in the future you will take turns vacuuming! Ah-ah-ah, men are so short-sighted …

Let him act on his own.

He does the dishes terribly – keeps the sponge from the wrong angle! And the dust in the corners, which remains after he has “thoroughly vacuumed up” everything?

Decisively, he doesn’t do anything right! Do you often speak like that?

This only proves that you cannot withdraw yourself, abandon the “maternal” power (after all, the mother always knows how to do it!), The manifestation of which is completely inappropriate here – this is an adult man. First, we complain that men do not help us, and then do not allow them to interfere.

How to get down to business?

First you need to realize: it is useless to impose on men strict rules for washing, cleaning, cooking, and so on. Just because he is not you, he has his own temperament, his habits, and he can never exactly fulfill all your requirements. It is best to accept what he has to offer – in the form in which it is offered, even if, for our taste, it is far from ideal.

Let it work at its own pace, even if you could do it a thousand times faster.

Four hand game

Do not put ultimatums!

There are days when you are ready to leave everything and “get the hell out of sight!” – so angry is your husband, who is lying on the couch, when you are forced to play the role of a “female orchestra” angry and annoy you. However, psychologists believe that the “domestic” motive of parting is often just a pretext: quarrels over household chores allow a couple of years not to touch on real problems.

How to get down to business?

Before you slam the door loudly, it is better to try to put the “household question” in the right place, because it is very disappointing and wrong to disperse because of a minor unresolved problem – there are always solutions. We must try to take the first steps: discuss, negotiate.

Finally, what we never do, although all family relations specialists talk about it continuously: you have to be reminded all the time that you both once liked each other, why you wanted to live together and what your closeness was based on ( she is!). This will allow to reconsider home problems impartially, with understanding and … love!

Forbid yourself work instead of husband.

A typical picture: we come home, we see a pile of crumpled clothes and a crowded garbage pail, for a second we stop … and get to work. Most women can’t hold back at the sight of a mess – this is stronger than us. Psychologists and this has a scientific explanation: in women hidden fear of chaos.

In the end, why not wash, stroke, clean … if it soothes? But, if the feeling of injustice devours you, you must grit your teeth and not take on what your husband should have done.

How to get down to business?

Paradox, but in order to learn how to do nothing, willpower is needed, because you have to fight with your reflexes. It is useless to chase the ideal hostess.

Did your grandmother iron everything, including the laces, rub the parquet and wash the windows every week? Today, few people are able to do so much homework.

And if we are less demanding of ourselves, then we will be less angry with our men!

Four hand game

Psychologists are taught to properly respond to the words of her husband – in fact, often small criticisms lead to a big quarrel.

Our reaction: “Of course, you do everything according to the principle“ all-in-one-and you’re done! ”

Expert advice. Learn to start with the phrase “Well, not bad.”

Learning to look good in everything: “It doesn’t matter that he turned the laundry inside out, at least he folded it in a pile!” (See above — let him handle his household chores as he pleases).

Our reaction: “Yes-ah, great excuse …”

Expert advice. If the husband tries in this way to get rid of his only duty, then we encourage him and close his eyes to his first failures.

You may have to sacrifice your favorite lace underwear! And if a man while doing shopping and something else, then delete the wash from his list of cases.

In the end, it does not make you hang cornices!

Our reaction: “I? And you do it like this, and this is not so … ”- and it started.

Expert advice. Stop this ping pong now!

Go for a walk, indulge yourself (eat ice cream, for example) and go back home. If the husband has not calmed down yet, do not insist – you can continue the debate later.

Our reaction. How can you not scream: “So what ?! I do it five times a day! ”

Expert advice. Keep silent.

There is nothing to discuss – he just has to wash the dishes.

Our reaction. We ask: “So that you can do nothing at all?”

Expert advice. Why not, if you can afford it. If you give up on principle helpers, ask yourself why.

Maybe because you are afraid to open your house, your intimate space to a stranger? This is also a position, but the husband has nothing to do with it.

Our reaction. “Perhaps, but you, you …”

Expert advice. Stop and think: if the husband is really right, then you do not have to stand behind him all the time, handing out valuable instructions – this is discouraging.

Keep your systematic reproaches with you – everything will be better.

Our reaction. We sigh: “Yeah, you always say that, and then I do everything …”

Expert advice. No sound, no gesture.

He must make sure that the affairs themselves are not done.

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