In fact, from the moment the relationship begins, the calculations begin. From the very beginning of the relationship at the mental level, a huge amount of information is saved, for example: he did not pay for my theater ticket, he or she is not happy with my gift.
We are too educated to raise these questions, but still, one way or another, they are stored in our memory. Over the years, the “accounts” become more complex: one prepares, while the other receives an education; one receives a large inheritance, while the second is forced to count every penny in order to live up to the next salary … And one fine day he or she charges the other.
Often at the moment of quarrel every penny is remembered. Who pays for what in the family? Who is buying a new car or doing repairs in the bathroom?
Who buys the products, and who makes the rent and allocates money for family holidays? How can costs be fairly divided?
There is already difficult to do without calculations. It is just important that the accounts be balanced.
To date, there are three main types of family budget planning.
The first of them – the general budget – the most common variant of the distribution of money in the family in our country. In this case, all the money earned by the husband and wife is put in a common piggy bank. And the question of what to spend them on is also decided together.
Typically, this type of budget is used in a family where the income of the spouses is approximately equal or where the wife is partially or fully dependent on her husband.
As a rule, none of the spouses is faced with the question of how to solicit money from the other. Both have access to finance, because there is mutual responsibility and mutual trust.
At the same time, couples with different income levels, choosing a joint budget, may face a number of contradictions. So, it can seem to one spouse that it is dishonest.
And he will start contributing a share to the common piggy bank equal to the share of the second half, and he will spend the rest on himself. This, of course, can lead to quarrels in the family, because the second spouse contributes all his funds to the general budget.
Another common cause of conflict when maintaining a joint budget is when one spouse begins to use money as a means of power and manipulation of the other. Most often, this is resorted to by men whose wives are in their full care.
But it happens the other way around. Just in Russia, in principle, much less women who would contain men.
The second option is a shared, or jointly-separate, type of budget. Suitable for couples with a slight difference between salaries. In this case, the family calculates how much money you need to spend on the most necessary: utility payments, food, household expenses and other needs.
The resulting amount is distributed between the spouses.
After all the calculations, everyone has personal money that can be spent at their discretion. The advantage of such planning is the combination of a sense of community in the family and an element of financial independence from each other.
On the other hand, a conflict can arise between spouses with a significant difference in salaries at the time of deciding how much each person should contribute. That is why it is so important to approach delicately to the material possibilities of a loved one, without reproaching and not looking into each other’s wallet.
The third option is a separate type of budget planning. He is more accepted among couples in which both spouses have a fairly high income.
Money at the same time are on different bank accounts. Food is bought together.
When someone runs out of money, he borrows from the second and must return the debt afterwards.
Among the benefits of such a budget is material independence from each other, which helps to avoid conflicts on financial grounds and enables everyone to plan their acquisitions without reporting to anyone. Minus – the family loses a sense of unity.
Like and live together, but at the same time, each in itself.
Of course, there is no single model that could be applied to all units of society without exception. But if every member of your family feels comfortable financially, then the budget model is right for you.
And it should be remembered: no matter how satisfied you are with the decision to manage the family budget, which you made at the beginning of your life together, you will most likely have to reconsider it over time. Circumstances change: children appear, your career develops.
You should regularly sit down at the negotiating table and discuss current monetary issues.
So, the main controversial issues have been settled, you have come to an agreement about which kind of budget is most suitable for your family, everyone is happy and happy, and here he appears … baby. Of course, this did not happen all of a sudden, you were preparing for its appearance for the whole 9 months. But only now finally realized how changed the course of your life.
Priorities are now set differently, and the costs have become much more. After all, a child, despite its tiny size, requires large investments.
Psychologists are confident that the birth of a child in one degree or another is a critical moment in the life of almost every family. Relationship and degree of interdependence of spouses change. A young mother for some period often finds herself without a source of income.
Often this fact sharply worsens the moral climate in the family.
Often, some women feel disadvantaged by being forced to stay at home with their children, although they would rather like to work and make a career. Losing self-esteem from this state of affairs, some women become irritable, sometimes even aggressive.
Husbands, in turn, are perplexed: they sit at home, “do nothing”, spend a lot of money somewhere and even be displeased! How to be?
First of all, respect each other and remember that the budget is just money, and your family, in which you are now three, needs warm feelings and love, and this is much more important! “Psychologically, it’s important here how the budget was planned in your family before the baby arrived. If you always had “2 wallets”, you need to discuss a new “policy”.
Remember, you also work, as well as your husband, just your work is different, home. And she, in addition to “washing-cleaning”, includes the education of your common baby, your descendant. So both of you are working, ”says family psychologist Olesya Agranovich. “For some reason, we don’t doubt that the janitor works, the nanny works, the home service employee works, as do accountants, managers, and heads.
A woman who is “on leave to care for a child” is resting, actually doing all of the above work at the same time!
Researchers claim that the work of the mother is essentially equal to the work of the air traffic controllers. And this, as we know, is one of the most complex and important specialties.
And for you there is also a favorite work with family people! ”“ A woman is on maternity leave to care for a child and now does not earn as much as before, which means she is practically dependent on her husband, which she didn’t have before. Therefore, for the beginning it is worth finding out: who and in what proportion is going to provide for the child and mother, – says clinical psychologist Anastasia Chembarisova. – When a woman is going to give birth in a marriage, she often quite naturally thinks that her husband will provide all the necessary things, but it’s better to find out his point of view right away in order not to face unpleasant surprises.
The nuance of the second: the loss of self-esteem, the deterioration of the emotional state of the mother due to the restriction of its financial independence. Plus, fatigue, lack of sleep, the feeling that “you do not belong to yourself.”
In such conditions, financial lack of independence can be perceived by a woman as an additional depressing factor, and therefore the issue of the distribution of money, the possible receipt of help from relatives and going to work or searching for part-time work should be discussed in detail. ”
“With the birth of the crumbs to the manipulation on the part of men, if there were any before, can only increase,” says Anastasia Chembarisova, “now he works for two dependents and in return, naturally, he wants to receive twice as much food, comfort, caress and honors. Conflicts on monetary issues do not arise, if what is required for a child is objectively necessary, in his opinion.
If a wife insists on a wheelchair worth two times her husband’s salary, then it’s hardly possible to manage without conflict. ”
Therefore, when planning expenses on purchases, try to immediately identify priorities. The main thing in your budget is the purchase of high-quality food, then clothing, then the rest of the space (stroller, changing station, cot, etc.).
Relatives and friends can also be attracted to help, especially in a crisis. As gifts, you can ask for tuition, shoes, interior items (baby rugs, toy boxes), gift certificates, tickets to the circus / puppet theater, etc. But do not forget that a child is a child, and the best gift for him – a toy.
It would be great if, for example, for a year of study in a development center, he would be presented with at least a balloon with a funny face, a machine he had long dreamed of, or a large teddy bear.