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Do not rush the development

Do not rush the development

In the family circle, at the sandbox, in the nursery locker room, the “comparative analysis” of other people and their own children is in full swing. “How strange it is that your Liza does not walk in a year yet. But her cousin with might and main stamped at the age of 10 months! ”; “Don’t you think that for a two-year-old child, Artyom is simply fantastic?

I can not believe that he is younger than Polina! ”; “All my grandchildren at 2 years old already went only to the pot. If I were you, I would ask the pediatrician why Masha is lagging behind. ”

As soon as we become parents, we immediately begin to look hard at children for signs of anticipatory development and come to complete horror if the slightest lagging behind the statistical “norm” is found.

Psychologists and pediatricians are unanimous in their opinion that concern for strict compliance with schedules and developmental norms is becoming more and more deeply rooted in the minds of modern parents. They get a lot of information about the so-called “normal” stages of child development and immediately begin to compare.

Although no child exactly corresponds to the standard model described by statistics. The graphs that represent the stages of mastering a variety of skills and abilities are averaged.

One should never forget that every child, like every parent, is absolutely unique!

And in fact, is it worth declaring a state of emergency in the family if the child is slow to start walking or not eating with a spoon in a year and a half?
Already for 20 years it has been known that all newborns begin to acquire various skills from the very first hours of life. After all, the abilities of each baby are absolutely exceptional! In addition, there is an incredible variety of development options, depending on each individual child.

The scope of the concept of “norm” in relation to walking, speech, neatness, reading, etc., has been significantly expanded. For example, today in European countries it is considered normal if the child finally abandons diapers between 2 and 6 years old, and begins to read between 4 and 9. So, if the child is not ready to start reading at 5 years old, there is nothing ” abnormal ”and do not need to force him to jump over the necessary stages of development, since he still needs some time to master this skill.

The notion of the duration of the period over which all the “epochal” events in a child’s life should happen has changed. The statement that everything is resolved at the age of 3–6 years is incorrect, since in childhood development there are so-called catch-up periods, and children as early as adolescence may well catch up with what they “slipped” in childhood.

If a child has a certain difficulty at the age of 7, this does not mean at all that he will have any problems throughout his life. A child is fully capable, if loved ones support him, to re-enter the harmonious rhythm of development.

Only 5% of children are considered to be truly gifted by statistics.
This term means that the coefficient of intellectual development in these children is higher than the average indicator of their peers. Only IQ tests conducted by professional psychologists can confirm or disprove the hypothesis of sudariness.
Many parents dream that their offspring will be super-outstanding.
But there are risks:

  1. Problems with the school curriculum – only 30% of children with advanced education study brilliantly.
  2. Possible rejection by peers – because their interests are very different.

Do not rush the development

What to argue, today we live in a rather ruthless world. The competition is fierce, and modern parents have enough reasons to say: at a distance leading to success, that child starts more successfully, which has a certain odds compared to others. Indeed, in the depths of their souls, they wish their child to reveal his full potential.

Indeed, each of us wants his child to become the best, most beautiful, strong and intelligent. It would be strange if we did not dream about it!

But. We must not forget that there is certainly a difference between a real and an imaginary child. The aspirations of parents do not always coincide with the real children’s possibilities.

It is this little mismatch that gives rise to such great anxieties.

Any parent knows that raising a child is difficult. That is why the slightest lag behind the average speed of development is worrying for us.

Often, mothers reproach themselves: “This is because of me my daughter does not speak as well as other children, because I went to work and did not pay her enough attention.”

Experts believe that we would be much less worried if we remembered that the new achievements of our children do not occur in all areas at the same time. A kid engaged in mastering the techniques of walking simply cannot intensively concentrate on the development of speech.

A child who puts all his energy into solving the problem of going to the pot will pay less attention to drawing. The well-known American pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton states: children’s mastering of new skills is uneven, periods of progress are followed by pauses, during which it may seem to parents that the child has stopped and even stepped back in his development.

In fact, he is simply preparing for a new “throw”, and this may require several months of effort and concentration. We, adults, are accustomed to focus only on the final result, and after all these “periods of rest” are very necessary for our children: the harmony of the development of children depends on them.

Oddly enough, the father or mother are not the best judges of the abilities of their own child – after all, they are too subjective! If you have questions, it is better to share them with a doctor or psychologist who can say whether the “program failure” that you found deserves attention.

Every feature of a child’s development must be considered in the context of his family circumstances. Some kind of non-standard situation: the birth of a younger brother, relocation, divorce of parents, illness — can slow down progress and even turn events back for a while.

Ultimately, it is important to evaluate child development in general, to pay attention not only to its rhythm, but also to all its areas – intellectual, sensual, emotional. In order to achieve professional success and become a fully developed personality, the harmony of emotions is no less necessary than the well-known IQ – the intellectual factor.

A sociable, pleased with himself, possessing a sense of humor and surrounded by friends, the child “starts” as well in life as the one who can read from 5 years of age. If a kid before school chooses to play rather than count or write, this does not mean that he has less chance of success at school.

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