It is known that children’s diseases take away a huge amount of strength and energy from parents, especially if they go one after another: a runny nose is replaced by diathesis, diathesis by cough, cough by diarrhea … All this turns the life of a whole family into endless treatment.
It is not surprising that childhood diseases cause a huge amount of emotions in adults. On the one hand, they frighten us, often taking them by surprise, forcing us to think about possible complications in the future; moreover, sometimes we do not quite understand how to behave. After all, you need to somehow help a child who feels unwell, sad, naughty, refuses to eat, play.
Even worse, if his temperature rises, something hurts and because of this he does not find a place for himself. Of course, we want to relieve him of pain and fear as soon as possible, we are worried about the baby, have pity on him and quite often begin to feel guilty that the child is so bad. “This is some kind of punishment, when he is sick, I can neither sleep nor eat.
Even from a small malaise, our whole life is crumbling. ” Familiar sensations?
Of course, all adults know that it is bad to be ill and that one of the main tasks of parents is to raise the child healthy, preserve and strengthen what was given to him by nature, to make him never sick. When a baby is healthy, mom and dad feel much more confident, they are even a little proud of themselves and consider themselves to be “good parents”. If a child often catches a cold, suffers from abdominal pains, and his bruises and ripped off knees do not have a number, this suggests to adults that they are poorly and ineptly coping with their duties …
- It is not necessary to impose excessive demands on the baby. Otherwise, curing him of the disease, you temporarily reduce them, give him support, show sympathy … As a result, the child will understand how he can “fight” with you, and will constantly complain of indisposition.
- Teach your baby to recover and do not teach him to hurt. Unfortunately, most often children get the experience of how to be sick “with pleasure” (to take care of their parents, to manage others, requiring attention and entertainment) or how to get sick with despair, a sense of loneliness and abandonment. However, most of all the kids need the experience of how to recover, not feeling guilty and becoming stronger and more secure, overcoming another attack.
- Do not scold the child for being ill. After all, just like you, he feels guilty.
- If the baby “does not get out” of the disease and the doctors do not find the cause of the disease, pay attention to what is happening around the child. You may need to consult with a family therapist.
The main task of a newborn baby is to adapt to the world as much as possible and learn to survive in his completely non-sterile environment. Oddly enough, it is the diseases that are assigned the main role in this process: they must help the baby’s body to “get acquainted” with various viruses and microbes, learn how to resist and form the immunity, which, as we know, depends on how effectively the child will resist Environmental hazards.
However, building your own defenses is a big job for a small organism that requires a huge amount of energy.
How can adults help a child? All the people around the child – and first of all, of course, the parents – turn out to be the first and main psychological barrier that helps the child to resist the “aggression” of the outside world. Parental efforts about the health of the child, manifested in sufficient quantities, their sensitivity to his own forces allow him to successfully and better develop his own protective forces.
At the same time, both excessive and insufficient care can lead the child to care little about the formation of his own means of adaptation, and this will make him defenseless when meeting with such “dangers” as cold air, wet or warm wind, sunlight, new food, regime change, or even some inevitable, although quite banal events. It is good when a mother quickly and correctly orientates herself in how a child feels: he is cold or hot, he is full or he is still hungry, tired of impressions or, on the contrary, longs for new discoveries.
However, it is equally important that the baby should form its own attitude to the world around it, its own sensitivity to temperature, a feeling of satiety, hunger, fatigue and arousal.
“We are always doing well, while I’m close to Petya,” says the mother of a 2-year-old baby. “But if I leave him with his dad or grandmother, he will definitely catch a cold or his stomach will ache.” I am so worried when he is somewhere without me … because only I feel and understand him well. ”
Such a position of a mother can be considered correct only in the first months of a child’s life, otherwise, after being left without a mother, without the usual protective environment, the child will feel helpless and the meeting with any germ and virus will end with another illness.
It is known that in very young children the emotional, mental life is closely connected with bodily sensations and the border between emotional and physical is almost indistinguishable. That is why the main emotional events inevitably affect the state of the body of the baby.
Strong mental burdens, the presence in the family of such negative experiences as anxiety, hidden, suppressed irritation, anger, resentment, not to mention various frightening events (quarrels, scandals, serious illnesses of someone from adults), deprive the child of the necessary support and protection, and he becomes unable to deal with the loads and stresses. The child reports his difficulties to adults not with words, but with his body, that is, with diseases.
The first and most important message to adults is that the child does not cope with what is happening around him, he is unbearable for the burden of care and he needs help. Many adults intuitively catch this call, but more often they begin to help, not in word but in deed – with drugs, procedures, doctors, hospitals. However, quite often with his illness, the baby tells you about his emotional, emotional state and needs first of all sympathy and understanding.
For example, when parents quarrel, the child feels in danger, it seems to him that he is not needed by anyone, he was abandoned, forgot about him, but he does not have the appropriate means to express his fear and protest about this. And then the stress experienced by him can lead to impaired breathing or heartbeat.
When a child is able to cope with unpleasant emotions that he feels, then, most likely, his stress will manifest in a cry or protest. However, if the negative feelings experienced are too strong, they can affect the bodily, physiological processes of the body and form pathological reactions. In this case, the child’s response to the situation may be vomiting or an asthmatic attack.
Moreover, if a physiological protest on events attracts the attention of adults (that is, proves to be an effective means of struggle), it can be fixed as a stable reaction to the events taking place. As a result, the child will become a hostage of parental relations, and parents will be trapped in children’s diseases.
By the way, not only quarrels and conflicts cause intractable emotional problems in a child. Prolonged tension between parents, grandmothers, or just a few loved ones, illness, depression, or loss of one’s loved ones are also a source of pain for the baby. For example, constant anxiety, unexpressed sadness may manifest weakness, pain in the heart or back, to which the child will pay attention, complain.
After all, at two, not in three years old, the child is not able to say to his mother: “I am disturbed and distressed by your frowning look, I feel bad about this.” However, he feels that his heart is squeezing, it is difficult for him to breathe, because of this he begins to cry and complain to adults.
It is not by chance that quite often the most comfortable remedy for a sick child is a cozy bed, mother’s voice, gentle hands, a familiar song – everything that allows him to feel loved, needed, understood. However, due to the fact that most often the source of tension remains in place (parents continue to quarrel or go on long business trips, grandmothers are offended or anxious), the tension of the baby also remains in place, and the disease becomes a familiar guest in the family.
Another source of tension, which can manifest itself in the form of various painful symptoms, can be excessive, exaggerated demands on the child by the parents. Of course, all moms and dads want their children to be strong, smart and self-confident, so that they can achieve a lot in life without being afraid of any trials and difficulties. However, sometimes it turns out that parents are too in a hurry to see their child big, successful, clever, intelligent and independent, completely forgetting that at this point in time the baby cannot meet these requirements.
In this case, the child tries hard not to disappoint the expectations of the parents and makes great efforts not to upset and disappoint them. And quite often he simply does not have the strength to do what adults want, because for this you need to control a lot of things: speak rationally, manipulate different objects correctly and most importantly, be able to cope with your feelings, not be afraid, not cry , do not shout. If a child does not have enough strength to cope with the tasks set by adults, the fear of a negative assessment can manifest itself in stomach cramps and abdominal pain.
This is one of the strongest “arguments” in relations with adults; it acts almost without fail: parents immediately get scared and give up their positions. Of course, it is very important to be attentive to pain and not to miss a serious illness, but if the doctor called doesn’t find any reason to worry, and the situation recurs again and again under the same circumstances, then it’s time you pay attention to your relationship with the baby.
Most often, the pain in the abdomen appears after the fear and protest against what is happening. “Irochka has a regular stomach ache in the morning when I have to go to work, and a nanny should come to her. She aches, holds on to her tummy, walks around me until the nurse comes, her daughter quickly calms down with her, and I can leave. ”
The girl tries to be good, not to be capricious, not to interfere with her mother’s work, but her anxiety and unwillingness to remain without her is manifested in real pain, which is unpleasant for her and, of course, scares and distresses her mother. In such a situation, you should find time to talk with the child, tell you that you also miss without him, you also do not always want to leave – and so gradually transfer feelings from the “belly” to the area of relationships.