Being a boy’s mother is very interesting. You will learn so much about the psychology of the opposite sex, get such an experience that it will be a real discovery. You will see the world with completely different eyes, learn something you never knew, and even do something you never did.
For example, if in your childhood you turned away and ran away after seeing a worm, now there is a great opportunity to examine invertebrates in full detail. (If you don’t want, you still have to – you’ll bring it on a stick at the most unexpected moment.) Have you ever wondered why the doll opens and closes its eyes? Now you will see the structure of the puppet brain with your own eyes – the boy will be tormented by the question “why” until he disassembles his head to the last hair.
And being a boy’s mom is a lot of fun. Boys laugh more, like to joke and fool around.
It won’t be boring – that’s for sure! On the other hand, being a boy’s mother is harder.
Own experience, on which we often rely, will not always help. “I know why he does that, because I was also a child,” you think. But you were a child girl, and this is not at all the same as being a child boy.
Boys – they are completely different.
The pace of development, psycho-physiological characteristics, the behavior of boys in many respects differ from the same indicators in girls. And since birth. For example, even baby boys don’t like to talk.
The girls quickly react to their mother’s voice, make many sounds, actively “walk” and, before crying, will attract the attention of adults in other ways. And the boys will look very attentively at the mother, follow her eyes, move the arms and legs, but – silently. And it is more difficult to calm the boy down with the help of words.
Songs, cheerful hooting or, on the contrary, quiet whisper – boys react to any intonation much more weakly than girls. But they perceive body contact better.
Quite a little boy is easier to calm down, if you take him on handles, gently quiver, shake. Little girls like to look at pictures with people’s faces, and for boys this can even cause discontent.
Boys adapt worse to new conditions and love to be surrounded by the same people, the same things. This feature manifests itself in the first year of life, but persists later. Hike in kindergarten, relocation, new people in the family – all this for boys can be very stressful. They always need a longer period to get used to the new conditions.
But the feeling of fear they experience, compared with girls, to a lesser extent.
Boys do not have the ability to quickly assess the situation as quickly, so they do not always even notice what could cause fear. In addition, they do not have such a sharp ear and a great tolerance for noise. Little boys demonstrate fearlessness, for example, before a thunderstorm or the sound of an airplane taking off.
Boys have high physical activity. Almost from birth, they like extreme entertainment such as tossing into the air or driving fast.
Restrictions in such activities and noisy games (their boys are also very respected) usually act overwhelmingly, but do not balance at all.
If we talk about development in general, then it goes unevenly. Periods of rapid growth, weight gain alternate with periods when no changes are visible at all.
The same is observed in psychological development. The boy may not speak for a long time, will not say two words, while his contemporaries are already in full talk with whole phrases, and then he will speak suddenly and immediately. Boys generally have more developmental disabilities.
Deviations are not in the sense of “worse”, but in the sense of discrepancies with some existing norm. If you have read that at such and such a age a child must possess such skills, this does not mean that your child will have them.
The development of all children in general (both boys and girls) may differ in originality, but the boys are more concerned with this. Such is their mission. Nature is on men working out all the “new” evolution, to find something more positive and progressive.
The scatter of congenital signs in the male sex is much larger than that of the female, they have more and useful and harmful deviations. Boys are born less mature, and with age, this difference will increase. By school age, she will reach almost a year, and by the period of puberty – two years.
This applies not only psychophysiological maturity, but also social. Boys remain children longer – with immediate reactions, interests, ways of communication.
All this must be taken into account in the process of education, because it is impossible to change.
In many traditional cultures, little boys are raised in two stages. First, they are engaged in women – mother, grandmother and next of kin. Then, at six or seven years, the rights and duties are transferred to the father.
Now only he solves all educational issues, and women should not interfere or contradict. From the point of view of European mothers (yes, probably, any other, not belonging to traditional cultures), this custom is unjust.
It turns out that the woman with whom the boy was born immediately knows that her direct participation in the child’s life will not be long – and brings him up with the consciousness that he is about to be taken away. In relation to my mother, this is even cruel.
But in relation to the boy himself, in fact, it is fair – if we take into account his age needs and features of development. And it is precisely this kind of parenting scheme (in general terms, in the sense of parental influence) that should be recognized as correct.
Early childhood is a period of strong attachment to mother. Boys, even more girls, need an immediate presence of my mother; the harder they endure separation.
But as soon as the boy turns six, the situation changes. Now the object of affection becomes the father. The boy appreciates playing with him, values his participation in his life.
The six-year-old boy feels that he belongs to the male world and thanks to his father behaves confidently in him.
Moms are sometimes hurt, and they unknowingly try to regain their former position. “Well, what good can you learn at a football match? To the rejection of obscene words? No, I’d rather go for a walk with him ”,“ What kind of fishing did you gather for?
Learn to fold your socks first. ” Although disagreements about the upbringing of the boy usually begin earlier – even during his attachment to his mother.
“Well what is it? – the father speaks contemptuously, seeing how the mother wipes her son’s tears with a handkerchief. – You’re a man, you should not cry. And the more so blow your nose into a scarf with a rose should not.
The son cries even louder – now also for resentment, and his mother presses him even closer.
“He’s going to be a mama’s boy,” papa warns.
“Maybe our child is special, not the same as everyone else, and he needs more sensitivity and softness,” the mother says in full confidence that it’s not worth it to allow men to be raised.
“No, you have simply spoiled him, and now he will be a softer and whimper all his life,” the father replies, regretting that they did not give him a real man.
In fact, all the time. Men are not born, but become.
And not immediately, but gradually, and in the life of every real man there should be a period when he can cry, complain to mom and wipe her tears with a handkerchief with roses. The boy has the right (and even should be) mama’s boy – from birth and almost to school. During this time, he will receive everything that mom can give: unlimited love, tenderness, confidence in their own values.
But then, under the leadership of the Pope, he will learn what a real man should be able to do. Of course, these periods do not have a clear boundary.
And it is not at all necessary on the sixth birthday to solemnly hand over the child to the father with the words: “Well, now you bring up” (although this is what happens with traditional nations).
The presence of both parents is very important for a child from birth, and there is no period when one of the parents could withdraw from participation in the child’s life (even a boy, even a girl) in general – so that it is painless. We can talk only about the prevailing influence of one of the parents and that the other does not interfere at this time, but helps.
What is required from mom at this time? First and foremost – to be happy. The advice sounds weird, but it is.
Boys are tied to their mother from the first days, they are more sensitive to her condition. An infant can also be depressed if his mother experiences postpartum depression.
Boys who survived mom’s mood disorder, as adults, are also prone to low mood. They fix the feeling of sadness, sadness, and keep it for life. A happy mother, happy with her life, is an indispensable condition for a positive attitude to the child’s life and the best model for raising a boy.
After all, right now, at an early age, he develops an idea about women and men in general; preferences are being formed – the basis of future family life.
Mom, who believes that family life for a woman is hard labor, inspires a feeling of guilt for the boy. In the future family life, he will surely be a caring and attentive family man, but he himself is unlikely to be truly happy.
Because being guided in choosing a partner will be a feeling of guilt. Secondly, the mother should always be there. Moreover, the emotional intimacy and accessibility of the mother is much more important than its formal presence, and you can be a good mother even with a full working day.
However, it is better if you yourself are engaged in education in the first year of life and do not give the boy to kindergarten until the age of three.
Another mother should be soft, affectionate and feminine. Mothers raising boys often think that they need to try to be stricter with them. The same is demanded of those around them, especially if the mother is raising her son alone.
In fact, it is precisely the severity and rigidity in early childhood that later turn into behavioral disorders and difficulties in relations with parents. Most women who complain of adult sons because they do not show warm feelings and are very formal in communication are just supporters of tough measures in education.
What should mom do at this time? Maintain the authority of the father. If you ask a child: “Who should be in the family chief?”, – he will think.
But not because he does not know, he just decides how to say so as not to offend anyone. Children usually say this: “Mom and dad in the family should be equal, but dad is a little more important because he is stronger”.
The need for strong authority is innate. Ethologist Konrad Lorenz argued that in human society, as among animals, there is the instinct of the pack.
And the “leader”, the main can be the one who is stronger and more intelligent. No, even the most loving and tender mother, can provide such a need: women are too emotional to take on the role of leaders.
And they, too, must obey and respect the one who is in charge. Of course, it is better if there is mutual respect between the parents and the dad’s dominance does not mean complete subordination of the rest of the family members.
But even the situation when the father is too authoritarian (in comparison with the soft mother) is better for the boy than, on the contrary, the soft father and the powerful mother.
Gradually reduce their participation in the life of his son. Communication with the mother is still needed by the boy, but not in all areas. Mom needs to reduce control in terms of choice of classes, friendships.
Too much mother’s influence does not allow the boy to develop, badly affects the formation of his character. It is impossible to accurately determine the degree of mother’s participation in 6, 7, 10 years.
Rather, the mother herself should feel when it is desirable and even irreplaceable, and when it will be better to give her son independence.