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Children’s: the territory of his freedom

Children's: the territory of his freedom

Personal space is perceived by man as part of his own “I.” Therefore, both adults and children react to invasion as aggression against the “I”.

In addition, this is a place where you can be extremely alone with yourself, because even the closest entrance here without the permission of the owner is prohibited. It is extremely important that parents treat with respect and tact not only the private space of their child, but also their personal time, during which he wants to be alone, to that innermost part of his soul, where he does not want to let anyone go.

Thus, they help him to become independent, retain his individuality and lay the foundation for future trusting relationships with his baby. Its territory – it is also an opportunity to feel confident, because this is a kind of kingdom in which you can sovereignly rule.

There is a place for hobbies crumbs, little things like beads and glass, which seem unnecessary trash to parents, but can be a real treasure for the baby. Here you can do what you like.

All this gives the child a sense of psychological comfort in its territory.

Thus, all children have a need for solitude, but this need is expressed differently and appears at different times: for example, only at seven years of age does one child close the toilet door behind him, and the other child, at the age of five, avoids changing clothes for everyone mind But despite the differences, there are general trends.

This is what you can expect at every age.

Why do they need it?

For a baby, the time spent alone is the time of inactivity and the opportunity to take a break from communication. During such a respite, the baby learns to occupy himself.

So, in the family of three-year-old Masha, they tell a story about how, while still very young, she loved to look out of the window at a huge old oak tree, on which birds made a nest. At the same time, there are children who can play, play with their fingers or with rattles for up to 20 minutes in a row, but there are also those who need a few minutes a day.

How to find out about it?

In the midst of a game, a child may begin to avert, turn away, or fuss. Thus, he lets you know that he is overtired and needs some time to recuperate.

Why do they need it?

The adorable baby, who did not take his eyes off you and began to cry bitterly as soon as you left the room, suddenly declares to you: “I want to be alone!” For parents, this can be a real shock. Nevertheless, from about one and a half years all children really need to spend some time alone. In the second year of life, children begin to realize their independence, their separation from others.

Therefore, the child should be given the opportunity to practice their independence. However, do not forget that the world seems very large to the child – he may ask you to leave, but not too far.

He closes the door, but does not slam it to the end.

How to find out about it?

Of course, children of this age can not yet precisely formulate their desire to be alone, so do not be surprised if the child starts to simply push you away or cry for no reason at all. The theme of solitude arises at this age also in connection with the child’s accustoming to the pot. Often children try to hide to go to the toilet.

The child learns to own his body, and at this time he needs to be alone.

Children's: the territory of his freedom

Why do they need it?

Children gradually become more independent and begin to learn useful skills – dressing themselves, pouring juice on themselves, using scissors. They want to grow up and feel more like adults, and this is very difficult when mom and dad are busy around you and offer their help every minute.

In order to practice in mastering everyday activities, the child tries to get out of the total control of adults.

In addition, preschoolers are beginning to play a variety of situations and try on roles. Some babies are very embarrassed if they know that you are watching their game.

How to find out about it?

Do not be surprised if a child tries to get you out of his room. For example, four-year-old Dasha began to play with her plush toys in a wardrobe, leading long conversations with them.

If a mother looks at her, she immediately says: “Mom, leave” – and does not start the game until she is alone again. You should not be offended by this behavior, because there is nothing personal in it, and you just need to use the opportunity to teach the child how to politely ask adults to leave him alone.

Children at this age love secrets – they are pleased to realize that they know something that nobody else knows. Little Misha hides his beloved typewriter every night before going to sleep, and in the morning, waking up, first of all takes it out of its hiding place.

Usually it is the younger preschoolers that parents begin to teach about cleanliness and order. Cleaning up your room often becomes a stumbling block.

You wonder how your little angel can feel confident that year after year seems to you like a battlefield? You would like him to bring order, but he does not understand why.

Just what we call disorder corresponds to him a certain order, of course, a very personal, but still order. It is a kind of psychic geography that provides it with a crucial sense of security. He has his ciphers, his own labels, which he himself identified and arranged.

When in the rest of the house the child obeys the many prescriptions and prohibitions imposed by parents (prohibitions are necessary as they teach him the rules of life in society), in his room he should be able to return to the space to which he is the master. But how then do not overgrow with dirt and debris? Agree that things should not be dumped by a continuously growing mountain, but do not interfere in the order in which they will be laid out.

In addition, you need to understand that to bring cleanliness and restore order is not the same thing. Usually, parents are allowed to enter the private children’s area in order to restore cleanliness.

To go hunting for crushed cookies and spread sweets – yes, it is necessary. In this case, older children can wield themselves with brushes and mops.

Instead of pressure, use a collaboration strategy. Invite your child to become a police officer for a while and identify in the apartment, including, of course, in your room, areas that require urgent cleaning.

Starting the fight against dirt, turn on cheerful music, arrange a competition for, say, the highest quality and quick floor cleaning – in general, make this occupation a boring one.

What else can you do? Think of a good character or use options from fairy tales: for example, Ole Lukoye is quite suitable, who loves to read books at night, draw, sculpt and get upset when he cannot find the things he needs in “his” places.

However, it’s up to the child to decide where in the room there will be that “own” place in pencils and books. In the form of a game, offer the child to build a garage for his fleet or glue together a doll house.

Let him choose a suitable place for him. In the evenings, remind you that dolls and teddy bears are uncomfortable to spend the night on the street, and for cars it’s time to rest in the garage. In any case, you should not do the cleaning of the child’s room in his absence – this may increase his anxiety, he feels unsettled, restless.

By the way, in order to avoid anxiety, for the kid to feel confident in the constancy of things and his power over them, the room should have furniture “to its measure”: light chairs, a table without sharp corners, shelves of height and, of course, low, comfortable a bed — so that he can rise when, at the dawn, he has a desire to indulge in some game without being forced to call for help.

In difficult cases, when cleaning has become an apple of discord, older children can be given the opportunity to themselves appreciate the value of life in the dirt. After one or two nights spent under a sticky blanket smeared with jam, the child will begin to protest.

Children's: the territory of his freedom

Why do they need it?

By the age of five, children feel much more confident in society, and one of the ways to learn friendship is to communicate with their peers, if possible without the participation of adults. Of course, even schoolchildren should not be left unattended for a long time.

It is important for parents to learn to be close, but to intervene only if the safety of the child is at risk.

How to find out about it?

Surely your child will want to hide from you somewhere with his friend. So, the mother of seven-year-old Viti and five-year-old Nikita told me that the boys father built a tree house for them, with a rope ladder that can be lifted up and not allowed uninvited guests.

On Saturdays, 4–5 boys climb into this house and arrange some game there while mom reads below. Mama is only a few meters away, but since she cannot rise to them, it seems to them that they are completely alone.

Children's: the territory of his freedom

This age period is characterized as the age of rapid development of the imagination, the active formation of the inner world. So, when in the sunbeam penetrating through the curtains, dust particles are floating, the child sees stars in them, and an adult imagines an acarid of dust mites.

Your child builds a tent for himself, goes to bed on the floor in a sleeping bag, then how does he have a pretty bed at his disposal? For you, this is ridiculous and meaningless, for him a game that is not at all a self-indulgence.

Thanks to her, he builds the psychological cocoon he needs; develops new, still unfamiliar sensations. All children once built huts.

And the own room is the best of the huts. To grow, a person needs to have secrets, privacy, protected from the eyes of others. This is where the eloquent signs on the doors of the children are: “Everyone except me is forbidden to enter!”, “Knock before you enter!” And other inscriptions or drawings that threaten tactless aliens.

Well, the baby has grown up, and adults will have to control less and negotiate more. It is the wisdom of an adult that will help keep the balance between childish freedom and the fact that a child should remember that you are his parents and that his private life has boundaries.

Associated with the development of fantasy is the desire to paint walls, to paste decals – in general, to redo and decorate. Why not? Alas, parents often kill the child’s desire for creativity.

Do not limit your child to want to decorate the room to your liking. Even if this taste is still not perfect. In addition, it is difficult for us to accept the fact that the kid will spoil what we have created for him with love.

To accept what we consider disrespect, let us recall the words of the famous pediatrician, child psychologist Francoise Dolto: “The child must spoil. If it is too early to learn to respect things purchased at high prices, it will prevent him from being alive. ”

The value of things he will understand gradually, as he learns to master his own business. But you can tell your child how colors are combined with each other, show pictures in magazines and books, where rooms are furnished with taste, advise how to make more room for games in the room. But the last word in the design of the space should remain for the child.

When the family has two grown children, the room can become a place of fierce battles. If the room is large enough, divide it in two with a folding screen. This will allow them to be together when they want it, and at the same time to have their own separate corner, hidden from the view, for storing treasures that they do not want to divide into two.

Designers often use space zoning in small rooms. Determine where you eat, where you work, where you sleep, which corner of the room belongs to your mother, and which child. The kid should be firmly aware that this is Daddy’s table and cannot be painted in the colors of the rainbow, and this is the grandmother’s rocking chair and he will have to be freed from the machines on demand.

Agree that the child is free to set his own rules in his room, but he will not scatter toys all over the apartment and arrange the dolls at the table during the reception of guests. Such an agreement will teach both you and the child to treat each other’s inner world with care.

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