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Children’s jealousy: we teach the child to be jealous correctly

Children's jealousy: we teach the child to be jealous correctly

The topic of child jealousy is considered relevant when it comes to the relationship of brothers and sisters. Here it is obvious, clear, it manifests itself dramatically and lasts a long time. She emotionally affects the parents, so just not paying attention.

Other cases of jealousy are not so noticeable, but there are still many of them. Children are jealous of mom to dad and vice versa. They are both jealous of work and friends.

Jealous grandmother to her other grandchildren, neighbors and grandchildren of these neighbors. They are jealous when a friend in the sandbox enters another team of builders and when the teacher too often says: “Oh, what a good fellow Peter!

You should all take an example from him. ” Children are generally jealous. In general, even more jealous adults – simply because of age egocentricity.

They feel that they are part of any relationship with the people around them (“If grandma praises someone else’s child, it means she doesn’t like me,” “if mother comes late from work, it means she’s better there than with me”, but they don’t know treat the situation at the level of logic. Parents who do not pay attention to such “nonsense”, believing that with age everything will pass by itself, make a big mistake.

Their children become very jealous adults, suffer from their feelings themselves and do not give rest to others.

Jealousy refers to negative emotions, but in reality it is simply necessary. Its original function is self-preservation. Creatures weak, vulnerable should feel the loss of attention to themselves and return it to ensure their survival.

That is why the manifestations of jealousy can be observed at a very early age: if the mother starts talking on the phone during the breastfeeding process, the baby already starts to get nervous. Discontent happens even more if someone from the family enters the room.

Some children even refuse to eat and cry, wanting mom to stop all extraneous affairs. As they grow up, they begin to make sure that mom and dad are not too “addicted” to intercourse with each other, they can stop trying to hug, kiss, sometimes even prevent hands from getting up, always standing between their parents. “I am here – and deal with me.

Because I am small, weak, in need of continuous care. You never know what can happen while you are looking at each other here ”- this is approximately the message of the zealous behavior of young children. Of course, as they grow older, everyone understands perfectly: nothing terrible will happen if the attention of a loved one is lost for a while.

Neither mom nor dad will forget about their parental responsibilities, even if at the moment they are passionate about work or chatting with friends. But jealousy still remains – to a greater or lesser degree – and persists for a lifetime.

Why do adults need independent people who do not need care at all? To maintain its position, provide social confidence.

Feeling jealous, we understand that there is something wrong in our communication, we are trying to figure it out and fix everything.

Children's jealousy: we teach the child to be jealous correctly

“I myself am very jealous, and my son is the same. “Everything, Maxim is no longer my friend: today he played with cars with Misha, but they did not call me. I won’t talk to him tomorrow. ” It hurts me the most when I hear that from him.

But I already know that just jealousy in itself does not give anything. “Come up with a new game and offer them to play tomorrow together, then it will be interesting for everyone.” The next day, the child was just happy: “Mom, we played all day together!”. “You see,” I told him, “and you were going to be offended all day.” Galina, Leva’s mother

The behavior of a child in a state of jealousy can be very different – depending on his character, family relations, situation. Some children do not do something concrete, but they start to behave fussily: they walk around, rearrange objects, open-close doors, begin to look for some toys. “I don’t understand anything,” says Mom, “he just calmly worked on the designer, so I decided to call you. Well, let’s talk another time – I’ll go see what he rustles there. ”

Mom comes into the room, and a minute later the child sits down again and is engaged in the designer. In this case, the feeling of jealousy was not very pronounced – just at the level of anxiety.

In such a state, a person (both an adult and a child) simply looks and listens, rather than seeking to attract attention in full.

“At the doctor’s appointment with little Masha, we often go all three of us – the eldest child is also at home. Just starting to talk about Masha — how he sleeps, what he eats, how he holds his head — Pavlik immediately interrupts.

Once I took him an album and pencils so as not to interfere with a conversation. Exactly a minute, he sat quietly and drew, and then as he screamed: “Mom, look, I drew how I write on a flowerbed!” The doctor laughed, but I was terribly ashamed.

I had to justify myself and explain that this is a joke. Surely everyone thought that the child does not know how to behave. ” Elena, mother of Pavel and Masha

Sometimes a significant component of jealousy is an insult, and in this case the child becomes isolated, becomes depressed, sad. The five-year-old Ksenia was very pleased when a neighbor girl began to come to their house: the grandmother sometimes agreed to look after her.

However, a week later, these visits began to bring more problems than joy. The girl didn’t play with Ksyusha, but she enjoyed having fun with her grandmother: she taught French in dictation of grandmother’s songs, played the piano with two hands. “A wonderful child, you can envy her parents.

True, Ksyusha? ”- said grandmother one evening. But Ksyusha did not hear: she had been sitting in the closet for an hour, weaving a pigtail of scarves and imagining how upset her grandmother was when she discovered that her own granddaughter was not in the house. How she regrets that she was wasting time on someone else’s child, while her own was suffering so much.

How will he repent, and how he will cry, and how he will search for his beloved granddaughter until the very night. Grandma quickly found Ksyusha (the wardrobe was a favorite place for offended children since her childhood), but she still understood her mistake.

She told Ksenia that she loves her more than anyone else in the world and that no one, even the most talented girls, can replace her.

Children's jealousy: we teach the child to be jealous correctly

Parents must learn to “see” jealousy, understand it according to the child’s behavior and find the cause. But further this reason is necessary – no, not to eradicate, but to save!

If you exclude all situations of jealousy, then in the future the child will only get harder, because he will still have to face her in life.

“I am the only and long-awaited child in the family. To the question “What is the name of my daughter?” Parents did not just say my name, but always added: “Because she is our best gift.” The attitude was exactly the same – as for the jewels.

But I understood this only at the age of six, and before that I had nothing to compare with. I heard only compliments and praise, I did only what I liked. My preschool education was home, and before school I was taken to a training group.

I was shocked … from everything! From the fact that the teacher praises other children, from the fact that they make comments to me, from the fact that the boy with whom I sat for the first week asked the teacher to transplant him (he said that I was fat and took up a lot of space).

I cried all day and decided not to go anywhere else at all. Thanks to the teacher – she understood what the problem was and helped me get used to the team.

Honestly, I still worry very much now at thirty if I don’t feel attention. On the one hand, it makes me constantly improve, achieve something, and also work on my character, on the other – I continue to suffer from jealousy. I will try very hard for my daughter to have a correct perception of life.

We can not think that the world revolves only around you. ” Darina, mother of Ani

Children's jealousy: we teach the child to be jealous correctly

The situation of the manifestation of jealousy child should be treated calmly. However, it is worth bearing in mind the emotionality of children and the fact that their self-esteem before school age depends almost entirely on adults.

That is, the child really feels bad when he hears how close people admire someone else. What to do? Immediately say something good about him as well, in the form of a positive comparison, her expectations associated with him (“Olya, when she grows up, will also learn well — she is very curious now as well”).

Sometimes, if you see that it’s difficult for a child to cope with feelings, you need to talk kindly and frankly. “I know you think that we love brother more. In fact, it is just very small and can not at all without us.

When you were the same, we spent even more time with you. ” But the main thing is to show warm feelings more often, both about (praise for success, for the ability to behave well), and without it (to stroke, touch, call affectionate names, express delight, give compliments).

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