Your family has undergone major changes in the past two and a half years. The appearance of two young children has a significant impact on the system of relationships within the family. With the birth of a child, the distribution of roles, responsibilities, money and time usually changes, in many respects the family’s lifestyle becomes different, the time that spouses can devote to each other is reduced.
All these changes require new arrangements between them. These arrangements concern, among other things, the parental functions and the relationship with children.
You write that you would like to see your husband’s relationship with the boys closer. What actions could this intimacy express? What kind of responsibilities would you like him to take on?
What does your husband think about this? Dad’s relationship with the child develops differently than the relationship between mother and baby. In the overwhelming majority of cases, the popes are much less involved in the care of the newborn, spend much less time with it and, therefore, do not receive the interaction experience that the mother accumulates during pregnancy and the first months after the birth of the baby.
Therefore, it is the mother who can be a great helper in the art of understanding the baby.
Apparently, your husband and sons need help to navigate in new circumstances. Tell dad about the interests of the sons, about what each of them likes.
Think with your husband how you could spend time all together, and what could he do alone with his eldest son or with both. It is very important that you trust your husband and readiness to transfer part of the parental functions to him, even if you know for sure that you can cope better. And with your sons this week, talk more about your dad, tell them what he does, how you will spend the weekend together.
Together with the eldest son, you can draw a picture for dad, which he will give to dad on Saturday morning at breakfast.