Nice to see your child truly enthusiastic. Here he draws (or dances, or plays football): focused, stubborn, and so not childishly serious.
The rest of the world at this moment ceases to exist, and it becomes immediately clear: this is not a toy for you, but an important thing!
At the age when the baby opens up the world in all its diversity, the gulf of questions opens up before loving parents. Start hard to do what he is doing so well? Or do not put pressure on the child – let it remain fun, leisure?
And if the baby is gifted so much that this talent will not only help express itself, but also succeed in the future?
The questions are aggravated by the fact that often parents feel sorry for their own missed opportunities, undeveloped talents. There are many options: someone persistently engaged in all his childhood, but could not go to the adult level, someone, on the contrary, quit practicing, although everyone around him begged not to bury his talent. For example, the 36-year-old Tatyana danced for as long as she can remember, from 4 years old until graduation, and could well have become a professional dancer.
But she became an economist and was pleased. But the eldest daughter Tatiana aims at professional sport: for several years now the girl has made great strides in gymnastics (which cannot be said about school subjects), so the question of calling for the mother has been resolved. “My daughter is not just gifted, she really loves gymnastics and will try to make her his profession,” explains Tatiana.
It is easy to think that it is the unfulfilled desire of the mother that makes you make such decisions for the daughter.
Or another example: the family of a teacher and director of a music school, where all three children are amateur musicians. “Music is a part of culture. Doing it is a family tradition.
Our children love music, despite the fact that it is not an easy task to master this or that instrument, ”says the mother of little musicians. How many in these examples are really the wishes and abilities of children, and how much – the persistence and conviction of parents?
In fact, it is not so important. French psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Claire Carrier believes that “it is absolutely normal to imagine the future of your children and to wish them to have the same aspirations as you.”
It doesn’t matter what the child does – drawing, violin or tennis, – many have to sacrifice, and to both children and parents. You have to be ready to devote time (and significant) to money to a new occupation, money (sometimes very significant), you must give up other attractive offers and restructure plans (you will not go to your grandmother for a month).
Yes, and the mood of the child is changeable: today, the daughter wants to dance on stage, and tomorrow – stand on the podium, shaking a gold medal in swimming.
Liza’s mother knows well what she is talking about: “My daughter was studying the piano and suddenly wanted to switch to a violin. I did not like these throwings, and at first I resisted, then gave up. But after having worked for a year, Liza decided to return to the piano – while her violin teacher was pleased with her, she noted progress.
I did not know what to do. In any case, it seems to me that it is impossible to force here – you will not be forced by force.
It remains to be consoled that, perhaps, this episode made my daughter understand how she really loves the piano. ”
The coach calculates sporting inclinations immediately, because each discipline requires not only specific abilities, but also psychological preparation and even a suitable body structure. But, if a child is not suitable for future Olympic champions, this does not mean that the sport does not suit him. There are many “sparing” options, especially since some children especially need movement and it is sports that offer them a means of getting rid of excess energy, the necessary relaxation.
Claire Carrie, a formerly sporting physician, calls it “body revenge” in her books: “Premature babies or those who were nursed in the incubator, have known the“ lack of life. ” They need to get rid of, recover from this unpleasant experience of the forced immobility of their body.
So the desire to constantly move in such children is completely understandable. ”
The problem with the development of any abilities is that all small children are “too much”: they get tired too quickly, too impatient, too despair at failures. But in order to follow the path from passion to skill, patience takes a lot. Caring parents, knowing that any systematic occupation is work, nevertheless they want this to remain for the child pleasure, so that it does not become “out of order outfit”.
Finding a middle ground between joy and discipline is difficult, but possible. “Learning must necessarily be combined with play, fun,” Claire Career is sure, “otherwise children become robots, they run the risk of spoiling their psyche. We must not forget about pleasure, it is impossible to keep a child in constant tension. It is necessary to let the child feel how fascinating it is to cultivate his talent, to observe how he is revealed, how great it is to strive for new heights. ”
Of course, any parent will need the gift of persuasion here, but then the kid will work tirelessly!
Sometimes it happens that children readily cling to everything they see. Parents, in turn, cannot resist such curiosity: they write down children for different courses, buy equipment or tools and turn into “taxi drivers”, obediently carrying the child and waiting for him after school.
But, having tried both, and the other, and the third, such inquisitive kids suddenly refuse to go anywhere else, because they see only pleasure in classes, and when the slightest demands appear – they break. And parents are again immersed in the same thoughts as before … “
However, psychologists came up with a solution: when a child asks to write it down in a regular circle, agree – provided that the baby waits a little. “When an“ application ”comes in, you need to make the child suffer,“ marinate ”him – let his desire grow stronger,” says psychologist and psychotherapist Elizabeth Brami. Let the children themselves realize everything, think about their decision. Try to explain in this way: “Do you want to study the violin?
Well, but know that you need to play half an hour or an hour a day. ” If the child continues to insist after some time, then it’s time to start learning – and there already the results will speak for themselves.
“In fact, the results of a really gifted child will manifest themselves, one might say, on their own, that you cannot do anything with him,” the psychologist smiles. “But real talent can be seen only by professionals, and not by parents blinded by love. “As long as the baby’s abilities are not assessed by several teachers or the jury of any competition, it’s not worth arguing that he has a vocation,” explains Elizabeth Brami.
If you don’t have a child, but a pure diamond, you shouldn’t do it round the clock. You will help the heir to develop skills and achieve perfection, provided that you allow him to grow calmly, respecting his features and observing harmony in his life. It is no secret that the children’s body grows extremely rapidly.
And unevenly: every six months the balance between the different sides of development: physical, emotional, psychomotor, intellectual – changes. If you pay attention to only one side, it can harm all others.
Parents should maintain this balance, make sure that there is no bias – especially when it comes to sports.
Family support is certainly necessary for a child, but parents should not replace a coach, the psychologist is sure: “The duty of parents is not to demand a result from the child all the time, but to accompany him, help him in everything, and most importantly, make sure he is happy. So that the child could see his friends, play, walk, listen to music, read books — in general, he developed by age. ” It is not necessary to turn the child’s activities into a training ground, where he must prove his effectiveness and certainly succeed. “No matter how gifted children are, they should live and play like everyone else,” insists the psychologist.
Otherwise, life will become too complicated and difficult for them. And for you.
Admiring the kid, drawing the first masterpieces, it is easy to follow the dream: he will become a great artist and glorify the name Afonins to the whole world! But it’s better still to stand firmly on the ground and be prepared for the fact that after a few years, the promising, promising young artist (or tennis player) will say: “Enough with me” or “I want to change discipline.” The reasons may be many.
For example, a child feels like a black sheep and understands that he is too unlike other, “ordinary” children. Or wants to spend more time alone with yourself, with peers.
Or high demands and constant load gradually destroyed all pleasure.
Let the child not become neither a champion, nor a virtuoso, but will remain an inspired lover – is that really bad? A child’s talent is not a lifetime commitment.
And parents themselves must get rid of stereotypes and pressure from society, in which too much space is given to competition, the achievement of perfection. And, as a rule, the higher their social status, the more actively they put pressure on the child. Many parents seek to realize their ambitions with the help of the talents of the child.
There are many such examples in world sports, in movies, in music, and in other areas. Today, many parents are persistently pushing for the perfection of children, because they themselves do not have the necessary abilities.
And to stand out from the crowd they need. For example, Polina, who brings up the same age – one and a half and two and a half years – admits: “I would really like the children to be in something truly talented. This gives both inner support, self-confidence, and can provide in the future. ”
More often, of course, those whose adult accomplishments are far from what they dreamed of in childhood, whose abilities were not allowed to develop, or circumstances, or parental prohibitions, think so. We must distance ourselves from childhood grievances and adult failures and remember: we have the right to be ordinary, normal people.
It is normal to wish your children a better future, but in the end, not only geniuses and talents are happy and satisfied with life!