Our society is so progressive that it is ready to blur gender boundaries at every opportunity. Try to start a conversation with your girlfriends on the topic “Boys are tomboys, girls are good girls” and you will immediately understand that there are a lot of people who want to write daughters to nightingales-robbers. All this is the fruit of intercontinental emancipation, to which modern parents apply their hand with great enthusiasm.
But be that as it may, at the moment the development of the brain in Homo sapiens is going along rails by evolution, and so far the men from the women really differ from each other not only in appearance. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but the average indicators are taken as a guide.
They give the majority of psychologists reason to assert that boys and girls require different emotional and pedagogical investments from their parents.
Adaptation to social norms in a brother and sister is different. Boys are more aggressive and assertive. Parents who feel graduate pedagogical gurus, because their sons grow up diligently, will say that everything depends on mom and dad and the general level of discipline in the family.
But it is not. And testosterone has nothing to do with it, because it begins to be produced in high doses only in adolescence.
Nevertheless, the tendency to aggression in most boys is still inborn and is due to purely physiological reasons. They are born with greater muscular strength, which requires an exit and manifests itself, among other things, in the form of a tendency to disputes and a desire to defend their own opinion.
The situation is aggravated also because the need to actively explore the world and constantly test its boundaries is added to this feature. An increased level of aggression must be taken into account, especially when kindergarten begins.
Only not the way most parents are used to doing. After all, many begin with morals: “Do not fight!”, “Do not push!”, “Share the toy!”, “Ask for forgiveness!”, “Make your peace with him, you are friends”. To achieve the desired effect, the boys must be patiently and consistently taught to communicate politely and friendly.
And it is better for parents to have patience right away.
Girls in such matters do not need instruction. They learn good manners without outside intervention, because they better read other people’s emotions and learn to empathize faster.
And still girls easily assimilate the norms accepted in a society, therefore they are more easily accustomed to the rules of the game and changing circumstances. Boys acquisition of all these useful skills in society is difficult. After all, it is even unusual for them to look into the eyes during a conversation, which considerably complicates the task.
By the way, adults treat this “bad” habit differently, but more often as a manifestation of disrespect, cowardice, tactlessness. In fact, the boy avoids eye-to-eye contact because he is much more interested in looking around.
Remember how it is sung in a song from the famous Soviet cartoon: “He will be terribly upset if anything in the world suddenly happens without him.”
Maturation, too, is unequal, and in all respects, however, the difference is striking only when the children are small. This is due primarily to the fact that the brain in boys and girls works differently.
At first, young ladies are objectively smarter and quicker. They start talking faster, answer questions more quickly during classes, run the baton faster, learn to draw well, and so on. Such an obvious gap is explained by the fact that boys have a more developed visual-figurative thinking.
In order to learn something, it is extremely important for them to see everything with their own eyes, and ideally try to repeat it themselves.
Girls are much earlier switch to speech thinking. They are easier to master their native language and quickly grasp the essence of the words addressed to them.
It is enough for them to explain something once, so that they understand what is required of them, and do as they were asked. They also delve into the instructions faster, so they carry out the tasks first.
A single explanation is usually not enough for boys. Be prepared for the fact that the son will have to explain the task several times. Only consider this lag as a delay in development should not be.
All skills and abilities of young men are formed in a timely manner, just in other, “boyish” terms.
Take into account the different rates of development is important in everyday life. With girls in this regard, parents are very comfortable. Little hostesses learn to use a napkin more quickly, maintain cleanliness in the room, put clothes on the shelves and bypass the puddles.
The boys on all these points are losing a lot. They are often sloppy, untidy, and to top it all awkward. It is important for you to take this as a given, because purely physiologically fine motor skills also improve more slowly.
In addition, routine duties require perseverance and the ability to withstand monotonous work. And this evolutionary lot of women. Do not worry: the son will learn how to restore order, but it will take him much longer.
In the meantime, he is simply bored. Do not scold him, do not be ashamed before your sister and do not train.
Better help actively to train all these useful skills.
In the preparatory group of the kindergarten and later, in elementary school, a similar situation is observed. Because of the difference in the pace of development, boys tend to be less successful in their studies – partly because our education system is built according to the female type.
Training sessions and lessons are held according to the standard scheme: introduction, repetition of the material covered, and only then acquaintance with a new topic. Girls are at hand, because they warm up gradually.
But the boys need not only an incentive, but also the ability to immediately implement it. They are ready to accept new information immediately, without prior departures. It is not surprising that by the time when the teacher reaches the new topic, the motivation of the young men disappears.
They are just emotionally off. To help your son, try to find time to explain the material you studied at school to him at home.
And in no case do not compare the success of a brother and sister at the same age and do not make an example of a girl to follow from a girl.
Scientists say that at the time of a quarrel a man is 14 times more vulnerable than a woman. Vida, of course, does not show it, but he is under severe stress. In boys, everything happens in a similar way.
They demonstrate a much more vivid emotional response to external stimuli, be it some kind of outstanding incident or a bad mood of the mother. But a storm occurs inside them. Girls are upset and openly defiant.
True, young ladies tend to accumulate stress and worry for a long time, but because of this they quickly adapt to new circumstances. The result is that girls and women are more emotionally resilient.
Moreover, they do not really need to be overly nurtured and protected. Unlike the boys, who were initially deprived of affection and attention for fear that they would turn into hlyupikov.
But this need not be afraid. Tenderness and acceptance are needed by any child, regardless of gender.
Better give the opportunity to cry not only to the daughter, but also to the son. And one more tip: it is better to talk with boys clearly and concretely, without going into long explanations. After the third sentence, the son will no longer listen to you, so it is arranged.
And girls need to be sure to reassure, pronouncing the same thing several times, so that they survive their emotions and let them go.
Parents often resolve conflicts between heterosexual children in favor of the sister, even if she is older: “You’re a boy. You must give in. ” But this reception is dangerous.
First, such words humiliate the son as a person. Secondly, girls are faster in difficult situations.
They tritely answer “Not me!” To the natural question of adults: “Who did this?” The boy can only silently clap his eyes. Thirdly, girls are better at speaking, so it is easier for them to speak adults.
In boys, detailed answers have to be pulled out with ticks. Fourth, girls are more flexible, so their mistakes often go unnoticed.
As a result, they grow with a sense of their own exclusivity and with the conviction that they must be given up in everything. From boys, parents require more from childhood, so the fault often lies on the shoulders of a brother, not a sister.
Consider all these nuances and teach the girl from the very beginning not only to share candy with her brother, but also to respect his feelings, giving him the opportunity to express his point of view in conflict situations. To keep disagreements to a minimum, remember two things.
First, every child reacts very badly to injustice. And the second: brothers and sisters almost always start up conflicts for the sake of one goal – to get the attention of parents.
If you are used to punishing and blaming the culprit, change tactics. Regardless of gender, let the aggressor give one short comment with a recommendation on how to behave in future in such situations, and pay special attention to the victim: console him and take pity as it should.
Then both children will quickly realize that they will not achieve the desired quarrels. If you can not figure out who started a quarrel, do not look for the instigator by the old habit. Instead, recognize the need of each child, stating out loud what is happening: “Masha, you want to take a red pencil from Sasha”, “Sasha, these are your pencils, and you don’t want to give them to Masha now”.
And then, without urging them to reconcile, help them realize their desires. Give Masha a marker, and Sasha cheer: “Yes, you can decide for yourself whether to give your sister your pencils or not.”
It is also better to offer games to different children. Given the evolutionary task of men to look for new solutions and come up with fresh ideas, give your son as much food for the mind as possible. So you will stimulate creativity and the ability to look for non-standard outlets, which ultimately lead to great discoveries.
Offer the boy designers, play together in watchmakers and repairmen. And do not give him ready answers.
Let him offer his options. When reading a fairy tale, more often ask: “What would you do in this situation?”, “What do you think will happen next?” And on the street provoke: “What does the color of this car look like?”
Plus, they have a very good memory and they can empathize, so with them philosophical conversations and a detailed analysis of the plot and characters will be very fruitful.