Bad examples are a great educational device. But using them is always more difficult than patterns of positive behavior. With the good, as a rule, everything is clear – they are unambiguous, there is either a direct connection between action and benefit, or between action and the reaction of others. “What a great job!” We say, seeing how several people, having thrown things, help the cat to get off the tree.
And we do not need to explain anything. A child who observes the scene of salvation has learned, thanks to his emotions, that it is worth being attentive and not indifferent to the smaller brothers.
A negative example for perception and understanding is more difficult, so children need to explain the essence of what is happening. The child himself cannot imagine the events in their probable development, trace the connection and assess the severity of the problem. And this is exactly what is needed for a bad example to have a positive effect.
The perception of children emotionally, they can react to certain moments that were impressive to them, quite possibly insignificant – and not think about what this will lead to. “Wow! – the boy of five years old shouts admiringly, – the car rushed past us like a space rocket! I didn’t even consider the color! ”If at this moment one can do without explanations – just say:“ No, this is impossible ”- then the child will remember his delight the most.
The man in the car will be a hero for him, contempt for the norms will be courage, and the parents’ intention to go at the speed indicated on the signs will be excessive caution and weakness. So as soon as possible it is worthwhile to tell all that you know about the drivers of “rockets”, their behavior and consequences. Of course, avoiding particularly dark examples and carefully selecting characteristics.
So that emotions from unusualness and brightness of an act give way to an awareness of its essence. Baby bad examples also need clarification. Especially since the decision to adopt this behavior or not, the child can implement it right there.
Arguments should be selected according to the age of the child.
… get sick, hurt yourself, it will be bad. The idea of danger, the fear for oneself should be already three years old. Bad examples for cultivating a normal sense of self-preservation turn out to be very helpful – as an excuse to talk about what you should not do.
Of course, it is not necessary to wait for the “bad” boy to tease someone else’s dog in reality. You can see this in a book or movie, you can draw it, you can say that this is exactly what you met today.
Moderately, but still clearly, express your emotions about this, say why you do not welcome this occupation. Of course, there will be a question: “And why does he (she, they) do that?” – and he also needs to be answered convincingly: “They don’t know what to do,” “No one is watching them now,” “You are weaker” .
One correct option is not, we must look at the situation. It is also important not to cross the line between bullying and fostering a healthy sense of self-preservation.
After all, we often want to be safe (“Let him be frightened, but certainly he won’t climb to any dogs”).
Anxiety develops faster in children of the impressionable, vulnerable, and it concerns not only their own life and health, but flows into all areas of life – communication, activities. Strong, resilient natures do not react so quickly and noticeably (sometimes it may even seem that they don’t care: “I’ve spoken so many times, I’m not afraid of anything”), but then it’s these children who become hypochondriacs – they overly monitor their health, concentrate on any deviations in the body, focus their concerns on this. And adults, having understood the power of the argument “will be bad”, use it too actively.
Of course, we need to have a good idea of how our “do not do this, or else” will affect this or that child. “And, of course, along with care, common sense is needed – to separate the really dangerous things from those that we simply don’t like.
“You’re more mature, smarter, better, so you shouldn’t do that.” This cunning device is designed for older children, from the age of five, – their self-assessment differentiates and becomes more complex, and they value their older opinion more about themselves. Acts for sure – who wants to feel small and silly?
Moreover, the warning contains a compliment, praise, instantly increases the sense of importance and allows you to smooth out negative emotions from the fact that something was not done. “You are a normal educated girl, not like them,” says the mother to her daughter, pointing at the children jumping under the jets of the fountain. The girl stays close, sits quietly on the bench, no longer asks questions. He peers at the children – how they laugh, push each other and squeeze clothes on themselves, but as soon as they feel envy, they think: “But I’m not like that, I’ve been educated.”
If parents of this kind of explanation are often used primarily, then the method of response is fixed. And it applies not only to cases when it is necessary to choose whether to do something or not, but also to situations of losses, mistakes, problems in studies or communication. Comparing himself, the child does not focus on those who are better and more successful, but, on the contrary, on those who were not very good at something.
Compared to them, he always wins: “But then I am better than Vasya.” This becomes a serious problem in adulthood, but even in a preschooler, the development of abilities can be inhibited due to such an attitude.
There are situations when the explanation “you are not that kind” is even necessary. This is the observation of antisocial behavior, indecent and unacceptable from the point of view of the majority of people actions. “Yes, there are people who say such words, do such things. Nothing to do with it.
But we and our loved ones do not do that. ” In all other cases, the comparison “you are better” is not very justified.
This explanation is for very adults – those who are soon in school. Reception is good – teaches the child to independence.
After all, in the end, this is the goal of our upbringing – to teach children to understand for themselves what is good and what is bad, what example should be adopted, and which one should be neglected. “Think for yourself” is not only parting words, but also recognition of adulthood. However, if you resort to such an explanation too early, persistently and emotionally, then this causes not a desire for independence, but, on the contrary, dependence, uncertainty.
The child, instead of choosing the way of his behavior, thinks how the parents will react to this, whether they will be satisfied or not.
The perception of children, even of primary school age, remains emotional. Rely on the fact that they really will be guided by the rules, norms, not worth it.
Personal experience in children, of course, is not enough. Therefore, saying “think for yourself”, we have to tell in detail, in detail for a long time what can happen in either case.
Patiently, unobtrusively and very benevolently. And condescendingly treat, if the child makes the wrong choice, guided by a bad example.
It’s okay if, even in elementary school, a child explains his actions “everyone did that, that’s me.” This does not prevent him from making adult decisions in the future.
And now our task is to help it learn.