This year, one of the most respected Russian children psychologists Julia Borisovna Gippenreiter turned 87 years old, and she has accumulated enough literary baggage. Experimental psychology, systemic family psychotherapy, neuro-linguistic programming – only the names of the areas of its activity sound so dry and scientific.
Her books are completely different, no wonder many were included in the category of bestsellers. Books, really exciting for all who are interested in the main character – a child.
They have a lot of concrete, practical, simple and, most importantly, working tips for parents. And also – thoughts, conclusions, substantiations and explanations.
“Communicate with the child. How? “,” We have different characters … How to be? “,” Parents: how to be a child “,” Psychological games and activities with children. “
- “But it’s worth remembering that by systematically protecting children from danger, we may put them at even greater risk because we deprive them of responsibility for their actions.”
- “Come up with several activities with a child or several family affairs, traditions that will create a zone of joy. Make some of these activities or activities regular, so that the child will wait for them and know that they will come, unless he does something very bad. Cancel them only if there was a misdemeanor, really tangible, and you are really upset. However, do not threaten their cancellation on trifles. The zone of joy is the “golden fund” of your life with a child. At the same time, it is a zone of proximal development, and the basis of your benevolent communication with it, and a pledge of conflict-free discipline. ”
- “Treat your son up to 5 years old as a king, up to 12 years old – like a servant, and after 12 years old – like a friend.”
- “The personality and abilities of the child develop only in the activities in which he is engaged on his own will and with interest.”
What is the secret of the popularity of the books of the psychologist Petranovskaya? Perhaps, in that she began as the author of books for children.
The peculiarity and value of the books of this author, perhaps, lies in the fact that Petranovskaya, before recommending how parents should act in a given situation, explains in detail, based on the age of the child, what he experiences and what happens to his physiology at that time . This meticulous explanation allows parents to better understand the child and gives confidence in the correctness of their actions.
“The secret support: affection in the life of a child”, “If it is difficult with a child”, “What to do if. “
- “It seems to us that the one who is hardened by adversity from childhood will be better able to cope with them later. This is not true. Studies show that those who have a happy childhood and a prosperous family are better at coping with difficulties. ”
- “The one to whom the child is tied consoles and gives him strength simply by the fact of his presence. Whether the family lives in a luxurious mansion or in slums, in the metropolis or in the jungle, whether it lives like all families around or is very different from the social norm – the child doesn’t care. Parents are there, they are near, they look at me with love, they respond to my crying – everything is in order. There may be an economic crisis, global warming, a flu epidemic, flood or war – if the parents themselves are in order, if they are not separated from the child for too long and look confident and calm enough, they feel good. Because the child’s well-being does not depend on the conditions in which he lives, but on the relationship in which he is located. ”
- “A child’s willingness to obey is determined not by notations and teachings, not punishments and prizes, but the quality of affection. The more reliable the relationship with the parents, the more they are for the child “their own”, the more natural it is for him to obey them, and strangers – no, at least until their own approve of their instructions. “
- “The child’s psyche has a margin of safety; in stress, it retains the ability to be flexible and inventive, they seek help and are able to console themselves. And those who got sick as a child and were forced to cope with fear and pain without the help of their parents, on the contrary, extremely acutely react to stress, fall into either aggression or despair. ”
She is one of those who prepared the Convention on the Rights of the Child. And also French psychoanalyst, pediatrician Dolto was engaged in child psychoanalysis, for the first time introduced the concept of “unconscious body image”, spoke on the radio, at scientific seminars, wrote books. And she did all this in order to protect the child in the world of adults.
A whole generation of French children was raised on the ideas of Dolto, and today its methods are being rediscovered.
Popular books: “On the side of the child”, “On the side of the teenager”, “The reserved world of childhood”.
- “On their way to school, villagers kept a certain amount of initiative, met different people, made up niches and games for themselves. Now they are all gathered together and deprived of contact with nature and the lives of adults. The path to the school turns into a bus, door-to-door. A child is equal to a package, he has no time to watch, no time to gaze around. ”
- “Disease is a way to express something. When a person can not express it in words, then the disease takes the word “.
- “The child can be inoculated with a real immunity against the dangers threatening his mental integrity, only the experience of risk can.”
- “One cannot say that being a mathematician is a sign of intelligence. The mind is the unity of the heart, magnanimity, striving for authenticity, inherent in man from birth. ”
- “Children’s psychotherapists are everywhere, they manipulate children, and return them to the team, and re-educate them. instead of allowing the child to be himself and to decide in relation to his environment, instead of strengthening his faith in himself and his taste for life. ”
- “It would be necessary to insist on the role of the family in early, childhood and wider opening the doors of the house during the period of adolescence – a period when parents, more than all others, are powerless to help the child survive it.”
These spouses know what they are writing about, because they have experienced and tested a lot literally on themselves. American pediatrician, TV host, author of books William Penton Sears and his wife, nurse nurse Martha are not just parents, but father and mother of eight children!
And one of them – with Down syndrome, and one girl – the reception. And they are apologists of the philosophy of natural parenthood, which originated and with their help also in the middle of the last century.
The longest connection with parents and mother, in particular, feeding on demand, sleeping in a common bed, a sling – all this is from the commandments of educating Sears.
Popular books: “Your baby from birth to two years old”, “Waiting for a baby”, “Raising a child from birth to 10 years old”.
- “It’s not surprising that 50–75% of all pregnant women develop depression to some extent (if men gave birth and fed children, this figure would be 100%).”
- “A child in a year and a half should become independent.”
- “The process of raising a child, especially a difficult child, brings out the best and the worst in the parents themselves. They themselves are faced with the need to act as exemplary adults, the way they want to raise their children. So, raising your child, you educate yourself at the same time. ”
- “Teaching discipline does not mean imposing something, it means changing a child from the inside. The baby, which is good, often behaves well; his actions are controlled by internal installations, and not by coercion from outside. ”
- “Please remember that a child’s attitude towards him is good, and not things purchased for him.”
- “Parents should say no to the child, so that later the child can say no to himself.”
- “To prevent possible damage to the eggs, women should always protect the abdomen and pelvis during X-ray examination (for men it is not so important, because the new sperm is constantly being produced; the girl in her infancy already has all the eggs that she will produce during her life)” .
A brilliant engineer, officer of the Japanese fleet, one of the founders of the Sony Corporation. And – the pioneer methods of early child development.
His main book is called “After three is already late”, and in the title is the essence of the method. Ibuka believed that it was easier for a child to be three years old than to teach foreign languages, playing musical instruments, drawing, swimming, than at a later age.
Scientists from all over the world from the Japanese Association for Early Development, created by him, after analyzing a lot of research, came to the conclusion that human brain cells by the age of three, by 70–80%, really complete their development.
Popular books: “After three is already late”, “After three is too late. A short version for dads.
- “Dr. Shinichi Suzuki once said:“ When you come home, put your children in front of you and look at their faces – you will read the whole history of your marital relationship. ” I will never forget these words. It is not necessary to do anything special to promote the early development of your child. The best thing to start with is to create a harmonious relationship between a husband and wife and a pleasant psychological atmosphere at home. ”
- “When a child cries, it means that he is asking for something, and leaving his request unanswered means depriving him from the very beginning of communication.”
- “Children consider the right thing to be interesting, and uninteresting – wrong.”
- “This sense of ownership of your child is very common. It is the reason that the will of the child is ignored. If a child learns such an attitude toward himself, before his own will develops, he can then all his life doubt his own abilities. Not the parents, but the child himself is the master of his future. ”
- “No child is born a genius, and no one is a fool. It all depends on the stimulation and degree of development of the brain in the decisive years of the child’s life. These are years from birth to the age of three. It’s too late to bring up in kindergarten. ”
- “Sometimes a house where there is a small child is striking in its cleanliness and order. Usually the guest makes a compliment to the mother, who keeps the house in this order and has time to look after the child. Indeed, child care from morning to night leaves neither time nor energy to maintain cleanliness in the house. It would be a shock for a mother to learn that her good faith in running the house is interfering with the creative development of her child. ”
The greatest humanist, a real man, not in words, but in deed embodied this high rank. A Polish doctor, teacher, writer, Korczak was among the first to introduce an innovative system of children’s self-government for his time, which he embodied in orphanages. But the main principle of his educational system remained and remains universal for all times and all people: the teacher must love his students.
During World War II, when his young pupils were led to the gas chamber, Korczak had the opportunity to avoid it, but refused, accepting death with them.
Popular books: “How to love a child”, “Not serious pedagogy”, “Respect for the child.”
- “You have to be careful not to confuse“ good ”with“ convenient ”. Crying a little, does not wake at night, trusting, obedient – good. Moody, screaming for no apparent reason, the mother of the world because of him does not see – bad. “
- “It doesn’t concern me, whether anyone is small or big and what others say about him: handsome, ugly, smart, stupid; I don’t even care if I study well or worse or better; girl or boy For me, a person is good if he treats people well, if he does not wish and does not do evil, if he is kind. ”
- “Everything that is achieved by training, pressure, violence is fragile, wrong and unreliable.”
- “Modern education requires a child to be comfortable. Step by step, it leads to neutralizing it, crushing it, destroying everything that is the will and freedom of the child, hardening his spirit, the strength of his demands and aspirations. ”
- “There are no children — there are people, but with a different scale of concepts, a different store of experience, different drives, a different play of feelings.”
- “The beggar disposes of alms as he pleases, and the child has nothing of his own, he must account for each gift received for personal use of the object. You can not break, break, dirty, you can not donate, you can not with disdain rejected. The child must accept and be pleased. Everything at the appointed time and place, prudent and according to purpose. Perhaps that is why he so appreciates the worthless trifles that cause us surprise and pity: different trash is the only truly property and wealth – lace, boxes, beads. ”
Many people know the works of the Soviet and Russian psychologist, anthropologist, philosopher Igor Kon on sexology, but he wrote no less books on education. Main topics: child and society and gender studies. Among the parents of boys, the book “The boy is the father of a man” is especially loved, where he offers his theory of “boyhood as a sociocultural project”, giving readers the opportunity to draw conclusions and act on its basis.
Kona is loved not only for unobtrusive help and advice, not only for strong views and upholding them throughout his life, but also for the ease of syllables, for the fact that his scientific works are read as bestsellers.
Popular books: “The boy is the father of a man”, “To beat or not to beat”, “The psychology of early adolescence”.
- “If you ask a man what he feels, he will most likely tell you what he thinks, many boys do not even notice the difference between these questions. This makes it difficult for men to self-reveal and impoverishes their human relationships, including love and fatherly ones. ”
- “Do not teach him to differ from women. First, he is already different from them. Secondly, “not to be a girl” will surely and toughly, even against your will, be taught by peers. Why do you sing in this loud but voiceless choir? Parents are unique and must be soloists. ”
- “Do not teach the boy, following the example of noble knights and vile rapists, to treat a woman from a position of strength. Being a knight is beautiful, but if your boy turns out to be in a relationship with a woman who does not lead, but is led or faces unfair competition on her part, this will be trauma to him. It is more reasonable to see in the “woman in general” an equal partner and a potential friend, and to build relationships with specific girls individually, depending on their roles and desires. “
- “The fact that the main figure of child development is the mother gives girls a significant advantage. On the contrary, the necessary conditions for the formation of male identity are separation from the mother, separation and individualization. But if masculinity is formed and determined through isolation, and femininity through unity, then the male gender identity is most threatened by fusion, and female identity is threatened by isolation. It’s not for nothing that men more often have difficulties in building relationships, and in women – with the processes of individualization, and both of them are laid in early childhood. ”