The first three years of the baby’s life parents have great authority in his eyes only due to circumstances. During this period they are the inhabitants of heaven.
And the crumb a priori considers all their actions to be correct. But after 3 years, the authority of the father and mother begins to be tested for strength. Successfully “pass exams” can be subject to two rules.
First: you need to communicate with the child at least an hour a day. And if this is not possible, then spend the weekend together.
Mom is easier to maintain their authority, because they usually spend a lot of time together. But she, between numerous matters and concerns, should carefully listen to the baby and answer his questions.
Dad, who is constantly out of the house, is more difficult to gain authority. If he does not find time for joint games, even mother’s stories about how much he works to buy toys will not help. The second condition: the baby should be interested in the company of parents.
Each family member will have their own ways to attract the attention of the child. Mom can read fairy tales, dad can ride a baby on a bicycle, grandfather can take mushrooms to the forest, and grandmother can learn to swim.
Gender roles do not have to comply. Dad who washes floors is a great example to follow.
The most important thing is that adults themselves feel comfortable in their role and not reproach each other for the lack of any skills.
An “authoritative” adult can easily influence a child. The kid always listens to him, tries to help, advises. In such a relationship, it is easy to explain “what is good and what is bad,” accustom to the regime and rules of etiquette.
If the authority of the father and mother did not stand the test of strength, the crumb will not obey them voluntarily. He will ignore all requests, including those on whose fulfillment his health depends.
Compliance with the regime of the day will turn into a problem, the child will not want to brush his teeth or go to bed. So that he doesn’t do any harm to himself, parents in such a situation use the tactic of “carrot and stick”.
And then, without threats or coaxing, the grown-up child will not even follow the elementary rules.
Sometimes parents hit the other extreme and begin to abuse authority. Using the confidence of the child, they impose their interests and views on him. The authority imperceptibly develops into authoritarianism.
Even as adults, the children of such fathers and mothers do not want or simply do not know how to make decisions on their own. To avoid this, we must recognize the right of the child to their own opinion. To begin with, give the kid the opportunity to show independence in solving some minor issues, for example, let him choose a toothbrush.
In the end, even if he chooses a model for adults, nothing terrible will happen. After a couple of days, he himself will refuse her, because he will be uncomfortable.
Gradually expand the circle of trust. And let him invent what to give his mother for his birthday, when to call a friend or from what plate he is.
But if the crumbs want to still consult with their parents, be attentive to his request.
Psychologists are talking about the emergence of an alarming trend: more and more often babysitter becomes an authority on children. Mom and dad are so rarely at home and so little attention is paid to the child that he simply does not have the opportunity to evaluate their merits.
Parents can help each other gain authority with the child. For dad, it’s enough to praise mother’s dinners, and mom thanks dad for the rubbish and shopping.
The authority of the parents will falter if they quarrel or argue with the child.