Anxiety for the child appears long before his birth. Most women report the appearance of previously unusual anxiety from the second to the third month of pregnancy. These are all hormones, doctors say and recommend relaxing exercises, walks in the fresh air and more positive thoughts.
And this, of course, helps, because it contributes to the overall strengthening of the body. But to become absolutely calm and carefree, you still can not. Raising anxiety is a natural design.
So it is necessary for the survival of offspring. A woman who is ready to become a mother should, from the point of view of nature, think more not about the good, but about the bad. To foresee everything, to provide and fix it in time.
To do everything possible to ensure that the child is good and he was able to grow and develop normally. “But this is an atavism,” you say, “in the present conditions, it is possible and not to worry. Everybody has the minimum conditions for life. ”
In fact, nature is more prudent than we think. Apparently she also thought about the social conditions (and that it is also worth taking care of this). How else to explain such situations, when, being in the third month of pregnancy, a woman jumps up in the middle of the night from the thought that in the army in 18 years, they might take girls too?
Or when parents, looking at a photo with an ultrasound scan, are seriously arguing about which sport for him (the child, because the floor has not yet been determined) will be the least traumatic? When the future mother, who has always been against official relations, suddenly feels that she wants the very hated passport stamp?
No, from now on, parents should think about everything related to the child. About his health, safety, convenience, comfort.
About his present and future. And, of course, give it all to him.
“The first year of a child’s life is alarming for everyone. Then everything comes back to normal. “
So my mom told me, but I don’t feel anything about it. According to my feelings, the older, the more problems and experiences. Son is now three years old.
What about the fact that he went to kindergarten? I always think about how he is there.
Maybe she didn’t have time to eat, but the teacher didn’t notice? Maybe slipped in the toilet, hit and was afraid to say? Maybe … But you never know what can happen!
Today, on TV, they showed that in one kindergarten a child fell into a snow slide. Well, that noticed. ” Of course, our worries now are not just manifestations of caring for children.
Modern living conditions are themselves a source of concern. Large cities and the constant migration of the population, a growing number of transport, epidemics of previously unknown diseases, terrorism, drug addiction are a reality in which modern people live. This is what he is paying for progress.
And there is a TV and the Internet. Whether you like it or not, you still know everything. And even if you long ago decided not to watch programs like “The Most Terrible and Terrible” and “Incredible Crimes”, your neighbor will see them.
And then he will tell you. In general, the information can not hide and hide. And at the same time, she does not leave us anywhere.
So it settles in the subconscious. And exactly that we are trying to forget with all our might.
Naturally, in people who are parents, anxiety is mostly directed at children. And to separate the normal anxiety for the child from the neurotic is simply impossible. Here is a child sitting in a sandbox with other children.
It would seem, look and rejoice. But who knows where this sand comes from and what was it brought to? Recently it was said that children’s toys in the car were transported from under the poisonous substances.
And these children … Are they all healthy? The house has a thousand apartments – who knows what kind of people live. On the one hand, you need to work more, otherwise in three years a decent place cannot be found.
On the other hand, how to find a normal babysitter? Maybe her psyche is unbalanced or, on the contrary, so calm that it does not even respond to crying.
Maybe it’s just us that smiles, and screams at the child with indecent words. And it also happens … They recently showed …
Anxiety is a hard thing. First, emotionally. And you understand that you need to calm down, and still continue to think about possible troubles. “When a child is not around, I just turn into a bundle of nerves.
And it does not matter where he is and with whom. He went with his grandmother, went with his husband to the dacha, my mom took him to the pool – I don’t care. Immediately into my head all sorts of scary stories.
I know that all my close people in charge are wearing seat belts in the car, they don’t cross the street with red light, they don’t enter into arguments with strangers, but I still think … I just don’t find a place for myself. I call fifty times. Then I start to scold myself.
You can not cheat yourself like that! Besides, they say that the more you think about the unpleasant, the more likely it is to happen.
But … I can’t do anything. Until the child is home, until I embrace him, I will not rest. ”
This condition is already a manifestation of neurosis, a functional disorder of the nervous system. But once in a while it worsens mental well-being. A person becomes irritable and, during normal (outside sources of anxiety) time, gets tired, gets tired, reacts more sharply to any stresses.
Then there is insomnia, headache, a feeling of constant tension. Anxious people often have strange dreams – and this is another cause for alarm (“This is a bad dream, probably something will happen”).
Being in this state, it is very difficult to communicate normally with the child. There is no feeling of happiness and joy “here and now.”
It is also not easy for a child of anxious parents. After all, trying to protect him from everything that can happen, his parents are depriving him of much.
On the street, at home, in communication with peers and in the study of the surrounding world – always and everywhere there will be public and tacit prohibitions. Some things remain unknown.
Virtually for life. After all, if the child is also obedient and quiet in nature, then he will have no sense of contradiction. They said “no” means no.
And the problem of anxious parents (or rather, it will also be a problem for their children) – increased anxiety in the future. Anxiety mom, dad passed to the child.
He assimilates it even at that age when he does not yet know the words “danger,” “fear.” Because anxiety is a very strong emotion. It tends to spread around the one who is experiencing it.
You go to the crib of the child, thinking about his condition – he catches your restless eyes, changed voice. You hold it to yourself, passing by a crowd of people – your heartbeat, the humidity of your hand, is transmitted to it. When a child grows up, mothers are surprised that he “inherited” her fears. “I have always been afraid of dogs, and he is afraid,” “I cannot stand heights and elevators, and he always worries.”
No wonder. Just a child lived with your anxieties since birth.
He is like his family.
It is said that the best way to cope with anxiety about children is to have more. Mothers of many children have such a joke.
If your first baby’s nipple fell, you need to boil it thoroughly. If the second – just lick.
And let the third one take it away from the dog. Jokes are jokes, and pediatricians and psychologists confirm that there is a connection between the number of children and the emotional state of the mother. True, it is not known what influences what is stronger.
Perhaps the calmer moms initially tend to have more children. And perhaps each subsequent child changes attitudes towards education and health. Or maybe when there are several children, there is simply no time to think about everything.
Therefore, mother thinks only about the most important thing. About what is real. Everything else disappears by itself.
If you don’t have such a way (having many children) to cope with anxiety, then you will have to learn how to separate the main from the secondary independently. Do not fight with anxiety, do not drive it away from you, do not try to suppress disturbing thoughts.
Immediately divide it into parts – rational and useless. Moreover, the rational part must always be allocated – even if your anxieties seem to you to be just fantasies.
Then explain to yourself why it bothers you, and do everything to reduce the danger of the situation. Or talk to yourself about everything you’ve done. And in order to get rid of useless anxiety, from feeling that the world itself is a very dangerous place, entrust your child to Destiny.
Agree that she will love, protect and protect your child, help him always, no matter what happens. This is one of the most ancient practices of mankind. So coped with the anxiety for the children of the mother at the dawn of humanity, and no one has yet come up with anything better.
Rites of all nations are designed to protect the child with the help of higher powers. This gives parents a basic confidence, a sense of harmony at the psycho-physiological level.
When you are away. One of the most disturbing situations is when it is not possible to contact immediately.
Why is the phone unavailable? Why so long busy?
Where do they go so long? The flow of thoughts can lead to panic.
Start walking. Perhaps others tell you: “Sit down and calm down.” But it is better, on the contrary, to move.
First, the internal voltage needs an outlet. Secondly, walking helps streamline thoughts.
They are attached to the rhythm of the steps. That is, walking back and forth, we can regulate our state of mind.
When you watch the terrible news. And goosebumps on the back, and it is impossible to switch.
Terrible reality has the ability to subdue attention. A terrible reality with the participation of children simply enters into a stupor. Anxiety does not occur immediately, after the hang has passed.
Of course, there is also something rational in the information, and it must be separated. But, so that there would be no anxiety, try not to be a psychological witness. Do not turn on emotionally, look at what is happening a little from the outside.
Imagine how such transfers are made. As if to attract attention like this, the whole team selects the most heartfelt words, the most terrible stories.
Sometimes anxiety arises without apparent reason. The reasons, most likely, are – unconscious associations, memories, but you should not look for them.
Just imagine the other moms. Someone is also at home with children, someone is away. But they too worry about their children, they all also have periods of great anxiety.
Consciousness of such unity in itself calms, gives anxiety the validity. But you can additionally make sure that you are not alone.
Call any of your girlfriends or relatives and tell them about your concerns. Hear what they experienced is not so.
And they also considered their experiences as maternal forebodings and began to look for various problems for the child. And that everything, after all, was good.