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Anger Management

Anger Management

  • The best way to direct a child’s aggression in a positive direction is to take his work. Sports loads are especially effective: walking, swimming, cycling, gymnastics, team sports.
  • If you see that the child is tired and began to act up, do not worry him with unnecessary talk and remarks. Quickly “feed and sleep lay.” Having rested, he himself will be able to cope with his anger.
  • If the baby is going to have an important event (going to a new place, meeting the children, a trip), tell us what difficulties you might encounter on your way and how to overcome them. Warn that in difficult situations, he turned to you for help. Do not be afraid to grow a “greenhouse plant” in this way – gradually the child will get stronger psychologically and will cope with difficulties himself. But the realization that you will always come to the rescue will instill confidence in him.
  • When a child begins to behave aggressively, warn him that no one likes to communicate with irritable people and, if he does not change his behavior, he will have to leave (from the playground, from the room). If the child continues to “cling”, take him away, despite the screams. If the child promises you that he will stop swearing and fighting, give him a chance, but if he breaks the floor, be unshakable and take him away until the next time.

A kindergarten teacher says that my Kostya behaves extremely aggressively: beats, calls names and even bites other children! I feel ashamed and embarrassed by this.

Mother Kostya, 2 years 8 months

Psychologist comment
A two-, three-year-old child can be compared with a ship without a rudder and sail: he is completely at the mercy of his emotions, desires, impulses. The kid saw a beautiful object and immediately rushing without hesitation to take it. Or someone offended the crumb – the child cries loudly, violently defends himself, fights.

The kid himself sometimes does not understand why he committed one or another act: he wanted to – and did. And to explain the cause of the act, especially to analyze their behavior, for a small child is a difficult task. But learning to understand your feelings and controlling their child is necessary.

And this is the educational task of the parents. However, the mother must remember that you do not need to be angry with the child for his immediacy and incontinence, because the baby behaves too emotionally not to spite the parents, but from an excess of feelings and impressions.

Agree, and sometimes it is difficult for adults to “hold in their hands”, what can we say about the child.

Anger Management

My youngest daughter is a charming creature with big blue eyes and long pigtails. All my friends exclaim: “What an angel!”, Not knowing that in fact our Marusya is the storm of the yard. She even fights with older boys!

It worries me a lot, because no one wants to be friends with Masha. But I do not know how to explain to a small child that it is impossible to throw themselves into a fight, even if you have taken away your favorite toy.

Masha’s mother is 3.5 years old

Psychologist’s comment. First of all, the child must clearly know what is possible and what is not. Parents should, from an early age, outline a clear frame for the child, denoting the boundaries for which it is forbidden to go.

After all, a small child still does not know the rules of behavior in society. But how well and quickly he learns and masters these rules will depend on how easily the child joins the society, will be able to contact with the children, build friendships. And nevertheless, at first, the child must clearly understand that “you can’t fight, bite, call names”, “you can’t pick out other people’s toys”.

The baby should hear these phrases from the mother as soon as she starts walking to the playground. Of course, it is unlikely that the child will strictly observe these rules, because for him they are simple only in words, but not in deeds.

However, in any case (even in the situation of “deviations from the rules”), the baby will understand that he acted badly. And this is a step towards success.

Anger Management

Sometimes my eldest son becomes completely unreasonably angry and annoyed with me, other children, and his younger brother. He is naughty, mischievous, can shout, scatter toys.

And all because of some trifle, which at another time did not even pay attention. I do not understand what can explain these strange attacks of aggression?

mother of 3-year-old Yaroslav

Psychologist’s comment Without a reason nothing ever happens. Everything has a logical connection.

Another thing is that this relationship may not always be clear to us. If it seemed to you that the child got angry unreasonably and cannot (or does not want) to explain the reason for his action to you, try to remember and analyze when and how the child’s behavior changed. And not only in this particular situation, but in general: after the birth of the younger brother, after the release of the mother to work from the maternity leave, after the move, etc.
Often violent bursts of anger – a sign of jealousy, when the baby feels a lack of parental attention. Sometimes a child may be jealous of his mother (or father) not only to other children in the family, but also to adult relatives, whom his mother pays a lot of time. The task of the parents is not to scold the child, but to try to help: try to caress the baby more often, praise him, tell him about his love, take him in his hands more often, and not move away and drive him away.

Mom should try to unite the child and other family members, involve the elder in joint affairs, in caring for the younger ones. The most important thing is that every child should feel needed, loved, indispensable, and then the feeling of competition, which generates jealousy, will disappear by itself.

My youngest daughter is very vulnerable and easily excitable, but at the same time she is by nature very kind and affectionate. But sometimes she finds something, and Eve looks like a little puffing kettle, from which boiling water spills out.

mother of 3 years old Eva

Psychologist’s commentary In nervous children, attacks of unexpected aggression speak about experienced fears. For example, the kid was afraid of the upcoming vaccination all day, and after a while this “nervousness” resulted in a “causeless” outburst of anger: the child for no reason angry at his mother for a machine of a different color bought. However, the child should not be scolded.

And to say to him “You are evil, bad, ugly” and it is impossible to use other similar epithets, otherwise, sooner or later, the child will really believe that he is bad and incorrigible. The kid has already experienced a stressful situation for him, so there is no need to aggravate the picture.

Calmly tell the child that you sympathize with him, because he has survived a difficult day today, but this is not a reason for whims. And if the baby does not let up, continues to get angry over trifles, swear, leave him alone for a while (take him away from the playground, or just silently walk beside him) so that the child calms down and ponders his behavior. A child from an early age should clearly understand that it is impossible to tear his personal troubles on others.

Otherwise, he will be deprived of intercourse until he pulls himself together. But try not to annoy the important days of the child, give more to him, try to calm and instill a sense of confidence, security, support.

The easier it will endure stress, the less will be the risk of an attack of aggression.

In fact, remembering the simple rules about the inadmissibility of assault, bad language and expressions of greed is not so difficult, but … hard to do.

Anger Management

My three-year-old son struggles to contain his emotions and sometimes behaves very aggressively. When he does not get what he wants, he throws everything that comes to hand, and even beats the dog!

At the same time, he is a kind and cute kid, he will never hurt a fly. But lately, when he hears the words of refusal, he begins to react inadequately sharply.

Nikita’s mother, 2 years 10 months

Psychologist’s comment Three years is the first “transitional” age, when a child begins to “show character”, to show active disobedience. There is a reason for this: the baby has just learned to control his own body, has ceased to be afraid of the unknown, and then a new barrier appeared on his way – parental prohibitions! Of course, the child is angry.

A crumb can begin to swear, stomp their feet, cry, just to get their way. But parents should not succumb to provocation.

If the mother forbids something, she must be consistent, otherwise the child will be strengthened in the idea that with the tears or fists you can achieve the desired result. Mom’s “no” should be firm, and the child should know about it.

But in exceptional cases, of course, the mother must be condescending: for example, the baby got into a fight because he stood up for the weak — this is a laudable act, although the child violated the ban on assault. However, this situation is rather an exception, only confirming the rule.

Parents should clearly understand that if they have prohibited something today, they should not allow it tomorrow.

Igorek is a late child, and perhaps we spoiled him a little. He is heavily involved in a new society, in a new children’s company.

He immediately tries to “build” everyone, to lead other children, and when he is not listened, he throws himself into a fight. Recently, I began to fight even with me and with my father, if he does not like something.

My explanations that it is impossible to behave this way do not help.

mother of 3.5-year-old Igor

Psychologist’s comment At this age, the baby already understands everything that his mother tells him. He simply does not want to change the line of his behavior – this explains his “incomprehension”. Although the child is only 3.5 years old, he is already trying to manipulate his parents and other children.

But at a very primitive level – the level of force. He wants to be a leader in the company, wants to dominate the family. However, the child must learn that parents can never be beaten.

This should be strictly prohibited! Explain to the child that the leader is not the one who suppresses everyone, imposes his will on everyone who wants to run without looking back, because he puts on the cuffs.

A leader is a person who can unite people around him, interest them, entice, reconcile, win universal respect, a person who is ready to help everyone, protect the weak and support the stumbled. A leader is a spiritually strong person, not just a masterful fighter.

Perhaps the child has a similar “leadership” potential, but he simply does not know how to realize it.

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