Unduly. The child, even the smallest, needs to explain everything correctly, as it is. Any children can obey adults, and success depends only on your ability to convince. So consider parents intelligent … no, in fact, just calm, children.
Not very persistent, inelastic. Those who say that a puddle for children is not a toy – and they immediately move away from it. Not a toy so not a toy.
Yes, there are such children. But this is not the merit of the parents and not their special pedagogical gift. These are features of the nervous system and the character that is being formed on its basis.
The child seems more conscious, more adult. Not only does he not oppose elders himself, so can other children give advice. “Why don’t you listen to your mother? She knows better what is possible and what is not. ”
Well, right balm on the parental heart such reasoning. Only now, not all children are.
Most of them just do not give up. If they conceived to investigate it from the puddle, they will not depart – no matter how convincing their parents are about the importance of clean and harmful cold and dirty water. No, it will need something much more effective.
Something that will deprive the desire to enter into a puddle sharply and unequivocally, albeit briefly. “Don’t you know that you can get sick from such water ?! And what will the doctor then do the injections ?! ”Yes, this is bad – so threaten the doctor. This is a manipulation.
But sometimes this is the only way to distract the child from what is undesirable and really dangerous (albeit not to such an extent). Therefore, most parents answer the question “justifiably” positively.
“We are a military family, and until Polina turned six, we constantly moved. Of course, in each apartment there was not a completely safe place, where boxes and boxes, pieces of furniture, and glass lay.
Approach to them daughter was not allowed in any case. And how did they attract her!
While Polina was quite small, I was getting along with a simple “Oh, oh, you can’t go there!” Then, in two years, I had to invent a more detailed explanation.
Honestly, nothing better than to say that there are mice in the boxes that do not really like to be disturbed, and that they can bite the finger, I did not find. It worked well, but not for long.
Once Polina asked why we carry these scary mice with us, and the story had to be changed a little. I remember she said: “Mom, you are fooling me.
No mice are there. There simply lives an evil sorceress, and you do not want to let her out. ” So, with an evil sorceress, we lived another year.
But later, of course, the need for inventing disappeared. I said that the boxes are heavy and therefore dangerous to come close. And that with the fall of such a heavy object a person may have a fracture. “It turns out everything is not so scary!
Do you remember, you scared me with evil mice and a witch? ”Said Polina. Well, of course, she does not know that real injuries are much more dangerous than a witch. ”
To frighten (in the meaning of caution, relying not on logic, but on emotions), we start early. And they should do this until the child has developed abstract thinking.
That is, until he himself can represent everything that we say, clearly understand the meaning of our words. A child under one year is not enough to simply say that the needle is sharp and therefore it cannot be taken.
He does not know what “acute” is, this word does not mean anything to him. It is necessary, looking at the needle, pull back your hand, as if you were pricked, and say something like, “Ahhhhhhhhh, let’s not touch!”
Well, and then add that it is sharp.
So the baby has easier connections with words and emotions (which, by the way, begin to be recognized by him much earlier). The older the child, the more words.
But much still remains beyond understanding, is incomprehensible. It is impossible to convince with ordinary, “adult” words.
So in two years and in three it is just necessary to generalize and simplify. And to add credibility – to exaggerate.
The child is so much clearer. His world is so arranged so far.
There only begins to occur the division into half-tones and only the diversity is formed.
True, honest, without exaggeration and without embellishment, reasoning only confuses the picture of the world. It is no coincidence that young children love fairy tales.
Everything is simple and clear. He was naughty – turned into a kid.
Helped people – received gifts. Of course, in reality, everything is wrong. But if you are already discussing why it is impossible to eat sweets before breakfast, whether it is really dangerous, whether it is worth believing that this hurts the stomach, then it will disturb the child even more than after a simple “It’s impossible.
You know what happens … “.
How much exactly and for what reason it is thus worth warning, of course, cannot be said. So that acted, and so that there was no addiction. And, of course, so that does not cause anxiety.
But many adults are crossing this line. Intimidate, as they say, with or without.
Sometimes it becomes the only way to communicate. And not everyone does it from the desire to make their motive to allow or not to allow more understandable for the child.
Often the reason lies in fatigue, irritation, unwillingness to waste energy on conversations. Mom leads a child from kindergarten and, immersed in her thoughts, automatically replies: “yes”, “no”.
Of course, having heard the request to buy something not very useful, it is unlikely to tell in detail why it should not be done. It is easier for her to say that they were writing about these marmalades in the newspaper.
That children after them sick. And they advised anyone not to buy them anymore.
It happens that adults tell horrible stories because of the softness of their character. I do not want to act directively, strictly, I do not want to offend the child or spoil his mood.
I do not want to lose his love. “I just couldn’t cope with you, that’s why I said so,” Grandma told me about all the horrors she used to frighten me as a child. That blood is poured into the eyes, if you lie on the sofa with your head upside down, that the worms will start in the stomach, if you do not brush your teeth, that milk from cats is put into the ice cream at the factory. Imagine how much I’ve heard!
These were her favorite “horror stories.”
One summer, my grandmother and I went to see her relative at sea. She also had a granddaughter of my age. Every time when we were going to walk with this girl, this grandmother said: “Do not come close to the creek – there people are sucked in by a bog.
And do not talk to anyone, but the Roma will steal you. ” – “Well, what are you scaring girls with any nonsense?” – my grandmother made her remark. Cat’s milk didn’t seem to her nonsense … “
The effect of so many scary stories may be reversed. Children just stop responding to them.
Get used to. But it still becomes more alarming.
Inside, the thought “as if something did not work out” always lives, and, moreover, it can last for many years. Moreover, even phobias (uncontrollable fears) can also be caused by the fact that adults have slightly overdosed with warnings.
They themselves may not remember what they said: “Put on your boots, otherwise snakes are found in the park,” and the child may not remember. But several years passed, and the serpent’s suddenly appeared fear does not disappear.
Continuing to tell horror stories to a child at a preschool level and even at school age will almost certainly lead to a loss of confidence. After all, children are already sufficiently informed from other sources, and they themselves are well versed in life.
Attitude towards them as small can spoil communication.
Modern children learn very early that the world is imperfect. We cannot protect them from information about terrorism, wars, crimes against the life and health of people. Yes, and perhaps should not.
Children need to be aware of how to act in different situations and how some can be prevented. We must tell them all these scary (already truly!) Stories. But here many parents face a problem.
It turns out that a frightening fiction character is easier to come up with than telling the truth. Maybe you want to protect from real fears. Or embarrassed for not being able to answer all their questions.
We will not be able to explain why people can act dishonestly, wish evil, harm. Why in the world there are serious illnesses, misfortunes.
“I caught myself on the fact that I always switch the channel if they show unpleasant news. Or I transfer the conversation to another topic, when adults discuss something criminal with their daughter. And I always doubt if I am doing the right thing.
Of course, while she goes to the kindergarten, I am always with her. But it becomes more and more independent.
Requests to leave her with a girlfriend for the evening, go to the store itself. Sooner or later you still have to allow it. And how can she, so naive and confident in the kindness and decency of people, come to these streets?
I just won’t know how to talk with children on such topics. ”
Is it possible in this case to warn the child, to instill in him caution and prudence, but not to frighten? Can you maintain a positive attitude and confidence?
Yes of course. But for this, parents should decide for themselves the question of the relationship to the world and events. Children still learn our view of things, even if we do not speak about anything to them on purpose.
Of course, do not try to instill fear, telling everything in detail and several times. For reasons “to accurately remember and fear.” No need to be fixed on the event, to make it the theme of family conversations for the whole day.
It is necessary to say the truth, but, as they say, in the treatment for children.
For example, a child should know that people who commit crimes may not differ from any other people, that they may also look kindly and therefore cannot be trusted to strangers on the street, you should not tell them your name, address, and even less agree with their proposals. . That people who steal children have a self-serving or criminal purpose.
But to dive into the details of “what can happen” is not worth it. So you can inspire not just fear, but horror, to inflict a very real psychological trauma on a child. But our task is to make the child see good things in surrounding people with all his caution and prudence.
He must understand that there is evil in the world and it is not always possible to resist it. But this is no reason to wait for trouble – after all, there is much more good in the world.