Yes, it is difficult for the father to establish full-fledged communication with the child when he constantly returns late in the evening or flies on business trips. Of course, in order to successfully combine a career and raising a child, it will take a little more strength, patience and zeal, but the result is worth it.
It is known that dads play a huge role in raising a child. Mom – this is the whole world of the baby, cozy, warm, dear, giving security, carrying love and comfort when necessary.
What about dad? The father is everything else: this is the path to maturity, this is freedom and inner strength – a huge world that also exists!
There, outside the cozy family nest. The world of things that you need to know, in which you need to learn to live.
The main task of the father is to try to give the child the maximum of his attention based on the circumstances in which he is, and you should help him in this. We must try to build a trustful, friendly relationship with a crumb to make him grow confident that his dad loves him very much.
Today, parents work very hard. But increasingly, along with a successful career, we are gaining a number of problems associated with a lack of free time. It is difficult to give the child his attention and participate in his upbringing, when it is a matter of an irregular working day, overtime, or business trips.
Statistics is relentless. About 45% of the highly paid employees of large companies spend 60, 70 or even 100 hours a week in the office, take 10 days leave no more than once a year and are ready to postpone or miss many important events in the life of their own family because of all the trouble at work.
But after all, the organized life is not all, or rather, not the most important thing. The most important purpose of money is freedom, but the most difficult task is to own the wealth, to be free from its fetters.
So try to start to analyze what you have to sacrifice for the sake of this particular job and can you achieve your goal by participating in this cruel marathon?
Often, the primary task for a dad who takes a job is “the well-being of his family”, but it also happens that over time this goal is lost, replaced by “just well-being”, from which it is the very family that suffers the most. Because the tight work schedule creates friction in the family and causes irreparable damage to the intimate life of the spouses.
Because the children of successful careerists do not stick out from the TV, they feed improperly, they are independent and self-willed. And finally, because millions of highly paid professionals all over the world risk undermining their health due to irregular working hours and exorbitant workloads.
A woman in a family can greatly influence the attitudes of her husband, his direction. In her power to help her husband slow down the pace, change guidelines, change the direction, it is the wife who can create or destroy. It is noteworthy that in biblical parables a lot is said about grumpy wives and nothing – about grumpy husbands.
Therefore, no matter how hard it is for you to keep an eye on the house, while the father “hunts for mammoths”, try to do without reproaches: after all, the husband works for the good of the children and for the sake of the family, and this should not be underestimated. You just need to help your loved one to understand what is in your family is this very good, to support her husband in his achievements, helping not to lose this goal on the path to your happiness.
What should be done. Adhere to the main principle: communication should be as intense as possible.
What does it mean? First, do not close in on yourself.
Tell your husband more about what is happening in the house: how the child behaved today, how he took his first steps, where he walked, what he was doing. Talk about how the kid learned to cheat, how his teeth are cut, what he learns to eat on his own and loves to play in the water. Share your happiness with your husband, help him all the time to feel involved in those events that happen to his baby.
Make every effort to involve dad in raising the crumbs, engender in his heart pride in his child, the desire to become attached to the little man, to feel how pleasant it is to be a father.
Secondly, constantly tell the kid about his dad. Do not apologize to the child for the fact that the father comes late, otherwise he will indeed feel like an orphan. Explain to your child well why dad has to work from morning to evening.
But don’t say something like: “He works hard so that you don’t need anything,” don’t lay the blame for papa’s employment. When talking about his work or talking with her husband, do not complain about his workload or fatigue: instead of the child starting dad or mom to regret, bring respect to the work that the father does, pride in his mind, professional viability and energy.
Tell about the benefits that dad brings, how interesting his work is, tell about his successes, what he does for others, and about failures it is worth keeping silent.
And finally: it is necessary to do everything possible so that dad can communicate with his baby, be present in his life. In the breaks, he can call the baby and ask about his affairs, and even not so much success, as the mental state of the child, his friends, life experiences.
Even if the baby is silent and still does not know how to talk, be responsible for the baby, let him hear how his mother is being talked about and how his mother is responsible for him, tell the child what the father said, how happy he is for him. Let your husband know: his call is a significant event for a child.
He convinces the child that dad misses him and constantly thinks about him.
When leaving for work, your husband can draw small postcards for the crumbs or leave short letters that you can then read to the child. It is not necessary to report something important, you can write: “Hello, my sunshine!” – or it is the sun to draw. Yes, and you and your child can prepare a small gift for your father for the day – it will brighten up the wait.
Leaving for work, you can hide for the son or daughter small surprises, so that the child could find them by chance in a pocket, closet, under a pillow or in a children’s backpack. Then he will be less homesick without dad. Apple, chocolate, bead, soap bubbles “from father”, calls, postcards and little notes – all these methods will constantly create the illusion of the father’s presence in the baby’s life.
However, try not to abuse the purchase of gifts and expensive toys. This does not compensate for the lack of dad, and may create additional problems in the relationship between father and child — yet his attention is more important for the crumbs.
At the weekend, dad can sit with the baby, bathe him, read a fairy tale – a crumb has long and patiently waited for this moment. When the father is at home, do not step aside, wanting them to talk one on one: the child should feel that you are one family.
What should be said. “When dad comes home from work, he will definitely look into your bedroom to kiss you, and tomorrow he will tell you when he returned.”
What should be done. In this situation, you can apply the same tips that were mentioned above.
Help the child visualize his dad: “Imagine how he goes from the bakery with a baguette …” Advise your husband to regularly call the baby at the same time, send him emails and postcards. Organize their communication through a webcam, it is especially useful to arrange such “video bridges” before a child’s sleep.
Together with the child, put crosses on the calendar in anticipation of the day of the return of the pope. This will help him better control the situation.
Do not frighten the baby with a strict father in his absence. And do not envy, when the return of the pope becomes a real holiday for the child. Be prepared for the fact that when he comes home, the baby will literally hang on his father and will not leave him a single step, constantly checking his presence.
The father needs to take seriously the desire of the child to be close to him, no need to push the baby away. It’s okay if your husband rests and gets dressed a little later when the baby is a little satisfied with his attention.
In your case, small family traditions that you can come up with together can be very valuable. Regularity is characteristic of any tradition: it can be any event, whether it be joint trips out of town or Saturday lunches. Such traditions do not require special expenses and do not cause difficulties, but they make it possible to feel the unity of all family members, the warmth and care of native people.
Good practices easily unite all family members, tune in to one wave and give a lot of positive emotions. Get rituals that show your love. They can be anything.
Just time your parental concerns for a certain time – that will be a great ritual.
For example: “On Monday after dinner, my dad and I draw”; “We go into the forest on the same clearing at different times of the year”; “I wave my dad out of the window when he goes to work”; “Before bedtime, they always tell me a fairy tale,” and so on. Children learn by imitating adults. And as a result, behave like parents: if you give a child care and love, he will certainly want to do the same. Here is an example of ordinary everyday rituals:
Return dad from a business trip. By the arrival of dad, we buy a big cake and spend the whole evening together.
Dad gives me souvenirs brought from another city. And then he bathes me and puts me to bed.
Weekend. Dad prepares his signature pizza or mom bakes apple pie for tea, and before dinner we play lotto.
The end or the beginning of the season. Every winter, my dad takes me on a winter fishing trip. Every summer we go to the sea by car.
In the fall, we build and hang up birdhouses in the forest and feed the ducks at the local pond.
What should be said. “In five days, dad will come and go with me to pick you up from the kindergarten. Bend your fingers every day. When you squeeze the whole hand into a fist, it will be the day when he arrives! ”