The ideal picture that parents draw in their imagination often looks like this: the child does everything himself, quickly and accurately. Behind the scenes remains one important detail – he performs only what he is told. Get up, wash and brush your teeth, go for breakfast – please!
But the willingness to willingly follow instructions, no matter how valuable they are, is by no means autonomy, but merely obedience. It is the habit of “obeying” adults that becomes one of the main reasons for passivity, lack of ideas and lack of initiative – psychological problems that parents of schoolchildren so often face. “Can’t really say what he wants, and he will not do anything until you remind!
And who is he like? ”- one can hear complaints of adults.
In fact, independence begins to form quite early. The main thing is to notice it in time. Already in 1-2 years, the crumbs manifest the first conscious desire for independent action.
As soon as he realizes that part of his needs can satisfy himself (get out of the crib, drink from a bottle, turn on the light), he tries to do it. And immediately he hears the first parental prohibitions: do not touch it, otherwise you will break it, put it in its place, otherwise you will be seduced!
Further – more: wait, do not go there, put it in place, give it back. At 3-4 years old, the baby experiences the first serious crisis of growing up when an understanding comes to him: not only his actions, but also his wishes may differ from what adults demand.
In kindergarten, he wants to wear a yellow T-shirt, but his mother pulls on a gray one — more practical. Trifle? By no means!
Vigilant control and constant pressure of adults not only ruin children’s craving for knowledge of the world, but also completely discourage the desire for independent action in general. Pretty quickly, the child understands: to make efforts where you don’t want, sometimes you don’t need it (adults will do everything themselves), and begins to use it.
How to prevent such a development of events?
One year old kid throwing toys away? Do not run headlong to pick up and serve – let him crawl to them himself. Gladly smears fruit puree on the face?
Do not scold. Your task is to give the little man the opportunity to act, and therefore, to feel independent.
Allow him to do what he wants, even if the results are unsuccessful at first. When you are not sure that the child is able to do something (hold the spoon to the mouth, drink from the cup, fasten the buttons on the jacket, etc.), show how to do it correctly.
It does not work – it does not matter. Do not interfere with his attempts to cope with the problem on his own and help only when he asks you about it!
Of course, be sure to take into account the age and experience already gained. Act consistently: first let the kid learn to take off his pants, and only then put on, first of all, show how to wield with a spoon, and only then with a fork, etc.
Complicate the tasks gradually – the successful development of new independent skills well stimulates children’s interest in them.
If possible, try to avoid strict prohibitions – “Do not run!”, “Throw!”, “Stop!”, “Do not disturb!” – and “predictions” like “break,” “tear,” “spill.” Does the four-year-old want to help you with the cleaning? Do not expose him from the room, and reward rag.
Want to wash the dishes? Substitute a stool to the sink and turn on the warm water.
Try to refuse categorically as little as possible, and explain the reasons for the refusal and offer alternative options. To “wake up” children’s initiative, give freedom of choice. Going for a walk, ask where the pussy wants to go for a walk – to the playground or to the park?
What kind of hat will he wear tomorrow – red or blue? Thus, the baby will learn to make decisions (no matter how insignificant in your opinion), to think and act independently.
Give him a space for which only he will be responsible – if not his own room, then at least a children’s corner in the apartment – let him determine the state of things and keep order. First, help him in this difficult task, explain why it is better to put the toys in the box, and put books on the shelf, but do not persist if the kid disagrees with you.
He just wants to make his own way and feel that his decisions also have weight. Give him that right.
Life on schedule is predictable and understandable. But this is exactly what children need. Getting used to a certain daily routine (getting up, washing, cleaning the bed, breakfast, walking, etc.) organizes the child’s life.
When there is no such regime, he is tormented (including from idleness), and parents have to constantly stand over him, forcing him to do this or that. You need to understand that the schedule is a support that will help the baby to quickly remember all that needs to be done.
Visualize the daily routine by drawing a schedule and hanging it in the most prominent place.
Children often take the initiative in this direction – do not hinder! Find a child a lesson to your liking: she loves water – let them water the flowers, loves to decorate – serves the table. An indispensable duty, feasible even for a two-year-old baby, should be maintaining order in his “toy corner”.
Be sure to praise the child for the timely execution of his own household chores and emphasize the benefits of his work.
A hockey section or a modern dance circle, a foreign language or a music school – the main thing is that he go there with pleasure. This is important not only for physical or mental development.
Simply, the development of independence implies, among other things, the formation of a child’s ability to occupy himself for a while without the help of adults.
Enter the practice of receiving pocket money (even at the very beginning it will be the most penny sums), give the kid a piggy bank and allow him to distribute the expenses himself. At first, explain why you can not save a lot, if you constantly spend. A little later, give the task: ask the child to calculate in advance their “expenses”, taking into account the planned and unforeseen expenses.
Help, if necessary, but do not impose your opinion – let him decide everything himself.
Come up with controversial situations to show your child different ways to solve them, and ask him to decide for himself exactly what to do. Discuss the results of all his actions and actions and let him freely express his thoughts.
Let him openly talk about what causes his misunderstanding. In turn, explain why you are doing this in a particular situation, and not otherwise. Make agreements!
Agree, for example, that you read a fairy tale for the night and keep it secret 10 minutes before bedtime, if the baby stops evening games in time and prepares himself for sleep. Warn that if an agreement is broken on his part, everything planned will be canceled immediately.
Praise is one of the most enjoyable and affordable incentives. Praise and encourage always, even if your baby has not yet succeeded.
He will feel that you appreciate his efforts and will want to try again. No need to sing the praises and pour flattering words for any reason – the praise should not be exaggerated, but deserved.
Patience is one of the main qualities that parents need to raise their children’s independence. Even with a shortage of time, you don’t have to do for the child those things that he can handle himself. Instead, tell your child more often how you love him, dozens of times explain the most obvious things, listen to everything he says, answer all his questions, help him reason and let us make decisions even if you don’t really like them.
Give up over-care, do not demand complete submission from the kid, but be his friend and adviser.
Kids are so incredibly inquisitive and tireless that developing their desire for independence is easier than ever. The main thing – do not interfere and a little help.
- Simplify. Without creating some living conditions appropriate for age and development, it can be difficult for a child to learn to be independent. Create these opportunities for him. If you want him to dress himself, undress and get used to keeping order in clothes, empty a couple of shelves in the closet that are easy to reach: let them learn to put socks, T-shirts and T-shirts there. Would you like to wash yourself? Get a stand that will help him to reach the sink, and move the hook for your own towel lower.
- Do not impose, but show. Your own example is a very effective method of education, because young children are great imitators! Teaching a child to one or another action (how to tie a scarf, zip up a jacket, lace up shoes), show everything slowly, as in slow-motion filming, clearly pronouncing the sequence of actions. A good help will be not only your comments, but also questions: “What do we take to wash our hands? How do we wash? Where do we put the soap? What are we doing next? ” Answers to them will help the baby to remember the sequence of actions, so that later it is easy to reproduce it yourself.
- Remind me. Do this not only verbally. If the crumb still forgets that you need to wash your hands before eating, hang a reminder in the shape of a funny picture on the bathroom door. Looking at him, he immediately remembers what he must do. To consolidate independent skills, play more. For example, any variations of the “daughter-mother” game perfectly train children’s knowledge about the sequence of dressing, undressing, washing, etc.