According to psychologists, children’s conflicts are normal, even if they occur during a holiday. Demonstrating “teeth” to each other, our children learn not only to defend their interests, but also to make decisions, find compromises, show flexibility in communication.
As one experienced father remarked: “They need to learn to build relationships with people, including bad ones.” Therefore, parents should not always intervene in children’s quarrels. As a rule, boys and girls aged 5 and older are able to figure out who is right and who is to blame.
Contrary to the anxiety of moms, children do it great! Much better than ours, “characters” from the side.
But is it possible to let the process of resolving a child conflict take its course when you have a holiday? The party will be remembered by children for a long time.
It is possible that they will not forget this day, already becoming adults. In addition, on holidays, small princes and princesses are even very much counting on the help of their parents: they don’t want to make concessions themselves, but if they make peace, this is another matter.
Let’s talk about how to help children in a loud holiday atmosphere to calm down and come to an agreement again.
The classics of child psychology, Boris Zhiznevsky and Jacob Kolominsky, noticed: children’s conflict develops, as a rule, for one of the following reasons:
- the game is broken;
- did not share toys;
- do not agree with who performs what roles;
- They did not agree on how the plot of the game should develop.
In children, conflicts often occur about the “division of property”, in boys and girls older – because of who gets more rights in the collective fun. However, the experience of moms shows that among the reasons for children’s conflicts there is also an extensive category of “other”: “Who is older?”; “This boy pecked at me”; “He drew a crocodile on my hand”; “This girl scares me that her mother is a police officer”; “She pokes me with a finger in the back, but I don’t reach her pigtails to pull.” However, a child conflict can occur simply because the children are hungry, tired or overworked.
Regardless of the reason for the quarrel, the holiday is good because all misunderstandings can be easily resolved in the game.
Moms, who often receive guests, know that when a conflict breaks out, it is better to take the disputants to the side. After all, our children, when they find out the relationship, love to play in public. In silence, it is easier for them to calm down and start thinking more or less intelligently.
The area where we will be “secret” must meet simple requirements: a peaceful atmosphere, comfort, order, fresh air. Have the children take turns telling what happened. Warn that the word will be given to everyone and interrupt each other is impossible.
When discussing a conflict with young disputants, use the method of active listening suggested by the psychologist and experienced mother Julia Gippenreiter in the book Communicate with a Child. How?”.
All that the boy or girl says, tell in your own words, in an affirmative form. Then specify whether you understood the narrator correctly.
Be sure to speak out loud the feelings and emotions that your assumptions feel each party to the conflict. Build a dialogue with each child in this way:
Child: Anya plays wrong.
You: You don’t like the way Anya plays.
Child: Yes, she always runs into another room.
You: You want to play together in this room.
If the conflicting parties are still offended at each other, proceed to the next step. Children love to imagine themselves as characters of their favorite stories and cartoons. Give them that opportunity.
Before you begin a reconciliation game, tell a “secret” story: long ago, kings from different countries met and conducted wise conversations among themselves to prevent a war. Each of the rulers reported what concessions he was ready to make for peace and asked for something valuable in return. For example, one monarch gave the other a gift of a wagon of sweet fruits and sweets, and in return, he allowed to travel freely through the territory of his state.
Invite the children to present themselves as two kings or queens. You can put paper crowns on their heads, and give them a miniature candle-shaped lamp.
Let each of the children state on what conditions he is ready to “make peace”.
We write down every, even the most incredible, sentence on the card. Next, we mix the cards and offer the disputants to pull out one by one. Discuss every sentence.
We are looking for a way to change it so that both sides win. Found a solution that suits both? You can make a “diplomatic non-aggression pact” in the form of a letter or drawing.
Also offer the little warriors to eat brotherhood on a juicy apple. This is an axiom: any fruit is much tastier if you eat it together.
What if you can not lure children to a secret corner? Or is there no quiet place in the house, because the number of guests per square meter exceeds the limit?
In this case, try to turn the scene of reconciliation into an exciting event, in which all the guests will participate. Tell the children an entertaining story and have them play the roles right away.
The plot does not have to come up with a long time: fairy-tale heroes that cause sympathy in the majority of guests, for example, “smeshariki”, have quarreled. Let the conflict of fairy-tale heroes happen about the same reason as your debaters.
Assign a role to each child. The game will be interesting if some of the children will depict inanimate objects: a tree, a table, a mirror, etc.
You, the presenter and director in one person, lead the actors: “Nyusha so much offended Losyash that she had to run around the table seven times to calm down … Kopatych hid behind a tree …”. Finishing the game, tell that the fairy-tale heroes became so sad in separation that they could not stand it and made it up.
Another quick and effective way to reconcile the disputants at the festival – counts. The rules of the game are set according to the situation. For example, the one to whom the lot fell, first gets the right to participate in the competition.
However, the second child also in no case should not be deprived. In return, appoint him, for example, to the honorary “position” of an assistant facilitator.
Give preference to readers that children most likely do not know. By the way, the fashion for folklore is changing.
Many babies do not know county children who were popular in their parents’ childhood, including familiar to many adults: “Aty-bata, soldiers marched,” “Dora-dora-tomato” or “Ene-ben-slave”.
Start an adventure story with the children. Ask the debaters to imagine that they were together in a strange place: on a deserted island, in the castle of the princess, aboard a spaceship or inside a fairy tale. Start telling about it, for example, like this: “Olya and Lena were together on a distant planet Jupiter”.
The task of the children in turn is to add to the story one sentence at a time, starting with the words: “Yes, and more …”. Let the little “bully-boys” think up well on what they will do if they are alone with each other. You can declare an incentive prize to anyone who comes up with more ideas.
A similar game, by the way, is quite often practiced at adult trainings dedicated to team building.
A quarrel can be turned into a game: whoever wins the competition, he gets what caused the spat. Competitions for this purpose are better to choose calm.
Organize, for example, a tournament in board games: “walkers”, lotto, dominoes. Involve all guests.
Let them compete in teams. It is likely that children will get involved in the new competition in such a way that they simply forget about the quarrel.
Even the most irreconcilable disputants will easily be distracted from clarifying the relationship if something interesting happens. You surely have more than one fun contest yet?
Fine! Start in front of the children to prepare the next game. For example, if the program provides a ribbon with prizes that need to be cut with scissors, hang it in the room right now.
Or put on a colorful props for the next game you have planned. Warn children that only those who know how to “live together” will participate in the contest.