Most people are prone to self-criticism. It can, of course, be very useful, but only if it is constructive.
However, usually any criticism of your own address contains unproductive negative “compliments” that can completely destroy your self-esteem. Below is a selection of the most popular self-destructive phrases that, according to psychologists, should have no place in your life if you want to be a truly successful and happy person:
Never say never. This way you lose yourself even the chance to try. The phrase “I never …” is one of the most destructive to your life. “I will never be slim,” you say, and thus untie your hands, allowing yourself to continue to eat sides and gain weight. “I will never learn to speak good English,” you say, and stop going to foreign courses. “I will never be happy” – and now you have stopped looking around, noticing interesting people around you and ceasing to be interesting for them in response. “I will never be able to earn as much as my friends” – and now the idea of writing a good resume, searching for more decent work is already buried, the business plan of the new start-up is put on the table … Speaking to myself, “I will never be able”, “I never will, ”“ I will never, ”you deprive yourself of the most important thing – the motivation to achieve.
You allow yourself NOT to try, DO NOT try, DO NOT. Never say never to yourself.
Any dream is given to us along with the forces to fulfill it. The question is only in the correct formulation. Take the example of Albert Einstein: state the problem statement in such a way that it gives you the opportunity to search and find the right solution.
Break large tasks into a chain of small ones, achieve intermediate goals and go to big ones. And forget about “never.”
This is another demotivating phrase, which, by the way, often follows the first. By saying this, you allow yourself not to try to do what you really could. A common message: “I am too old (too young) to change something in my life.”
You state the controversial fact that you ALREADY or STILL cannot influence the course of events. “I’m too old to go to study again.” “I am too young to apply for this position.” “I’m too old to start a personal life from scratch.” The habit of covering up your laziness, timidity, indecision, fear of failure by age brings destructive changes in your life.
You are NOT trying, you are not trying, you are NOT looking for resources in yourself to do something important, interesting, something that will make you happier and enrich your intellect, your experience.
It’s never too early and never too late to follow your dreams. You can start learning a new language or go jogging at 50 and 60 years old.
And start your business at 20, not paying attention to the grins of “senior”. Do not be afraid to get another education and change your profession both at the age of 30 and at the age of 40. Especially if the choice of the first profession was made for you by your parents, and you feel yourself at it as not being at ease.
Life is short, so if you want to do something, do not wait. People who are not afraid to follow their dreams and desires – even the most foolish, are much happier and more successful.
By saying this, you are programming yourself to fail before you even try to do something. People are not born “competent” and “sufficiently experienced.” Those who are successfully doing their job today, or performing at competitions, or organizing events that are incredible in scope, they all started by trying, learning and moving forward.
But the most important thing is their quality: they believed in themselves and wanted to prove to themselves that they could. Believe in yourself and others will do the same.
When you are asked for something that you have never done before, the simplest (and worst) thing you can say is “I don’t know if I can.” You should at least try! He who believes in himself and his abilities can accomplish any difficult task and achieve any inaccessible goal.
We grow and develop only if we are doing something new for ourselves and constantly moving out of our own comfort zone. And if you do not know how to do what you are asked about, it is only because you have not yet begun to study this question. Start, try, learn, expand your professional and personal horizons.
The realization that you have undertaken a difficult but interesting job that will add to your experience, knowledge and professional weight will make you not only happier, but also increase your market value as a specialist.
Never detract from your merits, no matter how insignificant they may seem to you. By saying “anyone would have done it,” you are depriving yourself of the right to a well-deserved reward – and this is one of the key points of motivation for further achievements. Perhaps, anyone would have coped with the task, but he would have done it in his unique manner.
Do not compare yourself with others – compare yourself with yourself (for example, a year, two, a few years ago). Notice your growth, your progress. When you are praised – take praise with joy, and do not try to prove to yourself and others that “there is nothing special about this.”
Adults will not praise you for non-existent achievements. If you like your result, then you did it really well. Do not say “I have not done anything special” either from sincere modesty, or from the desire to seem more modest.
For if you begin to tell others around you that you have not done anything special, gradually they will begin to believe in it too. And then you realize that being underestimated is painful, and it makes people really unhappy.
If you use this phrase in relation to yourself, it means that someone has long been able to convince you that, whatever you do, you by definition cannot do it well and correctly. And even now, when you have grown up, you continue to believe that you are not able to do at least 100% right. It seems to you that you are “not working so well”, you are afraid of every mistake and every mistake, because it seems to you that the authorities will at least condemn you for it, and, most likely, will fire you altogether.
It seems to you that no matter what you do, people around you will not be completely satisfied with the result. Even if they tell you in your face that everything is fine, you will still look for a trick and be tormented.
Self-conviction “I do everything wrong” deprives you of a sense of stability, because you are constantly worried about what you have done and said, and even what you have not done and did not say. You are worried not only for the present, but also for the future, thereby poisoning your life “here and now” even when there are no objective reasons for experiencing. You compare your actions and words with a certain ideal, and this striving for perfectionism makes you a real neurotic.
Stop: there are no perfect people. Do not compare yourself with a non-existent perfect other.
The way you do something and say it is your style. Replace the phrase “I always do everything wrong” with “I do it my way,” and believe me, “in my own way” does not mean “worse.”
This phrase is the path to solitude. Perhaps you had a bad day and you want to be alone, but this is not a reason to demand from others to ignore you. When you tell people “don’t pay attention to me” or “leave me alone,” you are trying to prove to everyone and yourself that you can cope with the problem yourself.
Perhaps it is. But on a global scale, you reject those who sincerely want to help you in a difficult time for you and teach yourself and others to the idea that they are not worthy of care and support. Do not hit the hand if it is a hand of support and help.
By fencing off people who sympathize with you at a difficult time for yourself, you build the foundation for endless loneliness.
It doesn’t matter if you really have a weight problem, or if it’s only in your head, but the habit of telling everyone that you are “fat / fat” (even jokingly) is extremely harmful and self-destructive. What is behind these words? Or cover your own laziness – “Yes, I know that I am fat, that this is a problem, and I should deal with it, but it is not working out yet.”
Either the desire to hear from others that it is not so – “well, you, you are not in such bad shape!”, Or “yes, how fat you are, you just have a wide bone”. Stop calling yourself names and don’t ask your friends for dubious compliments.
From what you say about yourself in such a tone, you will not become either slimmer or happier. Your friends may lie to you so as not to offend.
But you know what your bathroom scales show. If you can’t get the desired weight and shape, start by accepting yourself as you are. Here the psychological attitude is important – you do not give up, but make an informed choice of an adult. “I am not fat, I am big and soft!”
And instead of the next unsuccessful attempts to go on a half-starved diet or accomplish the feat in the gym, that is, instead of doing things that make you feel uncomfortable, just start to lead a healthy lifestyle: eat well, move more and try to get enough sleep. Most people who have lost weight say: 90% of success is done in the kitchen. The realization that you are doing the right thing with yourself will make you much happier, believe me.
And, if not as fast as we would like, but you will be slim.
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