We really want to make children happy. Probably, in our society there is a cult of children’s happiness: laughing children look at us from billboards, store signs, wink at cinema posters.
Crazy rides, water parks, giant rope jungles are created for children. The entertainment industry works so that happiness is everything and a gift.
Well, almost for nothing. And parents also try to be positive; smiling, contented and well-dressed, we leave the house on a day off, the child in the new jacket walks beside him, anticipating ice cream and pony riding.
Closer to dinner, a thunderstorm is waiting for us: the younger member of the family will begin to stomp their feet and throw ice cream, dad will frown at being spoiled, and mom will be distracted by canceling the cartoon’s evening hike. We are ashamed of the uncomfortable feelings of the child and teach not to present our frustration to the public: “Dasha, stop crying, see the uncle, the guard is afraid of you!” Nothing works, Dasha does not let up, the guards gather in a circle, we feel even more stupid and wonder how this came out.
We were going to have fun.
My son was very much waiting for his holiday on the occasion of his 4th birthday. A pirate party in the kids club was scheduled, where all the friends of Egor were invited.
A child with a saber and a captain’s hat was very enthusiastic all morning, but when everyone gathered to congratulate him, an animator, a corsair, a storm of the Southern Seas, ran out and the child cried and hid in a plastic house, flatly, refusing to go to the guests. And we tried so hard.
Children are much more sensitive to sensory stimuli than we anticipate. They react more brightly to the novelty and are under stress from the new hairstyle of the mother or the chair moved to another corner. Moreover, the more sensitive the child, the easier it will jump from a quiet state to the state “well, it started!”.
It is not by chance that anxious children love to re-read the same book many times, so they feel more confident, knowing what happens next: no surprises, no blinking aircraft, Masha will run away from the bear, that’s all. Psychologists recommend the routine also for a reason: the usual and measured acts well on a child who is lost on weekends in shopping centers. And the entertainment spaces themselves are arranged in such a way as to capture and not release the client as accurately as possible.
An adult with a more mature nervous system may feel exhausted and tired there, but for some reason we hope that the child will only be happy among the tumult of aggressive colors and sounds. Therefore, sometimes it makes sense to relax with the kids, not only in amusement parks, but also in museums of wooden architecture.
2. The amount of unsuccessful factors
The feeling of hunger, a little tiredness, lack of sleep together lead to a nuclear explosion, even in the most sweet and calming place. A festive event, which is delayed and takes away a piece of daytime sleep from a child, can be a difficult test for the nerves of everyone around him, including passers-by.
After I had to carry away the roaring three-year-old daughter from a cheerful round dance, I try to act proactively and always have a water bottle or an apple ready.
3. Impulsiveness and frustration
During the three-year crisis (which is only called three-year, and in general it can stretch to five), the guys develop independence. And every struggle for independence is full of both victories and disappointments.
The new situation throws new challenges to the child, impulsiveness and desires are great, and the possibilities are not very good so far. You ran and deftly jumped like Mowgli, but you accidentally broke a Chinese vase – how can you not cry. And let everyone around say that they haven’t liked the vase for a long time, the bitterness of their own imperfections is so great that it’s unlikely that a third pie can somehow comfort a person.
The most profitable strategy here will be an understanding and sympathetic adult who has had worse things in life. American educator Eda Le Shan in his book “When your child drives you crazy” advises: “When children commit irrational acts, they feel terribly lonely!
They think that no one ever felt that way. They never think that their parents have ever felt this way.
Even if your explanation is not entirely accurate, the child will feel that they are trying to understand him, and not just considered bad. ”
4. Irrational fears
You do not understand why, at a picnic, your baby is crying and hiding behind a tree? The reason could be a bug that flew a couple of minutes ago over neighboring bushes.
I saw children who climbed under a chair at the sight of a good-natured clown, children who wept inconsolably, frightened by the salute, children who perceived the greeting word of Santa Claus as a threat to national security. Don’t even try to find a logical explanation for this.
This fear can be passed in a different situation and at another time, but now there must be one person left: either the animator in a newt costume or your child.
5. The need for attention
Often preoccupied with the external attributes of fun-filled leisure, parents completely lose sight of the child himself. But his very need for attention is much stronger than the need for carousels in the form of a rocket.
In addition, children have a powerful radar system: they feel that you are distracted from them, are busy talking to the waiter, and, agitated, begin to draw attention to themselves with all their might. That is, to whine loudly or obsessively ask for one or the other.
And this will continue until you lose your temper and, finally, focus on the hero of the occasion. It is better to act proactively; When you come to the party, do not forget that there is a person standing next to him who needs to be happy, talk to him and from time to time hold his hand.
6. Dopamine swing
By preparing a child for a fun event, we contribute to the development of dopamine. We tell her what daughter will have an elegant dress, what toys she will receive, what tasty treats she will have.
The dopamine system is a reward system, it is responsible for motivation, desire for pleasure, training, perseverance and many other important things. As soon as dopamine is released into the brain, we feel a surge of joy and excitement.
Recent studies have shown that dopamine is not so much a pleasure hormone, as the anticipation of this pleasure. The man from Wednesday waited for Sunday, waited and rejoiced, he woke up, waited and rejoiced, all the way, all two hours while you were standing in traffic, waiting and rejoicing – and it is not surprising that dopamine was over just when everything happened.
The baby is burned out.
This does not mean that you need to cancel all the parties, names and matinees. Perhaps, instead of running around and waving his arms in despair: “Well, what did he lack?”, It makes sense for us to show a little more understanding and patience.