We have formulated the most frequent complaints, which, unfortunately, are voiced by very many women. But given that there are always two players in sex, most of these requests can be reversed.
Let men less often confess their problems, but they also have a lot of complaints. And attempts to find the culprit in this situation are also peculiar to everyone.
However, instead of looking for the cause in a partner, it is much more productive to look first at yourself. This worldly wisdom applies to all facets of our life, only when it comes to sex, we forget about it too quickly.
“I love role-playing, and my husband is very conservative.”
The ability to “reincarnate” in sex is largely related to the gaming experience gained in early childhood. It is different for everyone, so the partners may have different attitudes towards the masquerade in bed. If the child had a rich game repertoire in his childhood, he willingly supported the ideas of his peers, he had a wild imagination, the chances that he would like role-playing games would be much better.
And if the partner had a traumatic or one-type experience (including gaming), it is more difficult for him to let go of himself, to be spontaneous, to accept experiments. Such people set themselves an internal block and cannot step over it.
For them, this is “abnormal behavior in bed.”
But there is another possible explanation for the refusal. Game behavior in sex is always associated with big risks: what will the partner think of me, how will he react to my proposal?
In order for spouses to try new forms of sex for themselves, there must be a basic safe emotional contact between them. Only in this case will they be able to openly discuss their preferences.
And if one of the partners is afraid of sex not being at his best, because in everyday life he too “does everything wrong”, the desire to experiment is unlikely to appear.
“I am not ready to participate in his fantasies”
Each of us has preferences and needs, including in sex. And the partners they may not match.
By the way, this is what happens most often, and this is completely natural. Even if the spouses live in perfect harmony and it seems from the outside that they have synchronous interests and desires. Each of us has our own ways to satisfy our sexual desire.
And the question is not that you personally are sickened by the option proposed by your partner, but why you do not want to please your loved one. There may be several reasons for refusal.
One of them – the struggle for power. In many families, spouses fight for first place, and in bed too.
To understand who is in charge of your family, remember which of you most often (as a percentage) makes the final decision whether there will be sex today or not. Refusing to make your partner pleasant, you can punish him in this way, unconsciously or not.
For the fact that in ordinary life he is not attentive to you, does not meet your expectations, does not fulfill what he promised. If the wife refuses to her husband consciously, this is already a manipulation from the discharge: “When you begin to do me what I ask of you, then I will do what you dream about.”
“He does everything too fast.”
Prompt sex without foreplay gives strong emotions. Some people need them to achieve orgasm. And someone is a quick way to relieve stress, for example, after a hard day.
If a man openly admits that such sex is necessary for him, and emphasizes in all ways that he wants to practice it with you, that you are important to him, that you are loved, it becomes easier to meet. If a couple has a relationship of trust, the thought arises: “This is his way to have fun, so why not help me?” And this applies to any other fantasies that the partner shares with you.
But it happens in a different way. Many women in this situation feel like a thing.
Thoughts come: “Are you at this moment with me? Or does it not matter to you, whose body is nearby?
This is unfair! ”However, it is worth looking deeper. Ask yourself, what prevents you from being in contact with your partner at these moments? After all, this is why you do not get pleasure.
Some women in this place are humbled and come to the false conclusion that conjugal sex is “like that.” Others begin to fight for their pleasure – they criticize and demand, for example. War also increases the degree of libido and creates the very distance that helps the desire to grow.
So conciliatory sex after a major altercation is a variant of the norm. Provided that after there is no feeling that you feel bad. But if this is the only way to have sex with a partner, then this is an alarming sign and a reason to think.
If you want something else, you need to be able to organize it for yourself. If you can’t, ask yourself why.
You may have had a bad experience. For example, the ex-husband left, so you are afraid that your partner will leave you if you are frank with him and start asking for something personally for yourself.
“I do not have enough sex”
There are men with a sleepy temperament who need only hug their spouse and fall asleep in a peaceful sleep. Or maybe your partner has a stressful period now, and he realizes his sexual energy in work or in creativity. To get started is to figure out whether this is a temporary lull or has your husband always been like this?
In the first case, if there is an emotional contact, the natural reaction would be to wait and not escalate the situation. In the second one, you should think about the fact that you knew this well before and yet chose him.
But this is not a reason to reconcile with the circumstances. It is important to recognize that sex is important to you, and then there may be options. Some people calmly relate to connections on the side and tacitly admit this way of solving a problem.
But if you managed to find out that your spouse will never forgive treason, it will be a big risk. Then you can frankly admit: “I need more sex, otherwise I feel unhappy. I am not ready to lose you, but I also cannot refuse my needs.
What are you ready for in this case? Let’s try to come up with something together. ”
And see what the spouse offers.
In sex, we always go beyond our limits. This is a challenge every time.
If we feel safe in this area, we are not afraid to do something new. And if the wife constantly criticizes, the husband is always dissatisfied with her husband, it will be scary to change her sexual behavior as well. After all, he knows in advance: whatever he does, please will not work.
The desire to change something and even more to improve in this scenario is unlikely to arise.
“He does everything wrong.”
Such a complaint is unfounded from the very beginning, because it suggests that you yourself do not know what you want. Perhaps you have little sexual experience, you are not familiar with your own body, or a psychological trauma. In this case, it is best to contact a psychologist.
And if you expect that the husband himself guesses everything, nothing good will come of it. To find a ford across the river in complete darkness is a complicated and ungrateful idea.
The spouse makes a mistake after mistake: he did something wrong again, did not make it to the top ten again. Your indignation accumulates, powerlessness engenders anger and reproaches, sometimes mutual.
The desire to look further in such conditions in a man quickly disappears. Indeed, why try if you don’t like everything he does.
The task is perceived as completely impossible, and the hands are lowered.
If you clearly know what you want, but do not talk about this partner, the question is – why are you silent? If there is no trusting relationship between you, fears will pop up: what if he doesn’t understand me that way, ignore or reject me? It is possible that the husband refuses to meet you or does not want to try.
Then you should think about how you can make emotional contact and get closer. And, of course, it is worth refraining from criticism, so that the spouse does not lose the incentive to experiment.
“I do not experience an orgasm with my husband, although everything worked out with my previous partner”
Orgasm is a purely physiological phenomenon. Almost every woman can reach a peak on her own, therefore, can teach this to any man. In addition, we all know how to fantasize, and it helps a lot.
And if there is a basic trust in a couple, then for any request the partner argues something like this: “It is important for me that you are happy. I’ll do it for you. Including because I am sure that my needs will also be heard. ”
However, sex is always involved another mechanism that can block the pleasure. If the atmosphere is inappropriate (the walls are too thin, the light is bright, etc.) or the partner has done or said something wrong, the orgasm does not happen.
This also needs to be taken into account.
But if you can’t tell your partner how to act, again the question is: why? Many women, preferring to keep their secrets in secret, begin to simulate an orgasm. But sooner or later, thoughts arise: for what am I making such sacrifices and making my own pleasure?
It is better not to bring the situation to such a point.