In the modern world, where the number of so-called maternal families is rapidly growing (families in which children are raised only by a mother, and the father is absent due to divorce, premature death, inability or unwillingness to engage in interaction with children), it’s not a big deal to think about fathers in raising their son. Despite the fact that a boy as an individual, the future man and an independent person are formed under the influence of different figures (mothers, teachers and educators, grandparents, trainers in the section, idols and many others) and society as a whole – there are things in its development, which can be purchased only in contact with the father.
1. The first and foremost thing that a father forms in his son are feelings of safety and security. So it was at all times – strong and strong, the father protects the family, stands up for his wife and children, if someone offends them, as a man first comes forward to meet the threat and is able to fight back the ill-wisher. “I’ll tell my dad!
He will ask you! – “now and then we hear from quarreling children. The feeling that the father will stand up for me and save me from any misfortune, because he can, because he has more strength than his mother, because he historically used to do it – gives rise in his young son a sense of security, trust in the world in which whatever happens – dad will come to the rescue and everything will be fine. And when the boy feels safe, he is well and calmly, he studies the world with curiosity and explorative curiosity, masters it, becomes more knowledgeable and experienced.
It is the feeling of self-defense that allows the boy to be active and take the initiative – indispensable qualities for a happy life.
2. For the son, Dad is the first and main person to follow. That father teaches the boy to behave like a man, shows it by example, in everyday communication, showing him how men act in certain situations. Dad is a model of masculine behavior, which the son manages to scrutinize and, as a result, is well understood, because the father is near, it is convenient to watch him, you can communicate with him and “read” a sample of masculinity from him.
In fact, this sample of “male” growing up boy is difficult to find for yourself anywhere else, because in the modern world the child is mostly surrounded by women. And it is the father who shows the boy that in difficult situations men do not cry, but give a fight; that in a relationship with a woman they patronize and protect; that they work and are constantly busy with something in a wide world, external to the family, so that the wife and children have money, support, means to live well and safely.
3. Acquainting his son with the position, the position of a man in society, the father teaches him and specific ways of “male” actions – how to hammer nails, repair a crane, change tires on a car, and carry heavy loads. At school or from mom do not know.
In communication with the father, the competence of the son, his ability to possess the necessary skills and knowledge for life is developed.
4. The father forms feelings of self-esteem and self-esteem in the son. This is due to the fact that the father, being present in the family and also receiving the attention of the mother, prevents the “merging” of the child with the mother, prevents the situation when the mother and the child are fully focused on each other. on the other, which, according to psychologists, can form in the child the need to be near the mother always, depend on her, always use her help and care, feel inseparable from the mother and be afraid of independence, independence. By engaging in interaction with the child, the father appears to him as another loving adult who helps the child take his – special – place first in the family, and then in the world. In other words, the father outlines the psychological boundaries of the child – it makes it clear and experienced the optimal distance, first in communication with the mother, and then with all other people.
If the mother loves the child unconditionally, only because he has one, then fatherly love is different. The father unconsciously stimulates his son to achieve, to master new knowledge and skills, to perform certain duties – the recognition of which in his son serves as a reason for him to love him. Here is how Erich Fromm, one of the famous psychologists of the twentieth century, writes expressively about this (quoted from The Art of Love): “Fatherly love is conditional love.
Her principle is: “I love you, because you meet my expectations, because you fulfill your duties, because you look like me.”
5. The logical consequences of self-esteem and self-reliance are the willingness to claim achievement and strive for the success that it is the father who forms in his son. Receiving the support of his father, the boy understands: “I can, I succeed” – and this allows him to strive forward.
Feeling that his father will protect and help, if necessary, the boy boldly tries, pretends, in different ways achieves his own. Studies of child psychologists have shown that it is communication with dad that improves the development of children’s mental abilities when, at an intellectual level, a child begins to see more ways to solve a problem and more actively seeks to bring them to the end and come to the correct answer. It is also interesting that the desire for success encourages the boy to master the “rules” of his achievements in the social, adult world – and sensitively learn the norms of communication, winning strategies, and follow them.
In this sense, the father forms one more important thing in his son — the ability to comply with the laws and subordinate his behavior to existing principles. Authority, which replaced the historical authoritarianism of the father in the family, fathers for the boy supports and helps the same.