Technology and information have changed the parent behavior. Mom in the kitchen turned into a mom in the phone. On papas, progress is not so noticeable, because in the classical model of the nuclear family, papa was forced to hide from everyday life, though not under a tablet, but either under a newspaper or under a car.
Now fathers are more involved in educational processes, for example, American dads over the past two decades have begun to spend twice as much time with children as before. The truth is not yet calculated how much of this time they dig in the phone, sending requests “how to wear a diaper”, “how to feed the baby with beets” and “where in front of children’s tights”.
Thanks to technology, semi-finished products and dishwashers, life was simplified, mothers left the kitchen and looked out the window of virtual reality. All r began to listen to webinars, engage in online education, work remotely, blog and take hundreds of photos of children. In fact, we spend time next to the children, but child-parent communication is now not just communication, and sometimes being close to parallel worlds: mother on Facebook, child in a cartoon.
It turns out that there are other difficulties that gadgets emit on child-parent interaction.
What people are proud of, who ascribe “Always in touch” at the end of the work letters, is its multi-tasking. We can live our daily life, listen to a lecture, read to the friend’s corner of the eye, at the same time we look after the child and cook the soup.
The lion’s share of attention goes to the screen, but in general we are like a multitasking computer included in several complex processes at the same time and it seems that we are in control.
Next to the children, the parent in the phone gets more tired, dispels much attention, because he is on the alert all the time: news can come from several sources at once. A study in 2009 showed that “multi-tasking” is more difficult to cut off little information, they are distracted by all at once.
Although, if we are not in the office, it may even be a plus. What information is relevant, and which is not very? “Mom, push the merry-go-round!” – Of course, the scale of your career is not very valuable information, but the parent cannot neglect the merry-go-round, even if his board of directors hangs on Skype.
Mom will smile at the screen, and twist the carousel with her foot, trying to wink at the child imperceptibly, until finally the authorities decide that she has a nervous breakdown. Distracted attention prevents to spend time with the child “qualitatively”, that is, to immerse completely in communication, actively listen to the story about the bear, look him straight in the eyes and mirror the reactions. If we somehow can disperse the attention, emotionally immerse at the same time in a new video with Kim Kardashian and play with a child, it is unrealistic.
There must be a conscious choice of priorities.
The worse the children behave, the greater the temptation to hide from them on the phone. The more distant the parents, the stronger the children try to make contact. We read an important article, some annoying nagging goes along with the background.
Worse, if a child is near, it starts behaving aggressively, wriggling, doing something as if it were to spite mom. The science of attachment says that most often this behavior of a child is associated with the fear of separation. An adult may be seven days a week around the clock next to the baby, but will not let him understand that you can rely on him, you can be confident in him, his affection is safe and indestructible.
The parent in the phone must occasionally show up from behind the screen and interact with the child, otherwise the younger one risks being left alone with loneliness and the fear of separation.
And the anxiety of the child is justified. Five years ago, branding specialist Martin Lindstrom conducted a study, he studied the reaction of nerve cells of iPhone owners during active use of the phone. It was possible to find out that the smartphone activates the same part of the brain, which is responsible for the emotions to the beloved and the feeling of compassion.
It seems, from the point of view of neurobiology, we are in love with a piece of plastic with microcircuits, and children feel it and are justly jealous of us.
The Internet provides us with a choice of many options. Even if the parent prefers to avoid parenting articles, he still climbs the Internet to study the drawing of children’s diathesis and compare with the doctor’s recommendation, he chooses the right highchair, the best jumpsuit and anatomically shaped pot.
People who are engaged in neuromarketing know that choosing from a variety of options is always exhausting work, besides doubts and anxiety can be associated with the unpleasant feeling that there is not enough money for a credit card to buy the best. Another kind of confusion is always questioning your parental behavior – there are a lot of opinions on the Internet, and some are quite convincing.
What if you are doing something wrong?
American psychiatrist G.Smoll and his coauthor G.Vorgan in the book “Brain online. A person in the Internet era ”describes the formation of dependence on various Internet joys: social networks, online games, shopping. That is, the dependence is not formed from the Internet as such, but it is a definite occupation.
Say, a mom chooses mittens for a baby in an online store. Euphoria sneaks up while mom scrolls through ads and enjoys tempting and beautiful options.
While she is paying with the card, the dopamine system of the brain rejoices. It is surprising that when the goods are delivered, we are not as happy as at the moment of purchase, but the dopamine rewards are so great that we become attached to the occupation that gave us joy.
Or more simply “sticky” on the phone. This means that it is difficult for us to immediately break away from it, even when the child requires our attention, and we again unconsciously grab the gadget for any difficult situation and look for happiness and peace in it.
Technology has made our world a better place and probably brought a lot of great things to our parenthood. The greatest danger posed by reality with Pokémon is our illusion of control over the situation.
It is important to feel at what moments we execute computer commands, and at what time our computer executes ours. It is equally important to be able to send a gadget to sleep mode in time and go play with the child.
Well, or vice versa.