Главная 7 Child development 7 3 children’s questions that put adults at bay

3 children’s questions that put adults at bay

3 children's questions that put adults at bay

We need to start with the obvious: “Yes, you are right, for a child to be born, you need both a mom and a dad.” Further, the answers may be different, it all depends not only on the capabilities, but also on the willingness of the mother to answer this question.

So, you can answer this way: “Once upon a time, dad and I loved each other very much and really wanted you to appear.” It is extremely important for a child to know that they wanted him, because he perceives information about his parents as part of his identity.

Then tell that later, it was in the relationship between mom and dad, something went wrong: they began to curse and realized that they did not live together well.

If dad disappeared altogether, explain to the child that this happened, because the parents understood, it is better for them not to see each other.

If the child insists on meeting the father, the mother must proceed from his own will. Many mothers live with the idea that for the sake of the child everything should be done, even to the detriment of oneself, but this is not so.

Do not forget, a healthy mother is more important for a child than a mother who indulges in all his needs, but with a twitching eye. That is, if the mother does not want to meet with the father, do not even do it for the sake of the child. But it is worth explaining the situation, saying that yes, I loved my father very much, but we broke up, because he offended me and it was hard for me to see him.

And ask the child: “Would you really like to see him? Let’s come back to this conversation a little later and see if we have any opportunities for your meeting, because I will not see him.

It hurts a lot for me. ”

Usually such a question in children occurs at the age of 5-6 years, or when the baby is faced with death. The death of the little animals, a tragic incident that sees the baby or the death of a relative.

In answering the question, the attitude of the parents themselves to death is important. It’s easier to talk about death when it is perceived as a kind of natural end of life.

You can compare death with a sentence, where death is, this is the point. Talk, philosophize about what our life is worth, what a miracle it is, how it should be cherished.

But, do not be death, so we would appreciate life.

Do not deceive the child, saying that he will live forever, and his mother, and relatives, too. Then, in the event of a tragedy, the real explanations about death will be especially heavy.

Unlike religious parents, whose answer about death is unequivocal and, one must admit, is quite optimistic, unbelieving moms and dads will have a harder time in this case. But to voice the child needs exactly the point of view that they adhere to.

Lies will sound false, which will cause even more alarm. And variants of life after death, considered by various religions, can be given in the form of hypotheses, versions.

If the question of death arose against the background of the event – someone died – in no case can one hide the feelings that arise from the baby. It is wrong when parents experiencing the pain of losing a loved one are advised not to cry at the child, “hold on”, etc. The child still “reads” the state of the mother and, if what he feels and what he is told, is diametrically opposite , he ceases to trust people and the world.

In a situation of losing a loved one, all relatives, both adults and children, need to share each other’s feelings, not to hide them. You can hug, cry together, tell how lacking a loved one.

And for a small child it is also necessary to pronounce that a loved one did not want to die at all. Why?

In a baby, the whole world revolves around him, and if one of his relatives dies, he may well decide that he was simply abandoned.

Such questions usually arise when children go to school in the first or second grade. Answering the child, first of all, you need to know, and that, in fact, he himself lacks.

To family more often traveled somewhere? Or to buy him something specific?

Further it is worth considering how this missing child is given. The general message should be as follows: different families have different opportunities, and therefore a different level of income.

In a conversation with a child, it is extremely important for parents not to start devaluing more materially successful parents, trying to protect themselves. To say, for example, that a classmate’s dad is rich because he has stolen. Firstly, the child can pass it on to a classmate, secondly, it is wrong to form an image of a successful person as negative.

It is necessary to say that, yes, we also try to do everything we can, we do the best, but, alas, there are not enough opportunities.

If the child wants something impossible, there is a way to give it to him in the form of fantasy. For example, baby whines: “I want a banana!”.

Instead of answering that there are no bananas now, I must say: “Yes, it would be great if there were a bunch of bananas in front of us now!” Bananas, of course, will not appear, but the parent will put himself on a par with the child with this phrase , showing that his desire has the right to be.

A similar technique can be used in the case of unfulfilled dreams. The main thing is to stay with the child and show that he is heard and accepted along with all his desires, even if it is not possible to realize them.

And in order to further consolidate this unity, you can make a plan of action to achieve the dream. It may be stretched for a long time and even years, but you should not miss this good opportunity to teach your child the basics of planning with regard to reality.

О admin

x

Check Also

Fast freezing (cryopreservation of eggs)

For a long time, cryopreservation of eggs was considered to be a utopian project: its ...

Tetanus vaccination

The tetanus rod is found almost everywhere: in the ground, street dust, human and animal ...

It’s dangerous for a man to be a sweet tooth

Irish scientists led by Francis Hayes, an endocrinologist at the Dublin Hospital at the University ...

My daughter doesn’t contact me

Dear Olga, do not worry so much. The situation is not as dramatic as you ...

Back to basics: caring for a newborn

Ethnic-style tunic made of translucent fabric, necklace of dried berries on the neck, zebra carpet ...

Daughter is afraid of his father – what to do?

The reaction of Nastya to a meeting with her father after a long separation is ...

Big family crisis

There will be three such crises in the near future. In a year, in three ...

Husband dropped our baby!

Unfortunately, you did not indicate the age of your baby, but judging by the fact ...

To the bank, for milk

At the same time, in most countries of the world there are cans of breast ...

Dole or midwife: whom to call for childbirth?

From the Greek Doula (Dula) is translated as “maid”. She really is: during the birth, ...

Marry what toys can be

About thirty years ago there was no choice: as soon as the first suspicions of ...

How to teach a child to swim from birth?

If you are worried before new water procedures, before starting independent homework with a newborn, ...

Bouquet for March 8: how to surprise and enchant

So, on the eve of the main women’s day, we have made for you a ...

Great tea party

Answers to the question of whether it is necessary to solder the crumb being breastfed ...

The husband does not want a second child!

Sooner or later, all spouses are faced with the question of expanding the family. Someone ...

Ice Age: skin care during the cold season

So, what is the main danger for our skin in the fall and winter? First, ...

Imagination

Imagination is the ability to create new images on the basis of the experience, using ...

Here is such a scattered: child-loosing

“It does not take a day for my son not to forget or lose something ...

Daughter too painful experiencing a mistake “

Your girl was jealous of the success of their classmates. In their success, she sees ...

Become a quench!

The warm sun, long walks, swimming in the sea, jogging on the grass – in ...

First Aid Kit

For the first-aid kit in the apartment should take a special place. This can be ...

Light a holiday

Candles are an indispensable attribute of the New Year holiday. Without them, creating a solemn ...

Bush Goman: “My wife and I have been thinking for several years that we cannot have children.”

Happy Bush Parents, you have such a big family! Did you grow up in the ...

Home sandbox

Put your hands in it Sand is not important, from a sandbox or kinetic – ...