So, we offer 10 rules that will help you and your baby come to peaceful coexistence.
The less often we use the word “no”, the more weight it will have when we pronounce it.
Remember how often a walk with a baby is accompanied by phrases falling like a horn of plenty: “Do not run – fall,” “Do not touch the cat – she must have fleas”, “Do not go into a puddle!”. At the sight of such a picture, it still pulls you to ask your mother: “And what can you do?” You will agree that it is unlikely you will be able to imagine a three-year-old who meekly and steadily walk along the park’s alleys. If the system of total bans pursues the child at home, he with all his desire cannot follow it.
And since “mission impossible” – you shouldn’t even try. As a result, the child becomes uncontrollable.
Therefore, together with her husband, and possibly with older family members, conduct an audit of the rules of behavior of “good boys and girls.” Select among them, say, 10 (and possibly less) categorical and permanent “not allowed.” Access them clearly and seriously to the child.
Discuss the punishment system for violating a kind of “code” in advance and stick to it. Most likely, as long as you make a difficult choice among an infinite set of restrictions, only those that really matter for life and communication will remain, for example, “you cannot leave with a stranger”, “you cannot beat other children”, etc.
The requirements of adults should be consistent with the capabilities of the child, to be accessible to his understanding.
For example, even a four-year-old man can not sit quietly for an hour while you are waiting for a doctor’s appointment, and therefore take with him books, a toy. In any case, the younger the child, the easier it is to do without prohibitions, distracting the baby, switching his attention or making demands in a playful way.
Perfect for example, the game “who is faster” (collect toys, undress). Starting from the 10th month, the child is able to understand simple instructions, but his memory is still very weak. He can not hold the rules for a long time, which, it would seem, have been learned.
Moreover, the child is an impulse, irresistible and strong. Curiosity, thirst for new attracts him, and a weakly developed will does not allow to refrain from forbidden acts.
Therefore, a child of preschool age must be periodically reminded of what can and cannot be done.
In order for the crumb to respect and accept the requirements so that your instructions become a vital guide for him, he must understand their meaning. Based on this, it is worth giving small simple explanations: it is not enough to say to the child: “Do not touch the stove”, better: “Get away from the stove, it is very hot, you can get burned.”
Explain to a hype that it is easier for people to think, memorize, and talk with each other in silence. Moreover, the wording of the rule should be positive – avoid the particle “not”.
Children are sensitive to adult doubts, falsehood and fluctuations in behavior.
Everyone knows that a small child needs certain restrictions that organize it. In childhood, the crumb must master the concepts of “good” and “bad”, make the rules in human society important for themselves. However, it is difficult for parents to insist on the fulfillment of the rules, it is hard to say “it is impossible” to their child – they are often afraid that children will love them less.
Moreover, adults are not always fair: when making a decision, we risk to be mistaken, for example, because we do not have complete information. So, parents often take the side of one of the children in a dispute, without finding out until the end of the true culprit and really offended. Therefore, give yourself time to think, do not chop off the shoulder.
When the tactics of behavior is defined, be confident and bring the implementation of what you asked for to the logical end. Children are very sensitive to adult doubts, falsehood and fluctuations in their behavior.
In this case, the child will beg for what he wants, until you succumb. Flirting with a child in such situations will lead to the fact that the next time he will again and again test you for strength. Therefore, refusing, do not smile and do not look at the child condescendingly, because such a view implies: “My dear, I say” no “, but I can always be persuaded.”
It doesn’t matter whether the child has a year or three, whenever you forbid something or demand obedience, sit down and look into your eyes – this will give your words more meaning. If you don’t watch, they don’t hear you. Indeed, try to build a conversation with a person who does not look at you.
After some time, you will surely think that he is immersed in his problems or is in the clouds and simply does not listen. At the same time, dropping to the level of the child’s eyes, you help him focus on your words.
Based on this rule, it is meaningless to shout “take off your shoes” from another room: a child can always pretend not to hear.
When the child is outraged, tell him that you will count to five or up to ten to give him time. If you count to the end, and he does not obey, you will punish him.
This method is effective for children over 2 years.
When your beloved child becomes truly unbearable, the best solution is to leave him alone for a while.
Use, for example, the great-great-great-great-grandfather method that has been tested for centuries – take the child to a corner or choose a place where there is no TV or toys. Such a forced time-out is a serious punishment for a baby, because standing in a corner or just sitting on a chair is terribly boring.
In addition, children’s time flows differently than in an adult: when a child, even for 10 minutes, is busy with something uninteresting, it seems to him that hours have passed.
No need to go to the cry, quite calmly, but firmly say about the following: “You are very angry, stay here while the anger passes” or “Sit on a chair and sit for 5 minutes. Take it easy”. By the way, the time of isolation depends on the age of the child, for every year by the minute: 3 minutes for a three year old, 5 for a five year old.
If your child is next to you, obviously, before the time allotted for the timeout, revert him back, otherwise the punishment will cease to be effective. In no case can not lock the child in the closet or other dark place, so as not to frighten him.
However, this method also has difficulty: most often, such punishments end in a formal “begging” for forgiveness. “I will not do this anymore” often sounds only to break out of a hated corner. Therefore, it is better not to enter into any negotiations with the child before the time of punishment has expired.
Only then find out whether the child realized what he was punished for.
Children certainly need to be given the right to choose, but the choice must be reasonable and limited.
As we have said, strict rules should primarily relate to the important aspects of life. In areas that are not so significant, give your child the opportunity to make choices himself. For example, when dressing in kindergarten, ask him a question: “Do you want to wear blue pants or a red jumpsuit?”, At breakfast ask: “Will you eat strawberry yogurt or apricot?” The child will feel that his opinion is significant, that you are listening to him.
However, the choice should not be too wide, it is better to reduce it to several alternatives. If you ask: “What do you want to wear this morning?”, It is likely that in the middle of winter you will find your baby dressed in summer shorts.
Of course, as the child grows up, the freedom to choose should increase.
For children of preschool age, rhythm is crucial.
That is why a competent teacher in the organization of classes should once routinely. For example, an activity begins with a board game, then a mobile game follows, then a fairy tale reading, etc. Parents sometimes wonder if their children are bored. Not at all.
The fact is that we, adults, are so accustomed to life on the run, to rapidly changing impressions and events, that we do not understand that children need regularity and rhythm. This gives them a vital support, relieves anxiety and nervousness. In the opposite case, the feeling of chaos is born and, as a result, disobedience: the child does not understand which rules should be followed and whether they should be followed at all.
If an adult unpredictability of life excites, then the child – tiring and confusing, confusing. Daily rhythm is expressed for the child in the mode. When he knows in advance the “program” of the day, he realizes that every occupation has its time, it is easier for him to accept the need to leave an interesting game and go to sleep or dine.
The child learns to be friends with time: he knows that if he does not sit at the table for too long, he will have time to play. Of course, you need to choose a mode that is most suitable for your child, and save it for a long time.
Praise the child for doing the right thing, even trying to behave well. Praise deployed, do not save on kind words. The baby then wants to see your joy again and again, and for this to be obedient.
And now about the main thing. Remember, you are not a gendarme, but a loving parent.
Look for your options for resolving problem situations. Try to be closer to the child, spend more time together – and, perhaps, there will be very little need for restrictions and rules, and it will be possible to agree on all controversial issues.