There are people who answer the question: “How are you?” Always answer: “Great! Great! ”And this is not just once or twice … They always answer like that! And, most importantly, they look exactly in accordance with their answer – they are always happy and cheerful, always positive.
These are optimists – people who believe that life is beautiful and amazing – regardless of what is happening in it right now. Of course, such people also have problems and troubles, difficulties in work and personal life, but they perceive them much more easily than all other (non-optimistic) people.
What the optimists do not have is unsolvable questions, hopeless situations, black days and bad companies – because each situation, according to the optimist, contains something good, each problem has a solution, and you can always agree with any person.
If we compare the optimist and the pessimist, then the first has several clear advantages.
- They are more fortunate because they go forward, not doubting that they are lucky. And so it turns out, because confidence is an important success factor.
- They are highly respected in their professional activities, because even in the most difficult times they are able to find a solution and lift the mood of the whole team.
- They have significantly fewer health problems – both psychological and physical, because many diseases (today it is an indisputable medical fact) arise precisely because of emotional problems. If the optimist falls ill, then he is much easier to tolerate and recover faster.
- Optimists never suffer from loneliness – neither in 5 nor in 80 years. They have an amazing ability to make acquaintances and maintain an unobtrusive relationship. Yes, and the surrounding relate to the optimists very favorably.
- Optimists live longer, while at old age they continue to delight their loved ones with a cheerful character.
… All this is convincing enough to strive to have the same features.
Of course, in many respects, the qualities of character are determined by the properties of the nervous system – and therefore, they are innate and inheritable. Already at a very early age, children demonstrate their attitude to life.
One cries and can not calm down in the event of the loss of his beloved toy, the other, having grieved a little, starts to play what he is offered. But the type of nervous system is inherited. Does this mean that a child will show optimistic traits only if we, the parents, possess them?
This is true, but the point here is not only in innate properties.
The child learns the example of adults around him. Our behavior, our attitude to the people around us, to situations, to life in general – all this is unconsciously captured by a child from literally from birth.
Therefore, of course, it is safe to say that cheerful parents have cheerful children, and it remains to be seen if we can become like this when we are in adulthood (if we didn’t get these features at birth)? We can – working on ourselves and gradually changing our attitude towards life and our behavior in certain situations.
Probably, in this case, the result will be more subtle optimistic behavior, but it is still worth the effort and time. The benefits will be obvious – you and your loved ones will see this very soon.
This is perhaps one of the main skills that any novice optimist should learn. There are two variants of transformations – and both beyond recognition change the surrounding reality.
Option 1 – when the desired turns into absolutely unnecessary. Remember the fable of Krylov about the fox and the grapes? The fox, which failed to reach the bunches, consoles itself with the fact that it is probably not tasty at all.
The correct approach, optimistic: the fact that for some reason is not available to us should not be so attractive as to spoil our mood and occupy all our thoughts.
Practice: You stood in a queue for forty minutes of movie tickets with your child, but they ended right in front of you. You have exactly two minutes to look with envy and hatred after the happy owner of the last ticket and think about why you are so unlucky.
Immediately after this, you should remember that it is stuffy in the cinema (with such a crowd of people), and the film is not that good to spend two hours on it. Smile – and cheerfully inform about all the drawbacks of the conceived and failed event to the child (the prerequisite – the facial expression should confirm your words).
Option 2 – when the inevitable turns into the desired. You find the advantages in the situation and voice your discovery for the child.
Ideally, this should be done quickly, almost automatically (it will take quite a bit of training).
Practice: Car broke down? It’s wonderful – you can walk on foot and see all the delights of the withering (or blossoming – depending on the season) nature, ride on a swing and meet various friends along the way.
Waiting for someone and can not you wait? Excellent – it’s time to play with your child in his favorite game.
Optimists do not deny possible trouble. It may seem that this is a direct road to despondency and pessimism. Actually quite the opposite.
If you hide from any thoughts about problems and various troubles, there will be nothing good in the event that something like this happens. Being ready for them and knowing that we can cope with everything is what helps people and gives them confidence in the future.
Practice: “We will never part”, “Losing a job is impossible” – wrong thoughts. “Now it’s good for us, but if it’s destined to part, I can cope with it”, “The work is wonderful, but if I have to leave it, I can find another option” – these are statements that promote a positive attitude for the future. It’s difficult to offer options for children – children, due to their age, cannot plan and think about the future.
But it is still better if they begin to assimilate this kind of attitude now – after all, the qualities of character develop slowly and gradually.
Man, of course, can achieve everything – there would be a desire. But sometimes the way to achieve results is so hard, complicated and thorny that the thought arises: isn’t it possible to look for other, simpler, but equally attractive goals?
So, in any case, the optimist will decide – in those cases when, as a result of hard and long swimming lessons (music, Portuguese), he will not be able to enjoy even the slightest achievements. And then he will switch to dancing (figure skating, Hindi), where he may have achieved unprecedented success.
Although, maybe there will not achieve … Well, it was not a complete list of interesting and exciting activities.
Practice: Optimists have many hobbies – the only way to find out what suits you the most. And parents who want to make their child equally optimistic and versatile will not be taken to a harp lesson just because “if something starts, you need to finish it.”
The parents of optimists are flexible and offer their children a lot of activities – as well as at least some freedom in their choice.
All people from time to time feel jealous – even those who are completely satisfied with themselves and their lives. Envy is a natural human feeling, it is even useful: thanks to it, we strive for new achievements.
But when it occurs often, then all we get from it is a sense of inferiority. Optimists know that everyone has problems, even the most beautiful, the rich and famous, and envy therefore simply does not make sense.
Practice: Learn to stop the thoughts of the type “My God, people are lucky!” The phrase helps best: “But I have …” – with a sequel, of course. Instantly remember what happened in your life, or just what you like, and it will be much easier at the thought that the friend’s husband has a habit for all the holidays, including the Paris Commune Day, to give her a diamond jewel, and their children at the age of three, seven-digit numbers were already added up. And help the child to cope with bouts of envy (and small children experience it very often): “Vanya’s machine is really wonderful, but – see how your transformer is going on!”
In the world there is a shortage of good, kind and kind words. The majority of people clearly lack them. And this is not because around – evil heartless creatures.
Just because of employment people do not have enough time or even strength to communicate with each other emotionally. And the best way to make up for this lack is to praise ourselves.
Well, that is, it is not necessary to write poems “in honor” and place them on billboards, but so, on trivial matters, it is simply necessary.
Practice: Praise yourself for success at work, for not forgetting to congratulate everyone on all the holidays, for the fact that the child has finally learned to fold his toys. And, of course, do not forget to praise him too!
And for toys, and for polite words, and for helping my sister, and – just like that!
Often people can not feel happy because they do not live in the present moment. They either remember what has already passed, or are waiting for something more pleasant.
But when this pleasant comes, they also can not relax – they continue to think about what was or will be. Learning to live on the “here and now” principle is what is needed to become an optimist.
To focus on everything that you do, to look for positive moments in everything, even the most, it seems, ordinary.
Practice: You walk with the kid from the garden on foot. What are you talking about? The fact that “we will come now – and then …”.
But in this way you lose time – while you go. Better look around, think about the weather, look at the leaves, snowflakes or umbrellas of passersby together.
It will become much more pleasant to go – besides, walks by themselves improve mood.
The Chinese have such a wise story. A traveler walked through the forest, and suddenly a tiger attacked him.
The traveler was able to escape, but the tiger rushed after him. Ahead was a cliff, and a man hung over him, clutching at a branch of a plant. Catching his breath, he looked down and saw that another hungry tiger was walking there.
Then the man decided to hold on to the branch until he had enough strength. But then two mice came out of the mink, which began to nibble this branch.
And then the traveler, looking round once more, began to pluck and eat the strawberries that grew near him. This story ends. But it is clear that the traveler’s actions did not hurt him at all, and maybe they also helped him.
With any outcome of events. Even if we imagine that the tigers were more fortunate, then at least a few happy moments would still brighten up this, frankly, not very pleasant situation.
In general, no matter how many problems, this is no reason to abandon the small joys. Then, perhaps, the problems will be resolved much sooner (it is quite likely that the traveler, having reached for the strawberries, suddenly found a cave, in which he hid himself).
Practice: Aerobatics in the art of positive – learn how to create such pleasant moments to yourself. Recall something very pleasant, look at your favorite photos, hug each other, tell a funny story. There are dozens of such examples – each of us has our own small ideas.
For all this, it will take a few minutes, and the mood that has been created will best influence the situation as a whole.
Everything, as we know, is ambiguous. And even the most cheerful people have problems with others.
The reason is simple – they are not included in the conflict, tend to agree rather than sort things out, and this can also be a problem, especially in close relationships. Indeed, through conflict we resolve what is very important for us and what is perceived emotionally. Imagine how it looks: “Yes, yes, dear, I was wrong that I told you about your failure at work, I confess … well, let’s get together soon, otherwise all the tables will be occupied in the restaurant”.
The man, most likely, was preparing all day, thinking how to say better and how to make a complaint at all, so as not to look insulting, but he was immediately given to understand that his problem was nonsense and there was nothing to talk about.
To achieve sympathy and understanding from them, too, does not always work. Because they treat other people’s problems in the same way as their own.
And this is wonderful, but sometimes you want to sometimes, we admit to ourselves honestly, to cry on someone else’s shoulder and hear kind words of comfort.
Practice: Sympathy and listening skills can also be learned – and teach others. It is only necessary to take it as a rule not to interrupt the interlocutor and not to speak on the very first word: “Everything will be fine, this has happened to me a thousand times.”
And then – talk about these rules to children and, most importantly, constantly show them an example in this.