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Your Pregnancy Sex Worries Sorted
It may be sex that got you pregnant in the first place, but doing it once you are expecting can be different. That doesnt mean it cant still be fun…
Its hard enough to keep up with your rapidly growing bump, let alone the changes to your sex life and anything new happening to you down below.
Understandably not many women want to chat openly with their GP or midwife about whether its safe to orgasm or why their man wont give them oral any more. So, read on to put your worries to, ahem, bed.
Before sending him for a refresher course at charm school, rest assured this is very normal.
lsquo;Most women have a lot more lubrication in pregnancy, says sex and relationship expert Petra Boynton. lsquo;The texture changes, its thicker and it has a stronger smell. If hes not a fan, he can use a dental dam during oral sex. But youre not weird ndash; these are the physical changes that nobody tells you about. If, however, it has a bad odour, you see blood or it feels like thrush, see your doctor.
Struggling with sickness, rarely in the mood and worried hell go elsewhere? Dont assume you know what hes thinking and ndash; most importantly ndash; communicate.
lsquo;A lot of pregnancy sex advice taps into this idea that men are sex-crazed beasts and you must soldier on, but thats just not the case, says Petra. lsquo;If youre feeling too ill, tired or uncomfortable to have sex, then dont.
Dont assume you know what hes thinking ndash; make sure you communicate
Say, ldquo;I really love and care about you, but I need your help and support as my partner ndash; because I feel like x, y, or z at the moment. If its becoming an ongoing problem, think about other ways you can be intimate and spend time together, whether thats nights in cuddled on the sofa or falling asleep together.
This can happen in the first trimester, but its definitely not common, so dont ban your bloke from coming anywhere near you just yet. lsquo;It depends on your history ndash; if youve had miscarriages or problem pregnancies before then talk to your obstetrician to be completely sure, says Petra.
If its your first pregnancy and you need reassurance, speak to your doctor.
So, it must be you right? Wrong. lsquo;Men get stressed about parenthood, too, says Petra. lsquo;They worry about hurting the baby; if theyll be a good father; about providing for the familyhellip; Do your best to reassure him that you love him, hell be an amazing Dad, and explore other non-penetrative ways of giving each other pleasure.
Feeling randier than usual may be the last thing you expected right now. lsquo;Some women can think: ldquo;Im pregnant ndash; is it appropriate to feel this way?rdquo;, says Petra. lsquo;If youre self-conscious, you might find it easier to tell your partner how much you want him in a text or email. You could even read a saucy book together in bed or watch a sexy film.
If he seems taken aback, its not because he isnt interested ndash; its just because he might not be used to you being like this. But hes certainly not going to complain!
While this can be a worry for pregnant women, it can be an even bigger concern for men. In extreme cases it can prevent an erection or result in erection loss upon entry.
But rest assured, penetrative sex will not result in your partner prodding the baby or hurting it with his penis. The foetus sits far higher than the end of your vagina and is protected by the amniotic sac.
ldquo;But rest assured, penetrative sex will not result in your partner prodding the babyrdquo;
lsquo;Men worry they can feel the baby during penetration as pregnancy progresses and the womb moves lower, says Petra. lsquo;But even though things might feel a little different, theres no need to worry about the baby unless you have a history of miscarriage, or if penetration is painful or uncomfortable for either of you. If this is the case, tell your GP or midwife. Try a position that doesnt enable such deep penetration, such as spooning side by side, or leaning up against a table.
Pregnancy body changes can come as a shock, if youre not expecting them. lsquo;Some women find their boobs leak when they orgasm later in pregnancy, explains Petra. lsquo;It could be just a dribble or a full-on spray. While this is normal, not all women are comfortable with it. If thats you, keep your bra on and use breast pads (as used by breastfeeding mums) when you make love.
The thought of the baby being aware of their parents making love can be a worry for some mums- and dads-to-be. Some couples feel guilty for doing it lsquo;in front of the baby but sex during pregnancy is healthy and normal, and your baby will be largely oblivious.
ldquo;Some babies move around while their parents are making love, and others sleep all the way throughrdquo;
lsquo;Both men and women can worry about the baby lsquo;knowing they are having sex, says Petra. lsquo;The baby will feel some movement and hear your voices and other sounds, but he wont have any emotional response to it. Some babies move around while their parents are making love, and others sleep all the way through. Either way, there is nothing to feel guilty about.
There is no reason why sex has to become staid with pregnancy. Its all about doing what is comfortable and pleasurable for you. lsquo;If youre using sex toys ndash; and its fine to do so ndash; you need to be more aware of cleanliness when you are pregnant, says Petra. lsquo;Its best if you dont share the same toy. Or put a condom on the toy to avoid the possibility of infection.
Pregnancy hormones can make your emotions volatile even during the most mundane of tasks. So in the throes of making love, you could lurch from dramatic highs to crashing lows. Your orgasms might feel different, as could your whole attitude towards sex, both during and afterwards.
lsquo;Some women find they have much more intense orgasms in the second and third trimester, Petra says. lsquo;You might have more than one and they might be stronger than you are used to. They may leave you feeling weepy and emotional too. Pregnancy hormones and body changes are the cause, and its completely normal. Those same hormones may also make you very demanding for sex or put you off it altogether.
Despite what you may think, your changing body shape may well be a turn on for your partner. But while you might worry about your new crop of stretchmarks, theyre most definitely the last thing on his mind when you are making love.
ldquo;Its highly unlikely hell mind that your growing bump rules out the missionary positionrdquo;
lsquo;Think about it from his point of view, says Petra. lsquo;Your growing baby bump means you will have to experiment with different positions. Its highly unlikely hell mind that your growing bump rules out the missionary position. As your pregnancy progresses, youll have to tell him what you want and enjoy as your needs change, and this will typically be welcomed by him.
He isnt so naiuml;ve as to think that you are going to grow a baby without undergoing some pretty major changes in your own physiological make-up. So, although he may not know specifically what to expect, he probably wont be surprised that there are plenty of physical changes.
Photo: Getty Images
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