I would advise you to go to a psychologist, the child is already at the age when you can try to understand what is pushing him to such actions, he does it with what motives-do it to spite you, as parents or for some other reason. And it is better to go to a consultation first with you with your husband, talk to a specialist. And then, in order not to cause the child any suspicions that he is being led somewhere, they want to heal, well, in general, so as not to cause a negative child, invite the same psychologist home as a friend, he would observe the child, talk with the child him and maybe something would also prompt you. Maybe I can try it like this.
If you want I can give you a contact specialist, he is a psychotherapist-psychiatrist, but he deals with cases differently. If that, write in a personal.
Smiled about a psychologist, whom I basically do not trust))) For me this is a kind of elves living in their world. Thank you, but we have plenty of contacts.
You are directly with a claim to me with some kind of that I’m not an adopted mother, but give you advice. You yourself write that the child has been in the orphanage for a long time, there are other rules and internal orders and it would be just a miracle that there was not, what you describe.
I understand that we need advice only from experienced foster parents, so I will not advise anything more.
P.S: but to specialists, after all, contact, and suddenly something can help, especially contacts, as you wrote a lot.
Psychologists, sorry, to one place. We have not used much, at least some help. This is their eternal quot; more attention to the child “; in response to all the problems just kills. They simply have nothing to say.
The older the children become, the easier it is to try to talk to them. At least to me. I can not talk to a 5-year-old (especially if he has a developmental delay and behaves like a three-year-old child), but now the children with 8-9 already understand a lot.
Try to tell your son that he does not like people like him, that love must also be earned, that he should also be diligent if he wants to stay in the family. By the way, does he want to? Here is my daughter repeatedly asked to return to the orphanage - there is nothing to do, there is a complete "relax" quot; and all regret orphans. Already, however, does not ask, but to the question "what if other parents take you, then you will agree?" quot; Both answered "yes, if they do not force anything to do"; Children have no attachment, and I do not always see pity.
Difficult, all very difficult. But somehow we need to find a way out of the situation. Somehow one must live, and one wants to live peacefully and happily.
We were looking for a good psychologist, but the expert, frankly, could not find. Everyone repeats the same thing. And in the service of the children we were told that there are no good specialists in Kiev, and they can not help us with anything. So my husband and I somehow already quot; our own psychologists "quot; 🙂 I read a lot of orums and articles about foster children, about attitudes in the family, etc. I learned a lot of useful things there. At least, I already lost the feeling of guilt for not being able to love them as my own, and at least my husband and I ceased to live only for children, forgetting that we also deserve happiness.